Facebook - a modern way to erode your self-esteem

LegacyUser

How do you take rejection on facebook?

There is one person at work who I asked to be friends and one I used to work with a few years back (both from different companies). I thought I got on reasonably well with them - I can see they are accepting other friends and using facebook etc so its not like they havent seen the request.

How do you deal with it? What would you do? It makes things very awkward, doesnt it? I passed the guy I work with today and didnt know what to do/say. Bloody facebook.

RodSteel

faceb wrote: »

How do you take rejection on facebook?

There is one person at work who I asked to be friends and one I used to work with a few years back (both from different companies). I thought I got on reasonably well with them - I can see they are accepting other friends and using facebook etc so its not like they havent seen the request.

How do you deal with it? What would you do? It makes things very awkward, doesnt it? I passed the guy I work with today and didnt know what to do/say. Bloody facebook.

Dont use it, waste of time

whatsamsn

Basically op.
You got your answer. They aint friends, or remotely close at all. Even to the point of being "friendly" is asking to much.
They'd probably say "i didnt see your request" - you seen them add other friends. Its like someone says they are out of credit when the dont get back. Cliche excuses.

Its real bad that the person who you work with doesnt accept your friend request. Most people would even accept knowing you currently work together, even if you didnt get on. Just to keep face. Really says what he thinks about you. As for the other person from years ago. They are the same.


As for what you do with the guy you work with currently? you know what he is. Any friendlyness he'll show you in the job is complete falseness. Give him a wide-birth. You know what he is, you know what he really thinks. There is no point to be "false" (aka fake friendlyness) to people when you know what they really think of you

astra2000

People use facebook in different ways some people really value their privacy and will only accept really good friends and family (no bad thing I think). have been requested by people I havent even met how does this make sense? Any way I have seen with mine and my kids fb pages sometmes when you go to accept some one something acts up and the request dissapears into nether world!! Also my nephew requested me and first request never came luckily he mentioned it and didnt go around thinking I rejected his request! Unless I know someone really well I dont make Fb requests . Forget about it no big deal!

KittyeeTrix

astra2000 wrote: »

People use facebook in different ways some people really value their privacy and will only accept really good friends and family (no bad thing I think). have been requested by people I havent even met how does this make sense? Any way I have seen with mine and my kids fb pages sometmes when you go to accept some one something acts up and the request dissapears into nether world!! Also my nephew requested me and first request never came luckily he mentioned it and didnt go around thinking I rejected his request! Unless I know someone really well I dont make Fb requests . Forget about it no big deal!

I have to agree with this......
I've sent requests to people who I would've known from school. Maybe 2-3 didn't accept and at first I was miffed but then realised it's because some people are just willing to use FB for close family and friends.....

Don't worry about it, I'm sure you've had many requests that have been accepted....:)

Jennifurball

Facebook causes so much problems. I have had to delete my ex because I could not stop checking on him and he was making friends with other women, made me feel ill.

Don't take facebook seriously. Maybe they have possessive girlfriends, I have actually been ignored on friend requests, then later messaged saying their girlfriends did it. :eek:

BTW work colleagues really don't matter, you are there to earn a crust, not make random friends. There are things on my page I wouldn't want colleagues knowing about, like my recent split.

AvaKinder

I'd just like to add that some people don't like to have certain categories of work people as friends. I won't add/accept certain people from work because although I really like them and get along well with them in work, I don't really want them seeing photos of me out of my head on nights out and what not. However I do have alot of the other staff as friends because I know they're either not going to judge me, or they have even messier photo's up.

Also consider that some people may have something they want to hide e.g. spouse, cross dressing habit, love of Justin Bieber, which is no reflection on you.

My aunt only adds very close friends as she has pictures of her children up and doesn't want alot of people to have access to her family photos, but still wants family in other parts of the country/world to be able to see them.

LegacyUser

They definitely do not use it only for close friends and family.

Its just very awkward.

The first guy I work with worries me more as Ive to see him most days. It was 3 weeks ago I sent the request! Ugh.

As if being in a social situation wasnt awkward enough, now things like fb make it worse.

What is the deal with these people.

Have other people sent friend requests and any awkward situations/how was it resolved?

