Meeting This Guy Online

LegacyUser

I met this guy online, not a dating website. It was just like boards but a bit more personal. We start sending private messages about our interests and then he asked for my msn so I gave it to him. We have been talking for a few months. I actually told him one day in an email that I liked him a lot and he kept messing around then on msn saying 'aww you love me and stuff'. He never said he liked me too so I presumed were gonna just be friends anyways couple of weeks ago he sent me an email and he said 'god I'm really start to get close to you and I think I like you too'. So I was shocked by this but so happy. We talk everyday on skype for about 5 hours like it wouldn't be for the whole 5 hours it would be on and off. But I don't know if he likes me really and just likes the attention that he gets from me

He keeps saying that I love him and that its obvious but I don't think I do. We're both only 19 and I'm just out of a serious relationship a few months now. He always says to me that he loves me ... as a friend after it. Its like he wants me to admit that I love him or something but anyways He asked me to come visit him in Scotland and I was asked him why cant he visit me. He said his parents are still real strict and he knows I would be able to go over because my parents wouldn't care but I'm afraid to meet up with him. Like I think it might ruin things. I find it fun talking and emailing all the time but how can it work, we live far away from each other and tbh if I was to go over to his for a few days, It would prob only be a sexual thing because we always mess around saying like what we would do if we were there together. I wish I could be his gf but I know it would never work

what should I do?? should I go over or should I just keep this as a friendship thing or whatever

SOOOO confused

Denerick

I would urge extreme caution. There a lot of creeps in the world. Preferably meet him in a public place WITH a friend, preferably a big tough hairy man.

kjl

Ok, you talk on skype for 5 hours everyday and you are worried weather he likes you. Get some confidence love, he is clearly mad about you. He even told you.

You say that things can't work out for you, but it seems to me like you already have a pretty nice relationship. Sure there are creeps in this world, but we also have to have faith in people too.

I think if you went to Scotland you would probably have a nice time, sure it probably will be sexual, but you don't have to have sex with him. That is still your decision. You may end up kissing though, and maybe your relationship can grow from this.

It's clear that both of you are smitten, so why not go for it. Maybe if you meet his parents this time, they wont have a problem with him going to see you in Ireland next time.

Denerick

Rule no.1 about how to not get raped:

Never ever meet a guy off the internet. If you do, be cautious.

I know there are feel good stories about people getting married after meeting on the internet, but don't let that fool you. What do you really know about this man? Be cautious, that is all.

TommyKnocker

Hi Karen

PI would not be a forum I would usually frequent, even as a lurker. But I was flicking through today and noticed your post, and felt compelled to respond.

Like Denerick I would strongly urge you to exercise extreme caution here, but I would go further and advise you to turn down this guys request that you travel to Scotland.

You stated in your post that you are 19 and have just come out of a serious relationship, So I am guessing that you may still feel lonely, and maybe emotional and depending on who ended the relationship, possibly rejected.

Then you meet this guy online and start chatting. I wonder how much details about yourself and your situation you had given out before this guy started chatting to you?

You told this guy that you liked him a lot, but based on what? his online persona? I am sure you know this is really crazy as there is no way to really know someone purely from how they come across online. The fact that he did not reciprocate your feelings, but rather kept pushing "your feelings towards him" turning your really liking him into you loving him, just rings alarm bells for me.

My worry would be not whether he likes you or the attention he gets from you, as like yourself, he has never met you, so only has your online persona to go on. My concern would be that he appears to be setting you up for something much worse.

Can I ask, have you ever actually seen this person? Chatted via web cam etc. Can you be sure that he is who he makes out he is? Can you be sure that he is in fact 19 like yourself and not some 40 yr old sexual deviant trying to lure a young woman away from home to god knows what? How can you be sure that when you get there it will be only him you end up with and he is not part of some kind of human trafficking gang? If you have not already, rent or buy the movie "Taken" with Liam Neeson. I know it is only a film, but this kind of thing does happen in the world today.

