Drunk Driving - but got away with it ...

LegacyUser

Something that has been grinding away at me for a while now .... I don't really know why I am posting this but feel I need to spill it out ....

three years ago I was at a party with many of my close friends including my fiance (we got married a few weeks later)

The party was a messy one, far too much drink ... it was very late when myself, my wife and a good friend decided to leave, trying to flag down a taxi. It was bitterly cold, lashing rain and we had no joy with taxis ... the rest is a total blur.

The next morning I woke up, absolutely in a heap and couldn't remember getting home ... until I saw my car parked outside the front door.

I had done the unthinkable, drove home across the city (taking in country roads, motorways, busy city streets and residential areas) .. I know I was extremely drunk, at the stage of not being able to stand properly.

My wife and friend have little recollection of how I came to the decision to actually drive and how I persuaded them to get in to the car with me. The rest of my friends at the party have no idea I drove home, they all assumed that called back the following evening and picked up my car.

The guilt at the time was stomach churning ... I couldn't sleep for weeks afterwards thinking about what I had done, at my wedding I could hardly enjoy a pint for the fear and guilt.

I don't have a drink problem, I actually don't really drink much .. only for occasions and could go months with out even a pint. Very rarely do I get anywhere close to drunk, but obviously it does not take a lot to get me drunk !!

Now I won't even have a drink if I have to be anywhere the following day, I can go out enjoy a night out with out a drink, that does not bother me. But, every time I do touch a drink I have memories of that night and what could have been.

I have pictured the possible headlines in the newspaper ...'Man kills Fiance and friend days before wedding' ..etc ...

How could I have put at least three lives at risk ... all those people who could have encountered me on that night. At the very least I would have lost my job.

My mind has been doing somersaults for the last few years, I never drove with drink before and never since .. I have even called the local guards to report drink drivers .. my only excuse is that I was so drunk I couldn't trust myself. Now when I do drink that is in the back of my mind .. what happens if I can't trust myself again.

I don't really know why I am typing this, I just feel the need to unjumble my mind .... I just got very lucky after doing something stupid ...


people, don't even have your keys with you when you are out .

Seraphina

Hi OP

I feel I have to post here, though my situation was slightly different. I had spent a weekend abroad with friends at a festival, and on the journey home had continued the festivities. We arrived in at Dublin airport, and it never even occurred to me that I was still drunk. All the alcohol had happened in another country, and for some reason it just didn't register with me how drunk I was until I had gotten home after dropping my friends off, and someone commented. I realised the severity of the situation, and felt paralysing guilt for weeks afterwards, reliving us joking and laughing in the car, and thinking how easily it could all have changed.

It still bothers me to this day, but I have accepted that I was lucky, no one was hurt, and I have vowed never to do this again. You need to give yourself a break and stop beating yourself up over this. We all make mistakes. Yes, it is a big and dangerous one to make, but you have most definitely learned your lesson (as did I).

Denerick

The important thing is that you have done something very stupid but have learnt a vital lesson. Its only a pity there aren't more like you.

LegacyUser

I think your are very courageous for writing what you wrote.
I was in several situations before where I had varying levels of drink and drove home. It was only a fe miles but that doesn't matter whether it is .1km or 10 kms it's still drink driving.
I was also blessed that no one got hurt.
I never take a drink now if I am out and driving even if having a large meal and there is a large gap til the drive home ( I have gone out at 7pm not to drive home until 3am and not had a drink).
I admire your honesty and think your best bet is to try and tell yourself you are not going to do it again. Don't put yourself into the situation where you might have to decide, drunk or not, whether you will drive home.

kjl

I too have made this mistake. Thankfully I was ok and nobody got hurt.

I was on a date with this girl, and being a bit nervous I had a few drinks with her. A few lead to a few more and then we went back to my car and things were getting pretty hot and heavy when she says "lets go to my place". Stupidly I did, and I have regretted it since.

I did learn my lesson, it happened to me 7 years ago and I no longer drink because like yourself I can't trust myself when I drink

Again like you I don't have a problem with drink, in fact quitting was no big deal for me, but the fact of the matter is that I have no control over what I do when I am drunk. Drink driving wasn't the only stupid thing I did either. I have woken up in prison cells and in bed with some pretty nasty women.

I don't think you should feel as guilty as you do. You made a mistake and clearly you have learned from it. What makes a man is not the mistakes he makes, but what he learns from them. This indecent has clearly taught you a valuable lesson. Forgive yourself and move on.

You sound like a bloke with his head screwed on, stop beating yourself up.

krudler

OP there are people who drive drunk every weekend,using the old "its a rural area" excuse. You messed up, and thankfully nobody was hurt, yourselves included, so just make sure you're not in a position for it to happen again, leave the car at home, paying for taxis is a pain in the hole, but being killed or killing someone else is a much higher cost.

mikemac

I did it myself, many times.
True it was a rural area with zero taxi's but still no excuse.