R.D. aka MR.D

I agree with people who say it might jst be because you work together.

When i was working i never added anyone in work unless we were REALLY good friends.

If you have people on your profile from work it limits your ability to complain/take a sick day.

Also now i make most of my status updates limited to close friends as I have a few people on there that I wouldn't want my 'professional reputation' tarnished!

So yes Facebook, what a pain!!!

carmel27

Ive declined several friend requests from people at work. Its not because I dont like them, or have anything against them though. Its simply because I firmly believe in keeping my work life and private life very seperate. I get on well with my peers at work, but I have no desire to start up big friendships with them outside of work. Therefore, I dont see any need to be friends with them on facebook. Also, Ive even heard some of them gossiping about things theyve read on other peoples pages, so why the hell would I add them?!!!

Dont get too bogged down in it OP!

krudler

whatsamsn wrote: »

Basically op.
You got your answer. They aint friends, or remotely close at all. Even to the point of being "friendly" is asking to much.
They'd probably say "i didnt see your request" - you seen them add other friends. Its like someone says they are out of credit when the dont get back. Cliche excuses.

Its real bad that the person who you work with doesnt accept your friend request. Most people would even accept knowing you currently work together, even if you didnt get on. Just to keep face. Really says what he thinks about you. As for the other person from years ago. They are the same.


As for what you do with the guy you work with currently? you know what he is. Any friendlyness he'll show you in the job is complete falseness. Give him a wide-birth. You know what he is, you know what he really thinks. There is no point to be "false" (aka fake friendlyness) to people when you know what they really think of you

Wait, what? so because someone declined a friend request on facebook, any friendliness they show in real life must be fake? thats nonsense. theres plenty of people I havent accepted friend requests from at work, but I'd still chat to them in a genuine way. I just dont want that many work people seeing my facebook page, when I'm not at work I'm not at work, and I dont need constant reminders of the place in my private life.

mood

Jennifurball wrote: »

Facebook causes so much problems. I have had to delete my ex because I could not stop checking on him and he was making friends with other women, made me feel ill.

Don't take facebook seriously. Maybe they have possessive girlfriends, I have actually been ignored on friend requests, then later messaged saying their girlfriends did it. :eek:

BTW work colleagues really don't matter, you are there to earn a crust, not make random friends. There are things on my page I wouldn't want colleagues knowing about, like my recent split.

Ye. I've not added my work places facebook page to mine as I don't want boss sending friend request and seeing pics of night out etc. It's good to keep work and personal life seperate unless you are lucky and make 'real' friends in work.

Gyalist

Facebook Friend Lists are your friend. Most people seem to just accept the default Facebook settings but with just a little bit of tweaking and reading of the Facebook Help files all these issues can be solved.

For example, the people on my Family list don't see all the stuff that the people on my Personal Friends List see and vice versa. The people on my Business Friends list see nothing except for my contact information. The people on my Prison List see nothing and probably reckon that my account is inactive.

You may find this video helpful.

Miss Fluff

+1 to above. I will only accept friend requests from work colleagues after I have left a company. I'm quite private and there is no way in hell I want my work colleagues to know what I was up to at the weekend or if I went for a few cheeky drinks on a Tuesday. And I'll only accept friend requests from people that a. I know and b. I like. Why some people are on missions to "collect" Facebook friends is beyond me.

xzanti

Indeed, I would bet my life it's cause you work together, as said above, people want to relax and speak freely on their FB page and if someone from work is a friend, you'll always be having to think twice..

Same with adding photos of nights out etc.. or indeed if you've pulled a sicky, you'll always be worried the person you work with will see you online when you're supposed to be red ridden or whatever..

Don't take it personally..

LittleBook

If I'm not friendly enough with someone to be able to naturally and openly say "Hey dude, didn't you see my FB request?" ... I wouldn't be "friending" them.

shoes34

faceb wrote: »

There is one person at work who I asked to be friends and one I used to work with a few years back (both from different companies). I thought I got on reasonably well with them - I can see they are accepting other friends and using facebook etc so its not like they havent seen the request.