The fact that he wants you to travel to Scotland rather then him coming to Ireland is also unsettling and his excuse just does not ring true for me.

At 19 he is an adult and this is 2010. While I could understand parents not wanting their 19 yr old daughter to travel to another country to meet a guy they only know online, due to the worry of her being raped or worse, I don't think the same worries apply to guys.

Personally if I was the guy I would insist that I was the one to come and meet you in the first instance (if I was in any way interested in you), as I would want you and your family to meet me and know that I was not some crazy person. I would want your parents to talk to my parents, so that they would know that you would be safe and looked after if you did decide to come to Scotland to visit.

So although you do not know me from Adam, I would urge you not to take up this persons offer to travel to meet him. Tell him that you are not happy traveling on your own and that you would rather just keep the friendship going the way it is. I would also caution you to cut back on telling him what you would like to do with him sexually while online. Of course don't be surprised if he stops contact and moves on to another victim.

People of my parents and grandparents age had a saying, "What's meant for you won't pass you by". So if this guy would really like to be part of your life he should be the one making the running.

I am sure that you are an intelligent young woman, and I think your confusion is due to your head telling you that you know that this is all wrong, but your heart is telling you something else.

Please listen to your head in this instance and do not become another statistic that we read about in the news papers in a few weeks.


Best Regards & Stay safe,

M

kjl

B-Builder wrote: »

Hi Karen

PI would not be a forum I would usually frequent, even as a lurker. But I was flicking through today and noticed your post, and felt compelled to respond.

Like Denerick I would strongly urge you to exercise extreme caution here, but I would go further and advise you to turn down this guys request that you travel to Scotland.

You stated in you post that you are 19 and have just come out of a serious relationship, So I am guessing that you still feel lonely, and maybe emotional and depending on who ended the relationship, possible rejected.

Then you meet this guy online and start chatting. I wonder how much details about yourself and your situation you had given out before this guy started chatting to you?

You told this guy that you liked him a lot, but based on what? his online persona? I am sure you know this is really crazy as there is no way to really know someone purely from how they come across online. The fact that he did not reciprocate your feelings, but rather kept pushing "your feelings towards him" turning your really liking him into you loving him, just rings alarm bells for me.

My worry would be not whether he likes you or the attention he gets from you, as like yourself, he has never met you, so only has your online persona to go on. My concern would be that he appears to be setting you up for something much worse.

Can I ask, have you ever actually seen this person? Chatted via web cam etc. Can you be sure that he is who he makes out he is? Can you be sure that he is in fact 19 like yourself and not some 40 yr old sexual deviant trying to lure a young woman away from home to god knows what? How can you be sure that when you get there it will be only him you end up with and he is not part of some kind of human trafficking gang? If you have not already, rent or buy the movie "Taken" with Liam Neeson. I know it is only a film, but this kind of thing does happen in the world today.

The fact that he wants you to travel to Scotland rather then him coming to Ireland is also unsettling and his excuse just does not ring true for me.

At 19 he is an adult and this is 2010. While I could understand parents not wanting their 19 yr old daughter to travel to another country to meet a guy they only know online, due to the worry of her being raped or worse, I don't think the same worries apply to guys.

Personally if I was the guy I would I would insist that I was the one to come and meet you in the first instance (if I was in any way interested in you), as I would want you and your family to meet me and know that I was not some crazy person. I would want your parents to talk to my parents, so that they would know that you would be safe and looked after if you did decide to come to Scotland to visit.

So although you do not know me from Adam, I would urge you not to take up this persons offer to travel to meet him. Tell him that you are not happy traveling on your own and that you would rather just keep the friendship going the way it is. I would also caution you to cut back on telling him what you would like to do with him sexually while online. Of course don't be surprised if he stops contact and moves on to another victim.

People of my parents and grandparents age had a saying, "What's meant for you won't pass you by". So if this guy would really like to be part of your life he should be the one making the running.

I am sure that you are an intelligent young woman, and I think your confusion is due to your head telling you that you know that this is all wrong, but your heart is telling you something else.

