Where are all the bi guys?

Dave_24irl

Hey lads,

I'm a 24 year old guy and I am a bit at a loss recently. I am a good looking lad and I have had my fair share of girls over the years but I am most definitely bisexual. I am wondering though, where are all the bi guys? I have been to clubs on the scene and to be honest I havn't found it to be a good way of meeting like-minded guys, as for gaydar, well every second guy on there identifies as 'bi' but on further investigation it becomes clear that they are in fact gay.

I would like to find some genuine bi lads as I feel its hard being in the closet so to speak about this side of myself. I've also never been with or had a relationship with another man and at this point it really is getting me down.

Not really sure what I am expecting in terms of replies but if there are any groups/societies/etc. where I can meet like-minded lads my age that'd be great to know!

Thanks,

Dave

Doop

this mightened make a whole lotta sense but if your bi and want to score guys whats wrong with gay guys? bi people dont only score other bi people... but then again what do i know!

esposito

Doop wrote: »

this mightened make a whole lotta sense but if your bi and want to score guys whats wrong with gay guys? bi people dont only score other bi people... but then again what do i know!

And there are plenty of straight-acting gay guys out there too. I am one of them

Dave_24irl

Doop wrote: »

this mightened make a whole lotta sense but if your bi and want to score guys whats wrong with gay guys? bi people dont only score other bi people... but then again what do i know!

I was kind of referring to it in two ways. First, from a hooking up perspective in which case gay or bi is not relevant. But more importantly from a friendship perspective. I would like to have a bi-male mate(s) to talk to, relate to, share stories etc. I have yet to find a guy with the same orientation as me , that is the root of my problem. I guess staying in the closet hasnt helped butI have noticed amongst people my age a huge lack of openly biseuxal guys.

L1011

There's a problem that there just aren't many openly bisexual men around, and many of those that are that I know have settled down with someone at this stage.

However, if you come out or otherwise get to know more 'gay' people you'll find that some of them are non-openly bisexual. There's also the possibility you'd find out that there are people you'd know as straight who, well, aren't!

Annasopra

There is a group called Bi Irish - according to a poster on another forum it was inactive for a long time but is now active again

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bi-irish/

Eebs

There is the dublin bi group actually. There's meeting regularly once a month now. I know it's on facebook I'll try find a link.

http://dublinbisexualgroup.ning.com/events/monthly-meet-up-1?xg_source=facebookshare

The girl who runs it is really nice.


I'm bi too btw. There are a lot of boardsies who are bi actually.

Dr. Baltar

Yup, bi male here too. A lot of my friends in college are bi (though I do know more gay guys) but in gay bars and anything related to "the scene" it's very rare to come across bi guys. I find that bisexual guys tend to be less apart of "the scene" than gay people.

Dwn Wth Vwls

I'm also bi and think it's mostly a question of people not mentioning it (for a variety of reasons). I know I never really say it unless I'm specifically questioned. People usually presume straight or gay, usually based on where you are or who you're with.

I think you tend to find bisexual males on the internet a lot more easily. Any forum devoted to sexuality tends to have its fair share. I remember finding one that was exclusively for bi males, and it was quite a busy place. There are also a lot of guys with girlfriends, who won't admit it anywhere but online for fear of the repercussions.

Dr. Baltar

Dwn Wth Vwls wrote: »

I'm also bi and think it's mostly a question of people not mentioning it (for a variety of reasons). I know I never really say it unless I'm specifically questioned. People usually presume straight or gay, usually based on where you are or who you're with.

I think you tend to find bisexual males on the internet a lot more easily. Any forum devoted to sexuality tends to have its fair share. I remember finding one that was exclusively for bi males, and it was quite a busy place. There are also a lot of guys with girlfriends, who won't admit it anywhere but online for fear of the repercussions.

True, it's almost as if a bisexual person is straight so long as he's with the opposite sex and gay so long as he is with the same sex.

hare05

Yeah,bi-sexual or bipolar-sexual lol

Dr. Baltar

hare05 wrote: »

Yeah,bi-sexual or bipolar-sexual lol

What the hell is that even supposed to mean?

rainbow kirby

hare05 wrote: »

Yeah,bi-sexual or bipolar-sexual lol

Elaborate please.

L1011

That your either one or the other at the one time, I suspect.

Eebs

MYOB wrote: »

That your either one or the other at the one time, I suspect.

Thats just a stupid concept. (Not saying it's your opinion).

Being with a woman doesn't make me not fancy women and vice versa.

hare05

Sorry for the confusion lads. No offense meant (judging by the above I'd say their was some taken)

What I meant was that everyone's interests are different, but when you find someone you like, you tend to notice only their traits. So if you fancy a particular guy at the current moment, you'll focus on them, and anyone else you see will be judged on that, likewise for fancying a girl.