Oh facebook its a hard one, I just decided the other day to delete a lot of people that were on my "friends" list, now these people weren't friends, some were people i worked with or just knew from being out maybe would have a chat with them but wouldn't be calling them up to go out and decided that I now only wanted my friends and maybe a few of my cousins on it so deleted my ex and a load of other people, if they have noticed no one has said anything yet and if I you I'd just keep it for close friends who you see and go out with socially not people you work with or just might randomly meet.

whatsamsn

krudler wrote: »

Wait, what? so because someone declined a friend request on facebook, any friendliness they show in real life must be fake? thats nonsense. theres plenty of people I havent accepted friend requests from at work, but I'd still chat to them in a genuine way. I just dont want that many work people seeing my facebook page, when I'm not at work I'm not at work, and I dont need constant reminders of the place in my private life.

I know everyone is different... but
I'll use my experience as an example. Im 25. And I'd go as far to say 90% of my friends (of similar age) are ridculous with facebook. The majority ranging from having 100-200 to 300 friends. All people they met in college, in jobs, even briefly though friends. I know its the whole "look at me i've got 238 friends so i'm popular" syndrome. But with these people, if they dont accept your friend request. Its pretty certain they dont really like you (knowing how many other random people they have)



Basically, people are right on the thread. That if someone doesnt accept it could be because they only like to have family members. Or like to keep things private. However as much as those reasons above happen, its foolish to ignore the fact that also sometimes people wont accept you, because deep down they might'nt like you.

"Any friendliness they show in real life must be fake?"
You havent worked in an office have you lol. People bitch and moan about other staff members and be nice as pie to their face lol.

LegacyUser

faceb wrote: »

Have other people sent friend requests and any awkward situations/how was it resolved?

I sent a friendrequest to a girl from work whom I got on well with. She didn't accept. I was a bit surprised. But I decided to take her actions in the real world into account instead of her actions on Facebook.

We're still friends (in real life).

You can make it awkward for youself and ignore this guy at work because he didn't accept your friend request. You'll end up losing a friend over something that sprang purely from your imagination though. Is it worth losing a friend over?

Formosa

faceb wrote: »

How do you take rejection on facebook?

There is one person at work who I asked to be friends and one I used to work with a few years back (both from different companies). I thought I got on reasonably well with them - I can see they are accepting other friends and using facebook etc so its not like they havent seen the request.

How do you deal with it? What would you do? It makes things very awkward, doesnt it? I passed the guy I work with today and didnt know what to do/say. Bloody facebook.

Anyone that takes Facebook seriously once they pass 17 years of age would need to take a long hard look at themselves.

username123

I wouldnt think anything of it at all. I often dont bother responding to friend requests for ages - if ive just popped on to check something specific with someone Ill just ignore the dross.

Anyway so what if someone doesnt respond to a friend request? What does it mean? It means someone didnt respond to a friend request on facebook - thats the end of it. I dont see how its awkward etc? There could be any number of reasons, they dont like having work people are facebook friends, they only want to use facebook for specific things, they couldnt be bothered going through their notifications and friend requests too often - any of those things - its nothing personal.

Even if it was personal, someone saw your friend request and thought 'oh im not accepting that' - so what? Its only an internet application, its not like someone refused to speak to you in work or bad mouthed you or stood you up or whatever, they just didnt bother to respond on facebook - no big deal.

If its stressing you out then say it to the person - and see what they say.

Grawns

I turned down my 11 year old niece and then my sister in law and then I deleted my account.

Not for grown ups :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

I dont know what you mean miss fluff by collecting friends - everyone I have on facebook i know and talk to on a regular basis. I dont understand people with 200+ friends - its not possible to know/have that many friends.

I am friendly with this guy in reality. I had some photos of something (that came out bad but nothing sinister at all) that he would be interested in seeing (gosh im not doing myself any favours but it was very innocent). He asked me for a picture of this particular thing - I got the photo a few weeks ago and thought the easiest way would be to do it on facebook and in the subject message I put that in i.e. pic of ... up on facebook.

I dont get facebook and think will stop using it or change the way I used it - its cruel in a way.

astra2000

If he is that interested in the pics he will mention it again and you can mention the message and request. stop worrying about it and taking it so personal also the fact that he has new friends since you requested him may mean other people have responded to his friend requests. To be honest fb is meant to be for fun and you dont sound like your enjoying it too much so you are probably right to reconsider having an account or not!