Please listen to your head in this instance and do not become another statistic that we read about in the news papers in a few weeks.


Best Regards & Stay safe,

M

She skypes him everyday for 5 hours and he is only 19 too. Skype is a video chat too. You people are way to paranoid.

TommyKnocker

kjl wrote: »

She skypes him everyday for 5 hours and he is only 19 too. Skype is a video chat too. You people are way to paranoid.

Video can be used with skype, but skype can also be used just as a text based or voice only means of communication.

You assume that she has used video chats via skype. I asked the question.

Also how can you be sure that he is not the 19 yr old face of a human trafficking ring?

If they video chat over skype then let the parents meet over skpye so assurances for the young woman's safety can be sought and given.

I will always go with the ounce of prevention over the cure.

And I find it hard to accept that any "Strict parents" would allow a young woman to travel away from her family alone and to a different country to meet their 19 yr old son.

For me this is just ALL WRONG!!!!


M

Miss Fluff

If you want to meet this guy let him come to visit you. I mean that. It's all too convenient for guys with less than honest intentions to lurk behind their computer screen. How do you know he is who he says? I was strung along for quite some time by a guy pretending to be seperated when in actual fact they never split up in the first place. While I'd normally say go and meet him and suss out his situation, in this instance he is in Scotland and going over there on your own is too big a risk, let him come and visit you. Actions speak louder than words. If he wants to see you, let him prove it.

kjl

B-Builder wrote: »

Video can be used with skype, but skype can also be used just as a text based or voice only means of communication.

You assume that she has used video chats via skype. I asked the question.

Also how can you be sure that he is not the 19 yr old face of a human trafficking ring?

If they video chat over skype then let the parents meet over skpye so assurances for the young woman's safety can be sought and given.

I will always go with the ounce of prevention over the cure.

And I find it hard to accept that any "Strict parents" would allow a young woman to travel away from her family alone and to a different country to meet their 19 yr old son.

For me this is just ALL WRONG!!!!


M

I assume it is aleast voice based chat as she moved from msn to skype.

OP can you please clairfy what you do on skype with this lad.

Zen65

Karen90 wrote: »

what should I do?? should I go over or should I just keep this as a friendship thing or whatever

SOOOO confused

What is to be gained from going over to him?

At very best, this would be an expensive one-night-stand. There is no future in the relationship, he's in Scotland. You have said yourself that you know it would never work.

At worst, well that's already been spelled out here in previous posts.

You know almost nothing about him. Enjoy the skype-relationship and don't think any further upon it. Find somebody in the real world.


Be at peace,


Z

TommyKnocker

kjl wrote: »

I assume it is aleast voice based chat as she moved from msn to skype.

OP can you please clairfy what you do on skype with this lad.

Not too sure what confidence can be gained from "Talking" to someone via skype.

There are 50 yr old women employed to work on sex chat lines talking to guys who have no idea who they are talking to, but hope it is the 19 yr old blond who's picture is used to advertise the service.

Unless this young woman's safety can be guaranteed, then she should stay at home safe and sound. It appears that she has done most/all of the running is this situation to date, and the "person" she is communicating with is at best a player and at worst something more sinister.

That your advice to her is to just jump on a boat/plane and head off to Scotland to meet this person without any regard for her own safety is really unsettling to me.

All I want is for the OP to put her personal safety first above all else. Who will she have to turn to in Scotland if things did turn out for the worst?


Best Regards,

M

JonathanAnon

B-Builder wrote: »

And I find it hard to accept that any "Strict parents" would allow a young woman to travel away from her family alone and to a different country to meet their 19 yr old son.

Absolutely agree with B-Builder... 19 and not allowed to travel to Ireland... is he in a commune or something??!? Yet he expects you be allowed to travel to Scotland... This sounds REALLY dodgy...

She skypes him everyday for 5 hours and he is only 19 too. Skype is a video chat too. You people are way to paranoid.

Better to be paranoid and possibly be wrong, than having this young, vulnerable girl stranded in Scotland with some freak...

