Am I the only one...

jenggg

..who finds it hard to meet a guy I click with? I so rarely meet anyone that I get on with and fancy! Now and again I meet men who I get along and chat with who end up liking me but I just don't fancy them! I'm jealous of people who go out on dates frequently as I wonder how they meet so many people who they are attracted to. I tried a blind date recently and I just did not click with him at all even though he did everything right and was a nice guy. I went out on a second date to be sure I was making the right decision in culling things which I did. I knew within the first 5 minutes of meeting him that I wasn't interested.

Then I met a guy who I was mad about and him me (or so he said) but he wasn't over his ex so I was back to square one and a little bit heartbroken as as I say, I rarely meet anyone I really like.

I suppose what I'm asking is do I carry on and hope someone comes along that there is an immediate connection with or do I force myself to go out with people I'm not attracted to? It's just I feel like I know myself pretty well and feel I can't take the chance on someone I don't feel an instant thing for.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I spent 5 years in a relationship with someone I wasn't completely head over heels about. I loved him dearly I just wasn't in love with him. When I ended that relationship after much heartache, he took it really badly and I promised myself that I would never do that to anyone or myself again.

I then spent the guts of the next 6 years going on dates with different guys and getting involved in short, shallow relationships and in all that time I never really clicked with anyone. I wanted head over heels in love and even after 6 years of falling well short, I was never going to settle for anything less.

Well here I am now, two years into the most wonderful relationship of my life with a guy I absolutely adore and who adores me right back. It might have taken a while to find him but he was every bit worth the wait. Don't sell yourself short OP and don't mess around with anyone elses heart. Have faith that the relationship you want will happen and I guarantee you that it will.

All the very best

LegacyUser

For the love of god, don't force yourself to go out with people you are not attracted to. That's a recipe for disaster for both you and the guy you go out with.

I know exactly what you mean though, I am exactly the same. I HARDLY EVER meet men I am attracted to and get along with enough to seriously date them, who also like me. I don't know how other people do it either, I have a friend who is always going on dates I just can't fathom how she meets people who she has some kind of connection with.

I don't think I am being overly picky or anything like that, Some of the men I have gone out with in the past have been far from oil paintings if I am honest but there has always been a spark between us which I just don't often get. I think it makes it harder if you're like us too because when you meet someone you do like and it doesn't work out, yo know it might be a good while before someone comes along.

I think what both of us need to do is try and get out and meet as many people as we can, try and be as open sociable as possible with people and keep an open mind to who we might possible connect with.

It's tough though.

LegacyUser

Hi OP, in many ways I feel your pain.

I am notoriously picky in the women that I am interested in for want of a better description. It used to get me down but I kind of just understand that it's who I am.

I have don't have too many problems finding a girl with that I may have some chemistry with but in general most girls just don't suit me. They might be sweet or attractive or intelligent etc but on their own is not enough for me.

I used to have no hope in finding a partner and not really dated much previously but in the last year or so I have met up with a few different girls. All lovely women in their own right but there was just not enough there for me. Simply put they are just not for me. I feel as well that for every girl or date that is unsuccessful for me that I am one step closer to finding "the girl", it also reinforces the idea in my head of what I want from a woman or in a relationship and I don't deserve 2nd best. Don't lose hope, there are plenty of us out there just like you. All the best in your future endeavors.

From a 24 yo single guy.

yer man!

Have you ever considered becoming friends with the person and then seeing if you can have something more. By becoming friends first you have no agenda really and if you not interested in them that way you still have someone new to hang out with. If you like them and they like you then you've already set the foundation for a really good relationship.

jenggg

Thanks for the replies people! Lolly133 you sound like me! I'm sociable and get out a lot but feel I'm a bit old-30 for the clubbing scene. I don't mean too old as I still enjoy it but I'm weary of it lately. I'm kinda done with random scoring in clubs and I've never met anyone long term out of these scores. What yerman says it would be great to be friends with someone first but I don't think I have ever grown to like someone-I either fancy them straight off or not. Ah well, some day, thanks for the replies and good luck to all!!

AnnyHallsal

jenggg wrote: »

I'm sociable and get out a lot but feel I'm a bit old-30 for the clubbing scene. I don't mean too old as I still enjoy it but I'm weary of it lately. I'm kinda done with random scoring in clubs and I've never met anyone long term out of these scores.

This was exactly the situation I was in til my ex and I got back together. Word of advice - comedy gigs? I was at one last night and there were at least four men I would have been attracted to when single, which was more than I'd seen in years! I know a lot of people have reservations, but I'd also give internet dating a whirl. It's becoming increasingly common and you get to know someone to a certain extent before meeting them.

LegacyUser

I think this thread makes a lot of sense, but I've never had the guts to just 'go out and have fun'. There have been lots of girls I've fancied but only a few I've really liked beyond looks and superficial personality. It's about clicking on some molecular level. But I don't think that's everything either. People are at different stages in life and that needs to be in place, too.

I've spent ages in a relationship with a girl who I love and respect, but something's not right and it didn't go away. I feel there's someone else out there for me, but first I need to be OK on my own, which I've found difficult but I'm getting better at. I've spent a lot of my life avoiding situations in which I might get hurt because I was hurting for other reasons (mourning), but now I see that as a part of life. I just couldn't bear to make a fool of myself. Embarrassed by everything.

So, no one should sell themselves short. Make mistakes and trust yourself to learn from them.