Miss Fluff

I dont know what you mean miss fluff by collecting friends - everyone I have on facebook i know and talk to on a regular basis. I dont understand people with 200+ friends - its not possible to know/have that many friends.

You're probably younger than me but it is. Not getting into numbers here but through college/various work places/travelling/living abroad of course it is, and it is a nice way of keeping in touch too.

When I say collecting friends there are people who scout the site and literally add or accept any friend request from what I can gather. I am sure you also get lots of friend requests from randomers/pervs etc....think it seems to go with the territory (remind me why the hell I ever joined FB in the first place:eek:)

I am friendly with this guy in reality. I had some photos of something (that came out bad but nothing sinister at all) that he would be interested in seeing (gosh im not doing myself any favours but it was very innocent). He asked me for a picture of this particular thing - I got the photo a few weeks ago and thought the easiest way would be to do it on facebook and in the subject message I put that in i.e. pic of ... up on facebook

You probably didn't do yourself the biggest favour there. An innocent situation that looks bad? He asked for a photo from you that turns out to be less than flattering and you send it on with a friend request? I know it was well intentioned but it might not have come across that way at all. This person might have seen this less than flattering photo and thought wtf?

blairbear

I feel a bit weird now; at this moment in time I've over 800 friends (from travelling, college, work, socialising) on FB. I've never added or accepted anyone I haven't met. I never message people I don't know or reply to random messages. I'm 27 and think of myself as a pretty mature girl. I really don't think FB is just for kids. My friendships have actually blossomed through the site. For example; I'd meet a cool girl on a night out, we add each other, get chatting, then hang out again. Likewise if I meet a hot guy and we don't exchange numbers/jump straight into the sack. If he adds me on FB, I can actually get a really good idea of his interests and some facets of his personality. It's just a modern way of networking and telling the OP just not to bother with it is unrealistic.

Anyway, it may just be because you work together. I accept work colleagues but put most of them on limited profile. I do NOT want them to see what mischief I'm up to! Is the friend request ignored or just pending confirmation? I find that lads are less into FB in general really (girls get more enjoyment out of photos of themselves and their friends etc IMO) so he may have ten friend requests sitting there right now that he hasn't accepted yet.

I've been ignored on it and removed by people I thought I was close to. People have such random reasons for that kinda stuff... You can't let it get in on you.

What was the photo of??

John Mason

the only people i add as friends are people who are my ACTUAL friends not people who are mere acquiantances.

loads of work people have tried to add me but i have refused. i work them, they are not my friends. i dont see them at weekends, i dont know where they live etc.

why would you even want to add this person, it sounds like you havent seen them in years

finbarrk

I don't know how any adults could be bothered with facebook anyway. It's a kids thing. Grow up.

whatsamsn

A nice funny facebook story

My brother recently told me about a girl who works in an office. My bro doesnt work in that office, but goes there for various reasons regularly (same company type of deal)

He came across her facebook page. Noticed she had loads of people in the office she works with as friends. Her page was not on private. So everything could be read.

Unbelievable is the best word to use. She regularly posts comments about the people she works with. Calling them hypocrites, two faced etc etc. Half of the time, thats all she does. Moans about them. ... and she has them added as friends


The point of the story I guess is ... even people accept people they work for to be "friendly" (aka, false)

BornToBe?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHm-zcFI8P0

does that some things up?

Gone West

faceb wrote: »

They definitely do not use it only for close friends and family.

Its just very awkward.

The first guy I work with worries me more as Ive to see him most days. It was 3 weeks ago I sent the request! Ugh.

As if being in a social situation wasnt awkward enough, now things like fb make it worse.

What is the deal with these people.

Its fairly simple then. He just does not like you.
Not everybody in the world has to like or get on with you.
Don't worry about it, move on with your life... No point obsessing about it.

BornToBe?

el judìo wrote: »

Its fairly simple then. He just does not like you.
Not everybody in the world has to like or get on with you.
Don't worry about it, move on with your life... No point obsessing about it.

I think she really likes this guy;)
otherwise, why would a girl worry so much as to why he wont add her as a friend, I mean, "so you just don't got the 2 seconds??"