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What a mess I have made

  • 26-07-2010 7:52pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I feel like I am looking at myself from the outside and want to shake me to cop on, I have made such a mess of things. I am married but have over the last year kissed another guy, it has only happened a few times, like 3 or 4 times over the last year or so. It happened again at the weekend and a little more than kissing happened this time. I don't know what to do, I feel like telling my husband and then keep changing my mind coz Im so afraid of what he will do. My husband is a great guy, but if I can do this to him then I obviously am not in love with him anymore and its not fair to stay with someone when I have betrayed him like this. Emotionally I feel numb, I want to cry but I can't. The guy I kissed is also married and every time we have kissed in the past I swore to myself I would never do it again but for some reason he sucks me in everytime, I told a close friend about the first kiss and she was shocked, Im really not the kind of person to do this but I was too embarrassed to tell her about the other times and I feel like Im going insane not talking to someone. Im doing pretty well keeping up this pretence that everything is ok but inside Im drowning and its only a matter of time before it all comes out. I don't even know why Im posting this here but I think I just need to put it down and see it in front of me....


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    ok so you will probably get the usual you should know better bla bla but i feel you already know that.

    I know you probably feel a little trapped at the moment but you really need to visualise how you will feel if this gets out - things like this usually do. will the little buzz you are getting be worth it?

    it will be to late then but you will wish you had done the right thing and walked away.
    I dont agree that you are definitely not in love with your husband but you are lacking something. why not try to identify what is missing from your life and trying to get it back.

    do things spur of the moment with your husband and try and re inject the spark.

    even if you're marraige was over and you cant save it how would you feel if this mans wife turns up on your door and you know you have ripped her life apart- would you be comfortable with this

    I dont mean to be harsh but these are all questions you need to ask yourself.

    you need to break contact with this guy and look at what changes you need to make in your own life.

    good luck


  • #3
    astra2000
    Closed Accounts Posts: 734 ✭✭✭astra2000


    hmmm how shocked was your best friend? Do you think you can speak with her again she might be able to help and if she is your friend she will support you! My bf recently confessed similar story to me I prob was shocked but not judgemental and I hope I didnt come across as such talk to your friend again!


  • #4
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    messymarraige wrote: »
    3 or 4 times over the last year or so.

    OP, at the end of it all, I dont know you (probably) but I will be straight with you. I dont care about the moral implications about what you are doing but you do need a kick in the ass, and given that you wont tell anyone close to you what you are up to, Ill do you the favour of giving it to you here.

    COP THE F ON......

    Once is bad enough but 3 or 4 times is pathetic and so selfish... You are making conscious decisions to betray your husband. How do you keep ending up in this situation with this guy that you can kiss / shag him. Where is your husband when you meet him and are you orchestrating these meetings with your lover or do ye just bump into each other (literally as well as figuratively)???

    Its pure wrong.
    messymarraige wrote: »
    It happened again at the weekend and a little more than kissing happened this time.

    Thats a very passive sentence there - it didnt happen - you MADE IT happen. I didnt shag a married man at the weekend as I didnt put myself in the position where it could happen. you mad the choices. Are you drinking too much?
    messymarraige wrote: »
    then I obviously am not in love with him anymore and its not fair to stay with someone when I have betrayed him like this.

    Cop out. You are in a marriage for life and you need to give it a good go.. Its not fair on your husband to treat him like this and stop whining like a child. You are utterly responsible for this mess and you owe it to your husband to give it a go by cutting all contact with this guy and moving on.

    You dont even mention if you like your lover or is it just a game for you? A ploy for attention??
    messymarraige wrote: »
    Im really not the kind of person to do this
    Yes you are and 3 or 4 times over. That 'kind of person' doesnt have to walk round wearing a sign.. Its the person on the bus beside you, the school teacher, the pilot, the priest ffs and its also you.
    messymarraige wrote: »
    its only a matter of time before it all comes out.

    How so? It seems to me that you are hell bent on destroying this marriage and ruining your husbands life... did you use protection?


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