Racist Siblings "FOREIGNER" but your wife aint

hangover_ie_ie

Ok quite embarressed writing this and feeling let down by my family i wont bore you with details but basically i am engaged to be married to an asian girl literally an angel. not a gold digger as i am in debt to my eyes i have noting but my love to offer. blah blah
my problem my nearest sisters i have 3 constantly talk about FOREIGNERS
FOREIGNERS robbing jobs
I wont go on you know the reacist jibes 3 of them now constantly talk of FOREIGNERS to me wrecking country and being burden . 1 month ago i flipped and said " you know im engaged to a FOREIGNER!" reply was ah well shes not a foreigner like that bummin off state. every day i hear this word as she is A sales girl oh i met a foreigner today idiot coudnt speak english.
Today a person of the same nationality of my fiancee came into contact with her and she mocked him to a height every racial slur under the sun. I confrounted her before she said she did not include my soon to be wife in this category but yet at EVERY given oppurtunity insults immigrants
am i dealing with a jealous sisters that cant stand i am finally, happy or am i taking them up wrong seriously and being touchy as one of them said. Am i being pathetic takin this to heart?

Sound Bite

Your sister probably doesn't even notice that this is a issue for you. I know you've told her but she doesn't seem to see how this could cause offence and doesn't appear to have a problem with you further wife.

Could you not mention to her that you find it both offensive and disrespectful and tell her that you cannot listen to any more of it and that she needs to do something about it before it causes your relationship with her to deteriorate?

Don't believe that your sister's jealous, also don't believe you're being petty or pathetic either. You need to get it across to her about it now, because if you don't it will be come a bigger issue for you over time & could result it you falling out with her over her remarks

niceoneted

Totally agree with the post above.
I can see where your sister might be coming from. I have no problem with anyone from anywhere living here once they are legally here, above board and contribute to society - that to include abiding by our laws, cultures etc.
There are however people who fall outside of this as they do in other countries - we too have some of our own in the US OZ etc who are there illegally.
I think this might be where the negative comments are directed. How do your sisters get along with your future wife and how do they treat her - this is important here.
I wish you all the best.

R.D. aka MR.D

I honestly think that 'foreigners' has become this scape-goat in peoples minds.

They logically know that not every foreign person is bad but they like to give out about foreigners- stealing jobs, engaging in anti-social behaviour or 'not speaking English.'

It's like they don't automatically assume that every foreign person is bad but they reveal in giving out about 'foreigners'

It's a very odd phenomenon that I have noticed since coming back to Ireland.

i wish I knew how to fix it........

Talk to them and try to educate them as to why behaving in this way is wrong. I genuinely believe most people act this way simply because they don't understand WHY it is wrong.

LegacyUser

hangover, you are certainly right to be upset by your sisters.

It is never acceptable to speak that way about anyone. A poster mentioned "law-abiding", etc. So what, it's ok to use pejoratives or racial slurs once a person is a criminal or on welfare just cos they're not Irish? madness!

As for your sisters, what, because your fiance is a real person, that excludes her from the "foreign masses"? You need to let them know in no uncertain terms that you will not put up with such talk, not around you and certainly not around your fiance. Imagine 10 years from now and your kids are listening to this type of talk. Bi- or multi-racial children have a right to identify with all of their heritage, not just the culture they live in and you don't need extended family planting ideas of inferiority or "otherness" with such talk. Cos believe me, kids pick up on it.

It's easy to engage in bigotry and the like when you de-humanise people and create an us and them situation and it seems that even faced with a "real" immigrant they still want to persist in wearing blinders. Is your fiance the only foreign person they know? Do they engage with her at all? You need to point out that as much as you respect your siblings, they are disrespecting your fiance and undermining her position and welcome into your family by talking like that.

Would they speak that way around her? If they can't then there's a problem.

Ickle Magoo

Other than pointing out to them when they are being ignorant, I'm not sure what else you can do. I hear a lot of those kind of comments too and I'm quick to point out I'm a foreigner, is it me they are talking about? This is usually met with "Oh no, not you, you speak english, it's foreign foreigners we mean" or some other ridiculous nonsense. :rolleyes:

What can you do? I find people with the kind of mentality it takes to blame foreign nationals for all irelands ills to avoid looking a little closer to home are rarely the type to understand what they are saying is wrong, even when spelt out to them. Perhaps just spend as little time in their company as possible?

Eve_Dublin

I hear ye Ickle Magoo. I get this as well in Spain....my students went off on a rant about the foreigners taking the jobs during a recession while me and a Mexican student looked on in disbelief. same rubbish: "Oh you don´t count!" Why don´t I count? Because I´m white, European and middle class?

You´re going to get this kind of small-minded nonsense everywhere you go. I know my brother-in-law´s family from Cyprus had a serious problem with their son marrying a Catholic Irish girl instead of Greek Orthodox and it still causes problems. My own family are well used to foreigners...we´re a pretty multi-cultural family by Irish standards....Mexican,Greek Cypriot, North American, Australian, Tanzanian, Native American in laws and my fella is Argentinian.... Anyway, they got married, had kids and settled down in Dublin and in time, the family got used to it. The kids definitely made a difference. It was down to lack of exposure to foreigners on their part. It was the first time someone from their family married an "outsider". This kind of small-minded attitude is usually out of fear or ignorance but they´ll get to used to it in time. Give them time to get used to it and show them you´re serious about this girl. Being the first person in your family to date a foreign person, it´s up to you to break down the barriers. Good luck!

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

Eve_Dublin

Be prepared for hassle on her side as well OP. Sorry you have to put up with this but we live in a world of people living in a self-absorbed bubble. Just be happy you´re not one of them.