Just Us

simplistic2

This is our new show we have created. It's called Just Us here is the first episode! It's about the beautiful Gardai.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S15T_uZCAA

AnonoBoy

Is that what passes for satire these days?

God have mercy on our souls.


If you're going to make something that's supposed to be biting and satirical of the Gardai then you should make it a small bit realistic.

someoneok

Well your name is negative and some of your posts are too anono boy.
Your post made me feel cold and frosty. I am wondering what you find funny and what would be to your liking and then maybe if you could tell me is it a popular taste or a fringe taste that you have. This feedback could be a little more constructive. You really didn't offer anything tangible for the creators of this small film. The feedback elsewhere seems positive so I was just wondering about your comedic taste and where that is at? Thanks

AnonoBoy

Well to be honest I like quite a variety of stuff. Some dark - Snuffbox, some light - IT Crowd.

However something that represents itself as very anti-establishment with a quote like this at the start:

Just Us wrote:

We would like to thank all members of the justice system AKA the parasite class for their efforts in extorting the wealth from the public in the name of justice under the lie of safety.

has really nailed its colours to the mast from the outset. That's all well and good but after reading that I was expecting something very cutting, sharp and incisive. The show itself however was about two bumbling Gardai with no sign of the biting anti-establishment ethos I was expecting at all.

It fell between two stools - neither a satire nor an out and out farce and was the worse off for it. If something is satirical (and I'm thinking The Thick of It style here) then the topic needs to be known thoroughly by the writers. A satire of the Gardai needs to seem real, at least in some aspects, or else it just loses all impact.

The direction and editing didn't help the jokes and the script needs acres of work to polish what gags there were.


Also - my name is hardly negative, it 'tis but a name. If the makers of the video are so anti-establishment I'm sure they can take a bit of criticism. Believe me, there's a lot harsher critics out there than me.

BlitzKrieg

wow


that was awful


Pretty much all of Anonoboy says is true. Saying its satire and then outright attacking your subject in the first seconds of the piece isolates your audience to those who agree with you, shows your hand to those who dont and pretty much bores them for the rest of the film. I turned it off the first time from this scroll alone.

Consider how the great mockumentaries like This is Spinal Tap or A Mighty Wind which both open with a positive attitude to the subject and let the characters dig their own graves.

Really you need to come out at something like the Gardai initially with the same tone as starship troopers and let the issues seep out through the narrative slowly.


Aside from that its technically a hatchet job, it wasnt exported properly so you have serious interlace problems with movement, its editing is atrocious, both in poor cutting desicions but also simply that as Bruce Willis puts it...ITS FULL OF CHUFFA! there is so much uninteresting lag throughout, comedy is sharp even the awkward moments of silence is comic timing because if the whole film is full of lag a comedy timed lag goes unnoticed.

The camera work varies from awful (TOO MUCH HEAD SPACE!) to simply dull with very flat framing. though there are times one or two decent shots but these are ruined by the non existent lighting.

Also I recommend looking at Man Bites Dog for when you took the piece to a slightly darker turn.

simplistic2

Thanks for the feedback guys ! I actually agree with most of what yous are saying. The script is rough , the lighting and camera work is terrible I cannot really deny this.

But your comparing it to brilliant mockumentaries and this was the first time we ever held a camera or wrote a script or stood in front of a camera.

The show for me was made out of anger as I suffered a lot abuse at the hands of a garda so it is just intended to be an attack on them. I want to get across there stupidity but I also want to introduce philosophical ideas like the social contract and point out inherent contradictions in the law and do this without making it too ridiculous. I obviously have no comedic or writing skill yet but If I keep trying something will eventually click.

So yeah Id love to make the next episode alot sharper and incisive. I plan to roll it on from the last scene but where oh where do I start? Keep the feedback coming thanks??!

sadista

I thought it was great when ya can actually see past the dodgy filming/editing, everyone that ive shown it to so far has liked it. Fair play to ya for wanting to get your message out too, and in a way where you make everyone (except for fussy ba***rds) smile. Keep it up lookin forward to the next one

AnonoBoy

sadista wrote: »

and in a way where you make everyone (except for fussy ba***rds) smile.

What you would call fussy bast*ards I would call people who have a notion of what they're doing.

johnny_ultimate

simplistic2 wrote: »

The show for me was made out of anger as I suffered a lot abuse at the hands of a garda so it is just intended to be an attack on them. I want to get across there stupidity but I also want to introduce philosophical ideas like the social contract and point out inherent contradictions in the law and do this without making it too ridiculous. I obviously have no comedic or writing skill yet but If I keep trying something will eventually click.

My problem with this production is that the 'comedy' is far too broad and shoddily delivered. As others have said, it lacks the biting satire you're aiming for. Personally, I was uninterested from the very start with your clear declaration of purpose - I don't like films laying out their agenda so aggressively and obviously, and without any hint of subtlety. There's nothing wrong with 'agenda' film-making - see the recent Cove documentary for how to do it right - but you should definitely allow the viewer to make up their own, rather than telling them straight up what they should be taking from the production. The best satire is something we can laugh at, but also don't rely on such obvious signposting! At the end, feel free to provide links as you do, but only after you've made your points through the film itself.

Yeah, I guess this type of broad comedy isn't for me, and if you have something to say keep trying to say it, sorry to hear about your bad experiences. But just allow the script itself to dictate and emphasise the commentary, trust the audience. Tighten up the direction (all the stuff mentioned below - the jump in quality between, say, the apartment scenes and car park sequence is very, very obvious) and comedic timing too!

Galvasean

There were a few funny lines alright, but a lot of the comedy felt very forced, especially the whole kidknapping the woman section. It all just seemed too unnatural. Felt more like a propaganda piece than a film or satirical piece - a call to arms for those who dislike the police based on some of the youtube comments, not to mention the tagged on anti-establishment links at the end.

On a technical level the sound jumps from loud to very quiet between scenes. I had to turn my laptop's volume to full power to make out what the lad was saying while on the couch.