Obviously it's a gross simplification, but, for me at least, I tend to jump from one extreme to the other. When I'm interested in a guy, it's mainly guys. When I'm interested in a girl, it's mainly girls. So I decided as a joke to call myself bipolar sexual lol.

Elaborate enough? xD I really gotta stop posting from my phone xD

I suppose the ramifications of this is that a bi guy in a gay relationship will go into 'gay-mode' and most likely associate in 'gay' circles if their partner is completely gay, while a bi guy in a straight relationship will go into 'straight-mode'. When you're in a monogamous relationship you just don't feel the need to identify your sexuality on both sides.

Of course it gets even more confusing for us trans-gendered as this early I'm still too confused to know when I'm being straight, when I'm being gay/lesbian or even if I should be thinking about it XD

rainbow kirby

Fair enough, just wanted you to try and back up what you were saying there.

hare05

Yeah lol. HTC's are great phones, but entering large chunks of text in a text box is really annoying so I just tend to simplify. And simplify. And simplify.

And then the message gets lost behind what looks like an ignorant trolling

Annasopra

hare05 wrote: »

Yeah lol. HTC's are great phones, but entering large chunks of text in a text box is really annoying so I just tend to simplify. And simplify. And simplify.

And then the message gets lost behind what looks like an ignorant trolling

It's fine - I got the joke first time

MicraBoy

Dr. Baltar wrote: »

True, it's almost as if a bisexual person is straight so long as he's with the opposite sex and gay so long as he is with the same sex.

Fact. If you are lucky enough to find a life partner, you will be perceived as having decided you are straight if they are opposite sex, and you will be perceived as having decided you are gay if they are same sex.

Dwn Wth Vwls

MicraBoy wrote: »

Fact. If you are lucky enough to find a life partner, you will be perceived as having decided you are straight if they are opposite sex, and you will be perceived as having decided you are gay if they are same sex.

And if you still regularly make it clear that you're bisexual it goes something like this;

bi male with a husband: insecure, delusional, not accepting that you're actually gay
bi male with a wife: marrying a trophy wife but still out having sex in the bushes with men on the sly
bi female with a husband: attention seeking
bi female with a wife: ultimately going to leave the woman and go back to men so you can have kids and a nuclear family

But this is a bit off topic now that I think about it.

Heebie

esposito wrote: »

And there are plenty of straight-acting gay guys out there too. I am one of them

Personally, I don't like the term "straight acting".. I'm not acting.. I'm just usually mistaken for straight. (I was literally mistaken for straight once when I was 18, in a gay bar wearing a shirt of hot pink and white stripes, baby blue pants, rainbow suspenders, and several pride pins.)

As for a bi guy looking for bi guys.. I can understand that if he's looking for someone into 3-ways with females, or just someone he can really identify with. I know I don't identify very strongly with straight men, and I don't identify at all with women. I prefer the company of gay men.. so I can see the attraction for a bi guy looking for other bi guys, and not gay guys. (not to mention the animus that seems to exist between gays & bi's.. which the OP might be looking to avoid.)

stephen_n

Heebie wrote: »

Personally, I don't like the term "straight acting".. I'm not acting.. I'm just usually mistaken for straight. (I was literally mistaken for straight once when I was 18, in a gay bar wearing a shirt of hot pink and white stripes, baby blue pants, rainbow suspenders, and several pride pins.)

As for a bi guy looking for bi guys.. I can understand that if he's looking for someone into 3-ways with females, or just someone he can really identify with. I know I don't identify very strongly with straight men, and I don't identify at all with women. I prefer the company of gay men.. so I can see the attraction for a bi guy looking for other bi guys, and not gay guys. (not to mention the animus that seems to exist between gays & bi's.. which the OP might be looking to avoid.)

How could anyone mistake you for being straight dressed like that, or even straight acting for that matter lol

Heebie

I wish I knew the answer to that question.

I'm glad I outgrew the phase where I dressed like that going out, though! I never felt like myself dressed like that.

stephen_n wrote: »

How could anyone mistake you for being straight dressed like that, or even straight acting for that matter lol

stephen_n

Heebie wrote: »

I wish I knew the answer to that question.

I'm glad I outgrew the phase where I dressed like that going out, though! I never felt like myself dressed like that.

I would imagine it was just a case of finding yourself and how to express yourself when out. I certainly created a pressure on myself to act a certain way when I fist came to terms with my sexuality that wasn't me, but was something I had to do at the time.