And when I hear about road deaths, realy it's only luck that it wasn't me.
Sure I drove cars full of lads with drink taken,

Certainly not proud of it and that was over seven years ago.

OP, you made a mistake, you learned from and you're not likely to repeat it.
Dragging yourself down with guilt won't change anything now.
So chip up and you have a bright future

SarahSassy

Count your blessings....

To 'pay back' (as Oprah would say), you could donate some money or time to charity....

LegacyUser

OP back here again !! thank you for the understanding, I was expecting a galloping herd of high horses!

SarahSassy wrote: »

Count your blessings....

To 'pay back' (as Oprah would say), you could donate some money or time to charity....

I actually spend about 15 hours a week on voluntary work with a local football team, mainly with the kids, I always played football with the club and when I finished i felt I had to repay the effort and time that was put in to me as a child. I don't do it for guilt, its enjoyable and rewarding at the same time


Getting back to the original post, I suppose I am equating what I did to someone who is guilty of domestic abuse, the addage is 'if he has done it the once, he will do it again' ...

Funnily enough my wife never even mentions the incident, she isn't a drinker, except the odd night at functions or weddings etc ... I know she is disgusted with the fact that it happened, but also blames herself for either getting in to the car or not actually stopping me.

Funnily enough just posting here is helpful, sort of gives me reassurance that I am not an evil monster. Mind you, every time I hear of people who have caused carnage on the roads due to drink I feel so hypocritical condeming them !!

Wibbs

Everybody makes mistakes, that's why there's a delete key on your keyboard. You made one and you learned from it and you wont do it again. Guilt is only useful as an emotion when it makes you think twice before doing it again. You haven't, never will and have moved on in your life, so let the guilt go. It has served its useful purpose.

SarahSassy

horrid guilt wrote: »

I actually spend about 15 hours a week on voluntary work with a local football team, mainly with the kids, I always played football with the club and when I finished i felt I had to repay the effort and time that was put in to me as a child.

Ok well you do that already fair enough - but if it were me I would stay in for a weekend and donate the money to charity or something like that....

Jeanious

Sorry to play devil's advocate here, but ya don't suddenly lose all control of your body when you're drunk...obviously ya still knew how to drive and managed it without veering into a ditch or something. Granted you'd be seriously impaired and all but even still.

I'm assuming there was no reports the next day of people being killed etc. on your route home? If not, consider yourself lucky, take the lesson to heart (which it sounds like ya have done), forget about it and most importantly...RELAX! The way ya come across sounds like you consider yourself worse than hitler.

Kidchameleon

Wibbs wrote: »

Everybody makes mistakes, that's why there's a delete key on your keyboard.

And rubbers on pencil's!!

OP fair play to you for being honest about that. With regards to driving, I feel we can never stop learning, improving. I had one big lesson a few years back and I thank God there wasn't anyone with me that day...

LegacyUser

I drunk drove a few times too. The last time I did resulted in a 3 year ban. Lesson learned! I still don't trust myself to take my car to the pub and not drink.. because not drinking turns into a few drinks and then all logic goes out the window.

I know plenty of people who wrote off cars drink driving. none of them were caught but they all learned their lesson and don't any more

It really isn't acceptable because I could easily have ended up killing someone on the road.
This guy I work with killed 2 kids when he was driving too fast (it's suspected drink was involved too). I don't know how he can live with it.

panda_cub

Wow, can't believe the amount of people who have responded that they have done this.

ILoveGreen

At least you recognize that what you did was completely wrong and you will never do it again. A very bad call, but you regret it now. Don't let that mistake consume you now.

Fiend-Foe

At least you've learnt from it. I used to know a guy who drove drunk all the time. He started the same way you did, but instead of learning his lesson he got more confidence from it and decided that he could get away with it. He would do it constantly, probably still does. I stopped hanging around and going out with him because of this. It's only a matter of time before it all goes wrong, it's almost inevitable. I don't really care about what he does to himself, but really hope no innocents are involved.

tinkerbell

If you drinking results in you making stupid decisions like this then you should not be drinking at all. And considering it did result in you getting in your car and driving, then you should never drink again. Seriously. There is no excuse for it. Consider yourself very lucky that you and everybody else got home in that car safe and nothing happened.

The only way you can ensure that this never happens again is to just never drink again, that's the only way. No amount of charity work is gonna make sure this won't happen again, you need to not drink. And I know you said you don't drink much, but if you got so drunk that night that you don't remember how or why you got into your car and turned the key in the ignition, then you should never be drinking.

tenchi-fan

tinkerbell wrote: »

The only way you can ensure that this never happens again is to just never drink again, that's the only way. No amount of charity work is gonna make sure this won't happen again, you need to not drink. And I know you said you don't drink much, but if you got so drunk that night that you don't remember how or why you got into your car and turned the key in the ignition, then you should never be drinking.

Seriously... just .. seriously.

