I love you-then dumped!

LegacyUser

Hey,

So, I've been in a long distance relationship for 4 months-I live in Dublin, him in London. We got on so well and he was quite intense making plans for the future ect. I enjoyed it though because I honestly felt he was my soul mate and although the distance was far between us it didn't bother me so much because i knew he was a keeper. Anyway, he told me he loved me and then 10 days later I got dumped by phone. Said he didn't have feelings for me anymore...

Of course I am shocked and hurt and basically heartbroken! I've heard nothing since and this was two weeks ago, I've made no contact nor will I.

Lads, what happened.....?!

FortyPlusHubby

What happened?

I'd guess that he realised that a long-distance relationship means enforced chastity, which is OK for a while but not in the medium or longer term. He probably met somebody he liked, knew it could be more, but in fairness to the lad he did not want to be dishonest to you.

So, end it with you, then be with her.

And.......maybe I'm old and cynical, but I think you need to re-evaluate this "soul mate" concept. Most of us don't find soul mates, we find good mates and marry them,.... if we're really lucky.

40pH

whatsamsn

Basically Op,
Long Distance Relationships rarely work. Sadly, in fact the majority never work.

To sum it up, when two people date and dont see each other for long periods of time. It creates a strain on relationships. Phonecalls, email or even Skype arent good enough.


Basically, things that you have to be wary of when the words "Long distance" gets mentioned:

• Alot of the time, the person who moves steps out of the relationship. As they are the one who is moving - to a new life - new experiences.
• "Trust" - personally, I think takes a backseat. If someone is lonely, horny etc over there and your miles away. You think they would stop the advances of someone they like there?
• Sometimes the whole idea of continuning with long distance is because one party (or both) dont want to be single/lonely, or forget that person. Ignoring certain sad facts ... they rarely work out.
• Some people even say lets be in a LDR - while in reality, they just dont want to deal with breaking up face to face. Let them know over there ... aka cowardly.
• I've seen it happen where a person cheats before they go away. Its bad enough they're likely to cheat over there. Obviously thinking since they wont be returning for "X" amount of time, or at all, the relationship doesnt matter.
• Some people even agree that when one person moves away. They can end things friendly - rarely ends friendly. usually one party cheats.
• Some people agree to a LDR, while in reality they're only moving for a few months or a year (planning on returning) But they dont really care about them. Just keep them in the sidelines in case things dont work out over there.

Yes some have worked but for every one that does, there were loads that didnt.


Basically op.
In your situation. He was just telling you what you wanted to hear. But you cant say I love you and mean it, then 10 days later break up with you over the phone. This is the clear actions of someone who didnt really want a LDR.

To give him the benefit of the doubt to say that maybe he thought he could do it, but realised he cant is foolish. He told you he loved you, 10 days later you get a phonecall to break up.


i'd put money on that he was meant to be returning here at one point over the next few months, right? I say he kept you in the sidelines. Just in case.

panda_cub

I have a much more positive view on having an LDR and I don't know if we can say that was the reason for breaking up in the OP's situation without more information - did he say much when ye broke up? You've said it was on the phone, was there any lead up to it, reasons etc?

I definitely wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he must have wanted to get with someone else, without more info!

He could have just realised it was getting serious and changed his mind or panicked maybe?!

katie99

Well, how did you know he was your soul mater after such a short time?
How many dates did you go on?
Seems to me that you put too much hope into this relationship and desperately wanted it to work.
Move on.

poochierockz

same exact thing happened to me.. recently actually!
theres no point in dwelling over what the reasons were cause you'll never get an answer from the other person.. and sometimes, you dont want to know what the answer is. you just have to take it as it is and as harsh as it sounds, forget him and move on!

opinion guy

whatsamsn wrote: »

• Alot of the time, the person who moves steps out of the relationship. As they are the one who is moving - to a new life - new experiences.
• "Trust" - personally, I think takes a backseat. If someone is lonely, horny etc over there and your miles away. You think they would stop the advances of someone they like there?
• Sometimes the whole idea of continuning with long distance is because one party (or both) dont want to be single/lonely, or forget that person. Ignoring certain sad facts ... they rarely work out.
• Some people even say lets be in a LDR - while in reality, they just dont want to deal with breaking up face to face. Let them know over there ... aka cowardly.
• I've seen it happen where a person cheats before they go away. Its bad enough they're likely to cheat over there. Obviously thinking since they wont be returning for "X" amount of time, or at all, the relationship doesnt matter.
• Some people even agree that when one person moves away. They can end things friendly - rarely ends friendly. usually one party cheats.
• Some people agree to a LDR, while in reality they're only moving for a few months or a year (planning on returning) But they dont really care about them. Just keep them in the sidelines in case things dont work out over there.

In addition to this I'd say that some people go into LDR's cause they find relationships hard work and a LDR gives them the benefits of someone to talk to etc and meet up with occasisionally for getting their rocks off, but then they get to have their normal everyday life unimpeeded by having to allow for someone else's plans. I've seen people like this. Usuakly what happens is when they finally move together the whole thing is no longer convenient and it implodes on itself.


The other things with LDR's. When someone moves away they are in a new environment, meeting new people etc etc. They change. They become someone slightly different to who they were. Yes you can maintain a relationship via phone, skype etc, but really is too easy to pretend for 5 mins on the phone or whatever. Really easy to make excuses when you run out of things to say. Eventually it fails. Either that or they finally move back together and realise they are no long er the same people.

A final point is - if someone was really your 'soul-mate' (not that there is such a thing), woudl they really be moving away to live somewhere else.


LDR's - fine in romance novels but only a heartbreaker in reality