Can it work?? more so could it happen??

LegacyUser

Hi all,

long story short with a girl for the best part of 7 months.
We are both going our seperate ways soon and recently talked, she doesnt want a relationship she said but said she still wants to see me now and then. the reason she gave for not having a relationship was so she had nothing to hold her back which is fair enough!

im loosing it though, i love her, and i really mean that, fell for her big time! we are in our 20s so have been through relationships before. the thing is we will only be 7 hrs apart max so if we wanted we could see each other once in a while. now i dont want to hound her or hold her back, her happiness is key, but at the same time i dont want to lose her. for once i found exactly what im looking for in all aspects from physical to emotional to mentaly. cliche and all i think that she is the "one"

now what i want to know is it possible to keep the emotion and connection alive if we do only see each other every few weeks. she is very touchy and that about me and always grabs my hand or gives me a peck on the cheek, more so now than ever. its killing me to let her go but i know there is nothing i can do to change her leaving or her mind. if there was i would do it, id trade my soul for this girl!

im such a mess over it, i cant sleep, eating is becoming a chore. i just want her! what can one do! is there any hope??

p.s. we will be back in the same area come june next year!

LegacyUser

also any tips on how to keep it alive between us even if we do only see each other every few weeks! (prob be every 6 to 8 weeks ) im so scared, i have been through a lot in my life even though im young i have been on the verge of death twice, so life although it does go back to normality i have seen what is really important, and this girl is the missing piece in my life! she is the girl i want to be able to turn to and watch sleeping peacefully next to me in a year, two years or whenever! she is someone that just makes me tick,

LighterGuy

First off. I wish to say sorry. Sorry that you are in this awkward situation and sorry for the harsh realistic advice I will give.



I've seen this happen before. Your exact same situation. Basically your girlfriend is stepping out of the relationship.

Fact is, she doesnt want to continue the relationship as its over in her eyes. Her new life is awaiting. Albeit if she comes back next June. But by continuing with you it will just make things "complicated" for her.

The sad harsh reality of relationships is that some of them are based on "what you can do for me" .... in fact, majority are. You are her boyfriend while she was living in the same county as you. Now shes moving elsewhere, to put it frankly you arent needed any more. (this is evident by the fact she just wants to break up and that'll be it.. the whole remain friends is a BS thing people tell each other. To let one go softly)



Mate, you love her. Thats obvious. But in fact I'd put money that its not the same on her side. They say nothing gets in the way of love. If its felt on both sides... distance can be over come. or at least people try, even if its foolish, they still try


You are being put in the friendzone. A nice way of letting you down gently. Sadly you'll hear in a few months about who shes with if you still remain in contact. Your post was filled with doing what was right for her, makes you a nice guy ... however... whats right for you? think about yourself first. then her. Thats whats she is doing. She wont be seeing you in her new area, she'll want to meet others. From the sounds of it she is going to college (you did say returns next june) .. mate, shes thinking out for herself, not you. One could agree thats life, and fair enough. One could also say you dont have to swallow a piece of crap if you dont want to the meaning: look after yourself before anyone else



mate, end the relationship and cease contact. I know you wont be probably able to do that. Bu looking back you feel thats what you should of done. You'll just get hurt when you hear what she will get up to.

oldwan

i totally agree with the above post.

im sure she likes you/cares about you. she doesnt however feel the same as you. she doesnt. and there really is nothing you can do about it.

stay friends with her if you feel that your feelings can change, if you think you can just be friends. you seem like a really nice guy and im sure you're genuine about your feelings for her so tbh i wouldnt imagine they will disappear tomorrow.

as the above post said, you will hear about her being with someone else, to be fair, she has been totally honest, she wants to be friends. just friends.

if you cant, then cease contact now, in a few months it will seem better, i promise!!

LighterGuy

oldwan wrote: »

........ she has been totally honest, she wants to be friends. just friends.........

To be honest, I dont see her as being totally "honest" - sure she is about the whole moving away thing and just ending it. But thats only for her own agenda. To get things clear so theres no complications.

But i think its a testement to how much she must of been into the OP.
Shes moving away, and just turns around to say lets just end it. It shows how far the relationship would of lasted if she wasnt moving. I mean shes returning come June. What she is really saying "i want to be single over there so I can hook up with other people without complications from you" ... hey one could say fair enough. But at the same time one could say shows what you two have means to her.

Op,
my 2 cents (for whats its worth is) you're in a relationship that wasnt going to last any long amount of time. You got to start looking at who she really is... more importantly what you really mean to her.


I'd just cut all contact. Harsh I know. But the best way. Think about yourself op.

LegacyUser

hi guys thank you so much for the input!

The thing is she still wants me to visit her as a "partner", she said the reason she doesn want to start anything serious is because she wants her free time to travel. seeing other guys was something she said that is the last thing and that the emotional connection that we had wouldn be lost and i will be part of her life!

like she is the one that made all the moves, she has not pushed me away in any shape or form and does seem to want to stay in contact in more than just friends way but not full blown bf/gf, more casual! the main thing being she said is that even with a distance of 7 hrs the relationship would be strained with tensions through study and me working and sync'ing up!

i think it could be her fear of a good thing ending badly over something as trivial as distance!

and i would like to itterate that it was never said by her or i that it "ends" between us. she just said that a realtionship would be too complicated while she is setting up over with everything going on! and id like to point out although we were together and not seeing anyone else we were not bf/gf to begin with i.e. we avoided the titles because we knew we were going to be some distance apart, but the thing that has changed is that we are going to be closer than expected so i think that may have caught her off guard too!