Serious advice needed

Tallaght Saint

Me and my girlfriend of two years split up about 3 weeks ago because she said that she wanted to be on her own. Obviously I was upset about it but what she did next made it a whole lot worse. About 3 days after we split, she was in a relationship with a guy from her course. And how I found out about it was on facebook as her relationship status. This absoutely killed me. And so ever since i've been seriously down.

So last night I was having a few social beers with my mates in their house. And guess who was there, my ex and her new bf. After about 20 minutes they left, which just made me feel worse if i'm honest. While the rest of us chatted about her and the new bloke (who i slated for looking like a junkie), my friends phone rang. It was her saying she coming back around. Without him. So in she comes, sits down right beside me and starts talking in my ears. She says she doesn't want to be with him, that she can't do it anymore as all he did was argue with her and insult her. She kisses me. And announces to everybody that she left this guy and right there asks me to be her boyfriend again. Everybody in the group was delighted as they didn't really like this new fella. Obviously I was over the moon and couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the night.

And so today we had planned to hang out with our friends again. I was going to meet her over there as I was coming from work. I got there before her and about 20 minutes later she arrives. I knew as soon as she walked out the back garden there was something wrong. She pulls me to the side and says i'm going to tell you the truth. She says that she doesn't know what she wants. She said she loved him. That hit me like a bloody train. I couldn't believe that she loves him after only three weeks. Then I noticed on her phone that her wallpaper was of him, having been me the night before. I can't say how devastated I was after this. Then later on she rang me saying we shouldn't talk anymore

I really need advice about what to do about her. The best advice i've got about the whole thing was off girls so I was hoping if you guys could help as much as possible.

Thanks.

The_Kew_Tour

Hey I know you prob wanted girl advice but I like just giVe my take.

You need to let this girl go from your life. The thing is she does not loVe you anymore. I hate saying it but tHis girl is using you in way to get to him. She so used to being in relationship that she does not want be alone but if she cant have him for right reason then you are their to take the fall

Personally I would just step aside and forget about her. I know it's hard I have been their but believe me in time you will be glad.

Walk away, take time out about what you want and forget what she wants.

You deserve better dude.

g'em

moved from tLL

Giblet

She's pathetic, how childish is to set your phone background to define your relationship. You don't need this, she seems like an attention seeker. Remove her completely from your life, you will get over it, don't give her an inch. She'll try come back to you again. She sounds like she loves the drama.

finbarrk

You must get rid of her and forget about her. You won't ever have trust in her if you stay with her.

LegacyUser

She sounds like a nasty piece of work OP. I know you love her and I know it's HARD to get over a relationship of that length of time. But really look how she's treating you. Picking you up and dropping you like your feelings don't count, the stupid phone wall paper thing (I mean come on how old is she).

Please try get her out of your life and start the process of healing as soon as you can. You are better off without her in the long run.

spinandscribble

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

Me and my girlfriend of two years split up about 3 weeks ago because she said that she wanted to be on her own. Obviously I was upset about it but what she did next made it a whole lot worse. About 3 days after we split, she was in a relationship with a guy from her course. And how I found out about it was on facebook as her relationship status. This absoutely killed me. And so ever since i've been seriously down.

So last night I was having a few social beers with my mates in their house. And guess who was there, my ex and her new bf. After about 20 minutes they left, which just made me feel worse if i'm honest. While the rest of us chatted about her and the new bloke (who i slated for looking like a junkie), my friends phone rang. It was her saying she coming back around. Without him. So in she comes, sits down right beside me and starts talking in my ears. She says she doesn't want to be with him, that she can't do it anymore as all he did was argue with her and insult her. She kisses me. And announces to everybody that she left this guy and right there asks me to be her boyfriend again. Everybody in the group was delighted as they didn't really like this new fella. Obviously I was over the moon and couldn't stop smiling for the rest of the night.

And so today we had planned to hang out with our friends again. I was going to meet her over there as I was coming from work. I got there before her and about 20 minutes later she arrives. I knew as soon as she walked out the back garden there was something wrong. She pulls me to the side and says i'm going to tell you the truth. She says that she doesn't know what she wants. She said she loved him. That hit me like a bloody train. I couldn't believe that she loves him after only three weeks. Then I noticed on her phone that her wallpaper was of him, having been me the night before. I can't say how devastated I was after this. Then later on she rang me saying we shouldn't talk anymore

I really need advice about what to do about her. The best advice i've got about the whole thing was off girls so I was hoping if you guys could help as much as possible.

Thanks.

You're dealing with a little girl who only thinks about herself and i mean this in the nicest way possible but stop being such a puppy.