OP, you sound vulnerable and looking for something to fill the gap in your life left by the relationship.. And I think you are trying strongly to develop this internet friendship into something more. I would advise against making any concessions (with regard to your own security, finance etc etc), in an attempt overcome any inhibitors you may see as being in the way of this relationship blossoming.

If you want to meet him, tell him you want him to meet you here... And meet him with a friend. What do you know about him.. does he have facebook, do you know his address, has anybody else spoken to him on skype, have you seen him?

Denerick

Frankly if it is true that this 19 year old Scot is not allowed to travel over to Ireland for a weekend... Well really, come on. That just sounds like plain bull****. He could get a ryanair flight and be in Dublin for about 20-30 pounds. The more I think about this the more alarm bells ring in my ears. Stay away from him, he sounds like an utter creep.

poochierockz

i've met a few guys online and none of them ended up being creeps (i think i've met more creeps in person than online!), but the relationships never work out. the relationship you have online may not always translate into real life. you may put your "real" self out there to him, but he may not.

i personally think that if you guys want to meet, go for it but have him come over to you, not the other way around. and meet in public for defo. just be safe and dont have high expectations

WesternNight

It's entirely possible to meet someone genuine online, but I don't think this guy is in that category. It was fair enough until the part where he asks you to go to Scotland and makes excuses for why he can't come here.

That said, if you do decide you want to go, ask a friend to go with you. Make sure people know where you're going and where you're staying. He may turn out to be fine, but don't assume that it will be the same as it is online even if he is legit.

LegacyUser

Ohh he is definitely 19, I have his facebook which is genuine. We don't always chat by video on skype but we have done so I know he isn't some 50 year old pervert. His parents are still strict with him because he still lives at home like his dad is a horrible person because of his dads religous backgrounds but this guy is moving out soon to go to college. We're still friends and he always tells me if he lived in Ireland we would definitely be bf and gf by now but he says he knows it would be too difficult to work with this relationship but we cant stop talking to one another

Its like we are a couple already, we have our little fights and then one of us texts a few hours later and says sorry. I'm not worried about him being a creep or anything I'm just worried about what it would mean if I go over there. Like what If I really fall for him because now we have seen each other face to face and that would be horrible because we are both back in UNI in a few backs so we would never get the chance to see each other for a long time and so a long distance relationship wouldn't work but I wish I could just go over because it might be something that I'd regret.... I have asked a few friends would they be up for it but they are not supporting me on this, so if I was to go it would be solo.

Someone posted that I should meet his parents, GODD no they would prob freak out at him for meeting someone online. He went away awhile back with his family and I missed him terrible, he said he did as well. All we were able to do was just email each other once a day..

I can't stop thinking about him but I don't think he likes me the way I do I wish I never said I liked him first and just seen if he said it to me... Ohh my head is wrecked

Victor

If you want to do this, do it with friends and follow the usual rules. Arrange your own travel and accommodation, meet in a public place, bring your phone, stay sober.

LegacyUser

Victor wrote: »

If you want to do this, do it with friends and follow the usual rules. Arrange your own travel and accommodation, meet in a public place, bring your phone, stay sober.

Talking as someone who actually went to scotland to meet an internet friend, it worked out well for me, but have a code word you can say on the phone to someone at home or near where you are meeting, after you meet your internet friend, make sure someone (who knows the code is expecting the call) is expecting you to call a bit after you meet. and seriously have alternative accommodation if it does not work well. I had all the above and did not need to use these alarms but are glad I had them just in case

Blackdrag

I would be inclined to make sure if this guy is who he says he is firstly.

Second if my son asked if he could travel to either Scotland or Ireland by himself at 19... id be more than happy to accompany him. Just being realistic as any parent would be!

What ever happened to the man travelling to meet the woman? i travelled 7 miles a day to meet my girlfriend (now wife) when i was younger at the very least he would jump on a plane and some see you.

Meeting someone off the net and being taken out of your comfort zone is unacceptable.

