Narcastic personality disorder

LegacyUser

Can a friendship be saved if one person is suffering from depression or possibly even a personality disorder or maybe even both. The personality disorder i am talking about here is narcastic personality disorder.

To be more specific i have a sister at home and I and my family believe she has this personality disorder and/or depression. Its undiagnosed because she doesnt she anything wrong with her actions so right now its just speculation. I am not going into details of everything that has happened or I will be here all day but her behaviour and treatment towards us is bang out of order. Her treatment of others is causing a lot of stress in the household and she is 100% sure that it is everyone else that has the problem when she herself is her own worst enemy. She was asked so many times to leave but she wont move out and my parents dont want to throw her out to be homeless.

AdmiralRazor

Hey NPDvictim,

I think what you're referring to is Narcissistic Personality Disorder; an exagerrated sense of self-importance, egotism and entitlement, at the expense of everything and everyone else. Studies have shown that it comes from a lack of true identity and self-esteem, which causes the sufferer to experience life as an empty and meaningless state, leading them to direct every internal iota of thoughtspace back upon themselves.

Anyway, I digress. Your sister sounds like she's a textbook case of NPD, which is why she's making everyone around her miserable. The sad truth is that this psychological condition is as destructive as it is deep-seated.

You should suggest to your parents that they give her an ultimatum; therapy or the streets. Most likely she will refuse the first option, as from her oh-so-important viewpoint the rest of the world is the problem. Perhaps a night or two of living rough might convince her of the error of her ways and force her to make the unselfish choice for once.

Denerick

Ultimatums are not good ideas and good parents will not make their children homeless.

You just need to start drawing boundries, telling her what the limits are and will be and she can't get away with making everyone else miserable. Constantly tell her to go see a therapist. With disorders like these, the sufferer genuinely has no insight into their own problem and hence see's everyone else as the problem and fail to recognise their own shortcomings. She needs to be told, she won't figure it out herself.

LegacyUser

Thank you admiralrazor and denerick for replying. What you both wrote made so much sense. Unfortunately Denerick speaking and talking does not work because she ignores the people with 'problems' (control and the self importance admiralrazor was talking about).

AdmiralRazor

Ha, I forgot to mentions that NPD sufferers are control freaks too!

Maybe the ultimatum is an extreme, but I've had a lot of experience with people like your sister, and I've found that the only way to deal with said people was to either extricate myself from the situation or force the other person's hand.

I really hope things change with your sister; all said and done, she's gonna need her family. I think that narcissists are probably the loneliest people on Earth.

The Corinthian

Self or amateur diagnosis of any psychological condition is a dangerous thing. To begin with personality disorders are a point of debate in psychiatric circles and there is a fair bit of disagreement as to how to even define, let alone diagnose, them.

Additionally, it is very easy to extrapolate a diagnosis of a personality disorder from many people. All a person needs to be is egotistical, perhaps prone towards certain patterns of behavior and hey presto - instant psychopath.

The main issue I would have with such amateur diagnoses however is that all too often they are extrapolated for the purposes to proving a pre-existing assumption - if the person is behaving in a manner you dislike, it's because they're 'sick' and thus justifies any action or choice you may make towards them.

So while your sister may well suffer from a personality disorder, it could be one of several (narcissism is a component in pretty much all of them). She could also be suffering from something else; depression or stress, for example. Professional councilling may be advisable before jumping to any conclusions or course of action.

Novella

Jeez, I'm no expert but I definitely wouldn't jump to the conclusion that the OP's sister has NPD. For a start, I watched a documentary about it on 4oD and you must present at least four out of nine traits to be diagnosed. It's impossible from the OP's original and brief post to know what his sister is suffering from, and internet speculation like so isn't exactly appropriate imo.

Having a mental illness does of course put a lot of strain on relationships, that goes without saying. Sufferers of depression etc., may want to spend a lot of time alone and thus leave loved ones feeling isolated, and a gap forming in the relationship. There are many support groups for relatives of people with mental illness.

If your sister won't recognise that she has a problem, maybe it is because she can't. It is important to be sympathetic and causing more anguish or stress will not make her more likely to want to open up about any problems or issues she may have or be having.

Best of luck, OP, and I do hope that things look up for you, your sister and your family very soon.

katie99

I know a girl who would fit the bill.
She loves talking about herself all of the time, and believes she and her job are more important than anyone else.
She moved in with her bf and within a week had a rota drawn up about which of them cleaned each week, cooked and bought the weekly shop.
When we all met up she wouldn't show any interest in us and our lives, it was always about her.
She thought she was a high roller and applied for a job in a senior management position. She was interviewed and had to so some pschometric tests.
She didn't get the job. She was stunned and shattered.
The Recruitment agent told her she wasn't suited for the job in question.
But that hasn't changed her. She is still with her fella and we all feel God help him.

metrovelvet

That sounds like arrogance, not necessarily NPD.

One should be skeptical of these categories. They can trap people into destinies and dont recognise the full human dimension, that people can change even beyond the scope of individual will and that we are more than what the professionals label.

She will not change without a motive to change, if she does have NPD. On the plus side, NPD does not have an unchangeable essence, unlike some other disorders.

How old is your sister? I dont believe you can have an official diagnosis until you are 16, because adolescents tend to be narcissistic to begin with.

Do you think maybe she's just selfish and dissociative?

Victor

Please don't make internet diagnoses. There is just too little evidence to come to a meaningful conclusion.

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It might be worthwhile for your parents to bring your sister to her GP (to prove them wrong ).

Nolanger

The Corinthian wrote: »

Self or amateur diagnosis of any psychological condition is a dangerous thing.

It's called 'psychobabble' and there's too much of it going on in this country.