If my recent ex swaned in o the house, asking to be with them again in front of everyone, putting on a show like that, i'd tell them to swan right back out again. Have more respect for yourself and cut her completely from your life. I know its hard but shes treating you like a doormat.

Mancoach

Hi OP

Thats a terrible situation for you to be in. I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster you've been on in the last few day's.

The generic advice im sure will be "your better off with out her" "your too good for her etc and from the sounds of things i would have to agree.

However this is your Girlfriend were talking about , who you have no doubt invested heavily in emotionally over the last 2 years. So i think the real question is: Do you want her back?

If so then specific advice and tactics are required

Tallaght Saint

Of course I want her back, I love her more than anything. But I can't deal with her changing her mind every few days. Even her best frends are telling me to forget all about her.

spinandscribble

You can't change her. If all she cares about is herself you can't change that. You can't force someone to care for you.

Have some respect for yourself op, no one deserves to be treated this way, even her friends are trying to help you.

fallen01angel

Hi OP,here's the problem...you want her back but the fact that she changes her mind about your relationship ever 2 mins.You've got to step back and look at the situation logically,could you cope with never knowing what she's actually feeling...she wants me/doesn't want me,constantly being on edge.Maybe she doesn't want to be tied down at the mo,maybe she's getting a v twisted kick of tying out up in knots!!However if her own best friends are saying to forget her it might be wise to heed their advice.

Tallaght Saint

I am trying to move on but it's hard when she still tells me that she loves me. How can she say this yet be so inconsiderate of my feelings?

Giblet

She doesn't care, she just wants to keep her options open and have you stick around so she won't have far to fall.

fallen01angel

Because you're her faithfully fall back guy.....in truth she sounds like a b**ch,sorry but she does...parading her new guy under your nose,finishing it with him then asking out out again in front of all your friends only to finish it again the following night....saying she LOVES him-God she's a muppet!!You may be a really nice guy,you may be an idiot I don't know but seriously have some self respect for yourself,I know you're in a state at the moment and I can see why you would be but I guarentee that if you gave yourself a bit of time you will get over her.....

Wibbs

Scrape her off and any of your bad luck with her. IMHO what happened? She got the itch in the crotch for this guy, things were waning with you, so you get dumped he slots in as a replacement. Replacement didnt take, so rather than being on her Todd she selfishly runs back to you. Eh no. Not a good sign.

Plus I can pretty much guarantee he was in play before 3 weeks ago. She was looking for an out probably 2/3 months back? Think back around that time and look to any arguments you may have had. I'd put good money there was one and that's what kicked her off into replacement mode.

TL;DR? Scrape her off. You'll get better.

Tallaght Saint

Well she met this guy in the course she started about 4/5 weeks ago so we can rule out that it's been going on for a few months. I do agree that I should "scrape" her off and i'm trying to move on. Problem is it's my mate birthday party on saturday and she's going to be there. I'm planning on completely staying away and ignoring her for the whole night. What should I do if she starts talking to me, which I know she will.

Virgil°

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

Problem is it's my mate birthday party on saturday and she's going to be there. I'm planning on completely staying away and ignoring her for the whole night. What should I do if she starts talking to me, which I know she will.

Be polite ,short, don't cause a scene and for the love of god do not even consider taking her back again.Then try to enjoy your night.
Tbh this is all still very fresh hurting and your going to find it very hard to be objective but like has been said she treated you VERY poorly and doesnt deserve anything from you.
Stay strong.

Moomoo1

I wouldn't have her back just for lying about the reason for your original breakup (saying she needed to be on her own when that was the last thing on her mind).

I can fully believe she doesn't know what she wants, and in some way feel sorry for her. But as far as you are concerned, that's already not good enough: in this instance someone who is less than 100% committed to you is as good as someone who is not committed at all.

SarahSassy

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

Of course I want her back, I love her more than anything. But I can't deal with her changing her mind every few days. Even her best frends are telling me to forget all about her.

And they have your best interested at heart and ahve perspective on the situation. You know yourself that this is messed up carry on.

I dont know which of you (the new guy or you) is the fall back guy but she is playing you both. No one deserve that and you will get over her...

SS

PS dont blame the new guy - as far as he wa concerned she was single. She is the messer

Miss Fluff

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

I am trying to move on but it's hard when she still tells me that she loves me. How can she say this yet be so inconsiderate of my feelings?

Hon she does not love you if she can treat you so cruelly. Take some control back and move on.

SarahSassy

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

Problem is it's my mate birthday party on saturday and she's going to be there..

Just dont go. Your friend will understand. She is only going to play with your head. Otherwise, go and dont drink so you can keep your wits about you

Wibbs

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Hon she does not love you if she can treat you so cruelly. Take some control back and move on.