Meet him in a public place with friends close by. Never leave there line of sight.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Is there any other way you could meet? say for instance you travel with a friend to see a band play or to a festival and meet up with him there?

I met someone online also but he travelled to meet me. Everything went well and now 5 years on i moved from england to ireland and we are married .

Always be very cautious, i always told people where i was going and sent texts to let them know i was ok. Meeting in a neutral place would be the best option here i think.

wylo

Usually im one to be advicing on the cautious side, but thats if its some fella you havent seen a picture of , you've chatted to him via video ffs, why all the paranoia ,go for it, enjoy yourself. I guess if you can , try and convince 2 friends to go with you, they can go drinking or whatever while you meet him , that way you have some security.

There is internet success stories too you know.

MRBEAVER

The women posting here are way too paranoid and suspicious of men. maybe it's an irish woman thing assuming that every guy even those they know fairly well is a potential creep\rapist\serial killer. OP has been talking and in contact with him for months.

LC2010HIS

Id exercise caution - just like the above posters have urged.

Im the same age as u and had a similar experience last year.
It didnt work out - i would strongly recommend not getting in too deep with ur emotions, because the guy i meet certainly wasnt who he tried to make out to be. And he ceratinly was not as in love as he claimed to be as he was horrible to me after.

... But thats me.

- It may work out, it may not. And if you do get on, you have to consider the distance.
One thing i can tell u though - he should do the travelling. i would be very careful.

LC2010HIS

Denerick wrote: »

Never ever meet a guy off the internet.

Amen to that. From my experience and my friends' experience, it all seems to be guys who wanna get laid..

Denerick

MRBEAVER wrote: »

The women posting here are way too paranoid and suspicious of men. maybe it's an irish woman thing assuming that every guy even those they know fairly well is a potential creep\rapist\serial killer. OP has been talking and in contact with him for months.

I am a man. And I know how men think. Believe me, we're all creeps when it boils down to it

Peleus

Ye i agree with denerick. Maybe just being paranoid but most guys you'd meet on the internet are creeps. He's probably been chatting to you all this time in anticipation of getting laid. I'm sure 10/10 any sex talk you had was initiated by him. Was it?

Tell him you can't come and see how he reacts. If I were i'd tell him to man up and come to ireland. If he's serious he'll come no matter what. You're just out of a relationship so you're vulnerable (and he probably knows that). You don't want to fall into the hands of some creep trying to take advantage of that, especially on his own terms. Good luck.

liah

Peleus wrote: »

Maybe just being paranoid but most guys you'd meet on the internet are creeps.

Are you serious?

It's not most. It's not even many. It's a few. Everyone uses the internet these days. This guy has far, far better odds of being a normal 19 year old bloke than some mental sociopath or rapist or whatever. I mean, come on, people. Be realistic.

And so what if he initiated all the sex talk? He's a 19 year old male. What would you expect?

Treat him like a guy you've only briefly met out at a pub or club once before, OP. Don't stay with him or go because of him, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with meeting up with him. Just.. don't expect it to be as intense or close as it is online straight away. That's often not the case.

Good luck either way.

Dark Artist

I'd like to post my two cents. I met my boyfriend online, and he's from the states. We've been together for a few months now and it's going really well, he visits me once a month for a week or two at a time. Online relationships can indeed work out, but of course I would exercise caution, because the guy that you're describing does sound a little strange. Using the L-word when you haven't even met is very odd. Myself and my boyfriend still aren't saying that to each other. By the sounds of it, this guy might not have a lot of social skills, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's a bad guy. If you have a good feeling about it, I say give him a chance. You're an adult and you know how to take care of yourself.

LegacyUser

Emmm well I have thought about it, and I have decided that I'm not going to do the chasing, if he really wants to meet up he could definitely organise something even if its not until he goes to college because by then he will have moved out of his parents house and his parents will not have any control over him then

I'm starting to see him a little differently, one person posted saying that I bet he initiates the sexual talk all the time and yeah he does. Like sometimes I think he just says he likes me to keep me talking to him because he likes to send a lot of flirty messages and it does be fun but when it gets to me trying to know him more, he seems a little distant

I'm gonna back away from this guy, like I don't mind emailing him and chatting on msn but I'm gonna stop the sexual stuff and see how long he sticks around, haha

Monkey61

It is perfectly normal to meet someone under these kind of conditions nowadays, especially at 19, loads of people seem to be using facebook/skype etc to meet people.