A once off slip doesn't mean the op should quit drink altogether!

tinkerbell

tenchi-fan wrote: »

Seriously... just .. seriously.

A once off slip doesn't mean the op should quit drink altogether!

Yes it does, that "once off slip" of his could have ended in god knows what. If he does stupid things when he's drunk (and this was at the top end of stupid things) then he should not drink at all. What if it happens again, what excuse will he use then?

SarahSassy

tinkerbell wrote: »

If you drinking results in you making stupid decisions like this then you should not be drinking at all.

A total over-reaction. he just needs to get a taxi to the pub / party in the first place so he is not tempted or else let his wife drive.

Zen65

horrid guilt wrote: »

I have pictured the possible headlines in the newspaper ...'Man kills Fiance and friend days before wedding' ..etc ...

Clearly you have taken steps to ensure this does not happen to you again, but I'm sure your experience also lets you see that people who do find themselves in this position are not always evil drunkards. The reality is that even normally moderate drinkers can find themselves in a position like this if they over-indulge a little. You cannot rely on anybody else to stop you doing something this foolish.

The trick is to plan ahead, as has already been said here. Leave the car at home, pre-book a taxi, or simply decide to take no drink in those situations.

Be at peace,

Z

LegacyUser

At least you learned something from it OP. A Cop finally caught me doing 110mph in a 70 and before that I had a horrible habit of speeding. Traffic court, the deadly scenarios offered to me by the cop, the fact that I was running on tyres that werent even rated to safely handle that speed, and the defensive driving course, and a steep fine have kept me from doing the same since.

It would seem in return the Judge saw it would pan out that way too, because he never filed the paperwork and theres not one damn point on my license a year later.

Take the coupon karma gave you and embrace it.

Rosita

horrid guilt wrote: »

My mind has been doing somersaults for the last few years, I never drove with drink before and never since .. I have even called the local guards to report drink drivers ..

Just wondering if you have reported other drunk drivers to the Gardaí why did you not turn yourself in to them? Why not set the same standards for yourself as you set for others?

Let us be brutally candid here that - rather posting about it in a doubly anonymous fashion on a discussion board - would be the ultimate test of the 'honesty' others are inappropriately attributing to you. It's easy to be 'honest' when there are no consequences.

LegacyUser

Rosita wrote: »

Just wondering if you have reported other drunk drivers to the Gardaí why did you not turn yourself in to them? Why not set the same standards for yourself as you set for others?

Let us be brutally candid here - that, rather posting in a doubly anonymous fashion on a discussion board - would be the ultimate test of 'honesty' and 'guilt'.

OP here again !

While I value all input I feel the above comment is a little too 'high horse'

Firstly, If I walked in to my local garda station now and reported myself .. there is nothing they could do .... it would be a wasted exercise, I couldn't be charged with any crime as there isn't any evidence. The evidence in Drink driving cases is plagued with many loop holes so there isn't a chance in hell of securing a conviction years down the line.

Secondly, what would be gained from doing something like that. For arguments sake if I could be convicted why would I choose to actually ruin my life, my wife's life and the life of my child to clear a guilty mind? Grant it the outcome could have been so much worse, but why choose to wreck the lives of two innocent parties three years after the fact?

as for someone saying I shouldn't ever drink again - I can actually say with confidence that I don't have a drink problem, drink controls no part of my life and is something that is used as a treat on occasion. Actually I was out celebrating a mates 30th on Saturday night and I managed to drink 3 pints before walking home. 3 pints is all I wanted or needed as I prefer to be able to get up in the morning to enjoy my family life !!!

tenchi-fan

Rosita wrote: »

Just wondering if you have reported other drunk drivers to the Gardaí why did you not turn yourself in to them?

:rolleyes:

Rosita

horrid guild wrote: »

Secondly, what would be gained from doing something like that. For arguments sake if I could be convicted why would I choose to actually ruin my life, my wife's life and the life of my child to clear a guilty mind?

What would be gained by it? You would salve the conscience that appeared to be bothering you in your initial post.

I have no difficulty with this, quite normal, reaction in the rest of this post. But why on earth you felt the need to come out with all this 'I'm beating myself up' in the initial post when it's very easy to say it but you did nothing about it.

You made a mistake. People do. But it might be good to consider not having one standard for others and a different one for yourself.

JonathanAnon

sake if I could be convicted why would I choose to actually ruin my life, my wife's life and the life of my child to clear a guilty mind?

Interesting that you are willing to ring in the crime for somebody else and inflict the above sentence on them for drink driving, but not prepared to accept the same crime yourself... Do you think about their kids when you ring the guards?

I think you need to get off the moral high horse here... You drank and drove, you made the decision to do so and are responsible for this decision. If you honestly dont remember getting in the car and driving home then you probably shouldnt be drinking at all, as it is causing you to have blackouts..... If, as I expect, you made the conscious (albeit drunken) decision to drive home that night, you just need to make the conscious decision the next time NOT to drive home..