Exactly. This idea of "but but he/she loves me" or "but but I lover her/him" is a rock many people perish on.

Always think of actions not words. I walk up tp you and punt you in the family jewels and at the same time say "you know Tallaght Saint, you're a lovely bloke". Which would you believe?

If she loved you she wouldnt have left, she wouldnt have used the "I want to be alone" guff, while getting into rumpy pumpy with another bloke.

metrovelvet

She's yo yo ing you. Next move is the downward dog. Do you know that trick? That's where you take the yo yo and drag it across the floor and up again and repeat. You tube it for visuals.

Sleepy

To the kerb with her tbh.

Have some respect for yourself and tell her you want nothing more to do with her.

Beruthiel

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

About 3 days after we split, she was in a relationship with a guy from her course.

She says she doesn't want to be with him, that she can't do it anymore as all he did was argue with her and insult her. She kisses me.
And announces to everybody that she left this guy and right there asks me to be her boyfriend again.

She says that she doesn't know what she wants. She said she loved him.

The girl hasn't a clue what she wants and she's treating you like a piece of crap stuck to the heel of her shoe.
She's able to do that because you have allowed her to.
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

If she ever comes near you again, clearly tell her that she's had her chance, she blew it and that you are having nothing more to do with her.

whatsamsn

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

Well she met this guy in the course she started about 4/5 weeks ago so we can rule out that it's been going on for a few months. I do agree that I should "scrape" her off and i'm trying to move on. Problem is it's my mate birthday party on saturday and she's going to be there. I'm planning on completely staying away and ignoring her for the whole night. What should I do if she starts talking to me, which I know she will.

Thats all I need to hear.
- She is on this course for 4/5 weeks.
- Then dumps you.
- days later shes officially with him and even puts it on her facebook.


My friend, look at it from an outside view. She was hooking up with him behind your back. Take yourself out of the situation. Imagine its someone else. What conclusion would you come to? the same as everyone who replied in this thread.


Op,
we've all made mistakes in relationships. Mistakes when we look back we think "argh i was so stupid and blind! why didnt i see things" ... this is one of them.

greengiant09

no offence but it's sooo obvious what you should that i find it almost unbelievable that you need outside opinions on this. this is a complete no-brainer....cut her out of your life completely.

if you don't, prepare to be treated like dirt....don't say you weren't warned later either.

Tallaght Saint

Thanks for all the advice peeps. I've taken it all on board and told her that i'm completely done with the whole thing. I said we could try be friends in a few months but for the time being I want no contact.

And after all this, she starts spouting on about this new fella. Such a nice girl :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

"And after all this, she starts spouting on about this new fella."QUOTE

why do u think she did that??....to make u jealous! this girl seems like she knows how to play people...it's all a game to her. you seem a little naive so try and be more on guard....you can't trust people like her. rule her out of your life for good...not just for a few months....no good can come of it if u let her back into your life.

Miss Fluff

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice peeps. I've taken it all on board and told her that i'm completely done with the whole thing. I said we could try be friends in a few months but for the time being I want no contact.

And after all this, she starts spouting on about this new fella. Such a nice girl :rolleyes:

You've made the right decision my dear. And I'd be strict with yourself on the no contact thing, avoid her like the plague. Now that you have made the decision and taken the control back you will begin to feel that little bit better immediately

Elle Collins

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice peeps. I've taken it all on board and told her that i'm completely done with the whole thing. I said we could try be friends in a few months but for the time being I want no contact.

And after all this, she starts spouting on about this new fella. Such a nice girl :rolleyes:

For God's sake stick to your guns. That's one silly little cow you've had messing with your head there.

petethebrick

Ok, I'm going to be a bit harsh - you need to stop being such a fcuking idiot!
She doesn't give a **** about you, I mean setting up with another dude three weeks after a two year relationship is one thing but broadcasting it around facebook, in the pub etc clearly shows that she has no respect for you what so ever.
You state that you were delighted when she announced in the pub that she wanted you back
Did the despicable manner in which she treated you not come into play at all. If you go back to her again I have no sympathy for you to be honest. Time to grow a pair and have some self respect at least. Don't avoid parties because she'll be there. Go to them and just ignore the bitch. If she asks you to hook up again etc tell her to fcuk off is my advice. Tramps like her need to learn that they can't act in the manner in which she does.

petethebrick

Tallaght Saint wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice peeps. I've taken it all on board and told her that i'm completely done with the whole thing. I said we could try be friends in a few months but for the time being I want no contact.

And after all this, she starts spouting on about this new fella. Such a nice girl :rolleyes:

Why?? Fcuk her, you don't need friends like her in your life