Yes all the normal rules of internet dating (which people have already outlined) apply and you should definitely bring someone with you if you go!!

The only thing in this situation that I am slightly dodgy about is his insistence that you travel. Crazy father or not, this guy is 19 and can do what he likes. Especially if he is going away to college soon, it really just sounds like a poor excuse..."oh my Dad won't let me." Would his Dad let him stay out of the house all day/all night when you come over to visit? Presumably if you get a hotel room, this guy would presume he was going to be staying with you? Also, if the Dad would freak out that he had met a girl online...well surely if he lives at home the Dad is noticing that he is spending 5 hours a day chatting online to someone?

Considering the ages and that you are both just starting college, this is realistically probably not going to turn into something...so I think if you do decide to go, just make sure you are emotionally prepared for it to be one (hopefully) lovely weekend and nothing more. Can you handle that?

TommyKnocker

Hi Karen

Again I would urge you to let your head and your gut instinct lead you in this situation.

Though I am relieved to hear that you know for sure that this guy is 19 and not some older deviant hinding behind a PC, I still think this guy is stringing you along and you will only end up getting hurt emotionally if not physically.

Look at the points you presented in your posts to date.

• You met him online after the breakup of a serious realtionship, when you were possibly feeling a little down, emotional, vunerable etc.
• You told him after a while communicating with him that you really liked him and his response was not to tell you that he liked you also, but to start telling you that "you loved him" WTF, I find this a little weird. This may be paranoid, but that is how brainwashing works!!
• After a few weeks he tells you that "he thinks he likes you". What prompted this. Did he sense that he was losing your attention and this was something he said to keep you hooked. I am not assuming here, I am asking?
• He wants you to travel to meet him and says he can't travel as he has strict parents. Again to my mind this is wrong!!
  • Firstly I can't get my head around parents in this day and age beign THAT strict with a 19 yr old guy.
  • Secondly I can't believe that strict, religous parents are happy to let a young woman travel alone to a different country so their son can be safe.
  • Thirdly, if they are religous and strict, I am guessing that you will not be staying under their roof. So if his plan is to spend that night(s) with you, how will he get around his strict parents for this?

I once took a day trip to the UK to listen to an Audio system I was buying, but wanted to hear the sound quality first. I flew out at around 07:00 in the morning and flew home at 20:00 that evening. Went with Ryanair and the trip cost less than €60. So I don't buy that "He can't come over to you" story.

• Your friends don't support you in this. Would these be your good/best friends? people who know you well? People who know more about this issue than we do? Do you think that their not supporting you is out of malice or do you think that maybe they have your best interests at heart and do not want to see you hurt again or made a fool of?

I am sure that there are many people who have met their other halves online. However I suspect for every successful story there have been a bigger number of disasters. And there have been enough documented cases of young girls/women coming to harm meeting guys this was to cause concern.

Can I ask if it is possible that you have used this online guy as a crutch to help get over your break up, instead of going out and putting yourself out there again, as it felt safer? I know that it is not easy to go out and make your elf vunerable again after a serious relationship goes pear shaped.

I would really like to believe that this guy was your prince charming, but from what little you have disclosed here, that is not the picture you have painted for me, and the world as much as we might wish it, is not always a nice, safe place.

So again, as he has made no real committment to you regarding his feelings for you other than "he thinks he likes you" I would suggest that you tell him that you are not happy to travel to Scotland alone at this point and that you would like to keep up with the friendship, and see how he reacts. Don't try to get him to tell you he likes you, let him come to that decision on his own. I am sure that you are worth much more than a 1 night stand for some guy.

In the meantime, get yourself out socialising with your friends again and maybe you will find someone closer to home with whom you can start again to build a relationship. I am sure there will be lots of new friends to be made at Uni in a short while.

In the end though, you are I am sure an intelligent and capable young woman, quite able to make her own decisions, so the final decision lies with you. But please when making that decision, consider your emotional and physical well being. You owe it to yourself and family to keep yourself safe and well.


Best Regards & Good Luck with whatever you decide,

M


P.S. I am a guy and maybe paranoid. But again I will take an ounce of prevention over the cure every day of the week

TommyKnocker

karen90 wrote: »

Emmm well I have thought about it, and I have decided that I'm not going to do the chasing, if he really wants to meet up he could definitely organise something even if its not until he goes to college because by then he will have moved out of his parents house and his parents will not have any control over him then

I'm starting to see him a little differently, one person posted saying that I bet he initiates the sexual talk all the time and yeah he does. Like sometimes I think he just says he likes me to keep me talking to him because he likes to send a lot of flirty messages and it does be fun but when it gets to me trying to know him more, he seems a little distant

I'm gonna back away from this guy, like I don't mind emailing him and chatting on msn but I'm gonna stop the sexual stuff and see how long he sticks around, haha

Hi Karen

I for one think you have made the right decision.


Best Regards,

M

LC2010HIS

I still think this guy is stringing you along and you will only end up getting hurt emotionally if not physically.

• You told him after a while communicating with him that you really liked him and his response was not to tell you that he liked you also, but to start telling you that "you loved him" WTF, I find this a little weird. This may be paranoid, but that is how brainwashing works!!

Completely agree here.
The guy i was in contact with last year was very full on - he told me he loved me within 2weeks of being in contact with me. After a while, i started to "think" i was in love. but i wasnt. in fact - i was in love with the idea of love, and i was very bored. anyway, i got attached, and all of a sudden, i was being messed about - we meet and its great. then, all of a sudden, he goes home and cuts all contact with me cause i pointed out he was stringing me along etc.
the emotional hurt was unbelievable. i meet this guy once, and i can barely function. ok i know what all the posters are thinking - i was stupid, and you know what, ya i was.
thing i dont get was why i was so hurt over it. now that i think of it, he forced his feelings on me, and then just cut contact and im thinking what the hell was that??:eek: listen, im sure you'll find a lovely guy in your area. i have experience, nothing is as it seems. the fact hes asking u to travel should say something. and the fact your asking is it the best idea displays logic in ur head.
Its a bad idea....

LC2010HIS

Can I ask if it is possible that you have used this online guy as a crutch to help get over your break up, instead of going out and putting yourself out there again, as it felt safer? I know that it is not easy to go out and make your self vunerable again .

Pretty much my situation there last year. And it all went pearshaped


Glad to see your gonna back away. Best decision really. Take it from someone who knows

LegacyUser

Guys thank you all so much for the advice, you really helped me a lot, I cant remember who said this but yes I was in love with the idea of being in love because I did just come out of a messy relationship and this guy then came on the scene almost immediatey, he made me forget about the breakup and I was happy but it wasn't that real.

I don't really believe that his parents are strict on him, I believe that he just isn't that bothered of making an effort to see me. And thats fine because I feel like I have made a lucky escape, like I really liked this guy and I don't think he ever did. He doesn't seem to go out much but has loads of friends on facebook, they are prob just online friends and to get away for the weekend to see me was too much of an effort. He knew I was going to go over but I always asked like if I came over what would we do and straight away it would be something sexual but he would then say he was joking. I wanted him to make SOME effort seeing as I'm the one travelling like it would be nice to have something arranged not sex in a hotel

The more I type the more I'm realising I was a fool and he kind of was brainwashing me because he kept saying I loved him jokingly but after we would stop talking I would question myself thinking maybe I was in love but I now know for sure I'm not

Pheww Thankgod I didn't go because it was this weekend I was plannning to go, well if he sticks around and maybe suggests that he is going to visit me in Dublin then that would be brilliant but I doubt it, sure Ill keep you posted

Thanks again everyone