The Limerick Survival Thread.

Raiser

Inspired by the Zombie Survival Forum, The Movie Zombieland and the Cinematography of Romero - naturally.

- Please post any survival tips and advice here, it may save Someone, letting them live for a few more precious hours and who knows? Someday maybe some of us might even get out of Limerick alive

Tip #1: Never try and outrun a Limerick Head

This is crucial to Limerick Survival.

Your adrenalin is up, your heart is racing and your animal instinct is to run blindly in any direction, you don't have Chips to give the Príck and you're not sure if you looked at his skanky, muffinated, Dolphin-Boobed, chocco-thong'd Girlfriend?

- You cannot outrun a Cheetah as you well know, but you need to readjust your thinking - You also must naturally conclude that you cannot outrun a Limerick Head who is dressed from Head to Toe in €500 of shoplifted Sports Wear.

You need a diversion, a distraction - a ruse; Thinking on your feet you could shout something loud over your Shoulder like: "Jacintas collectin benefits far Macca's Babby an She dippin into that Fellas tracksuit like She thinks its a fcukin' Lucky Bag"

Then you run.

May God be with you.

MmmmmCheese

In fairness its not all that bad.

RonMexico

We all know what estates to avoid but there are some other places and things that should be avoided too.

Limerick Bus Station - Junkie infested hole.

Upper William Street - a veritable parade of two legged parasites.

Anyone wearing neon.

Anyone with their tracksuit tucked into their white socks.

Penneys - has all of the above.

Limerick_Lass

I like Penneys!

krudler

Penneys is like ground zero for scobes, I reckon thats where the first reported scombie (scobe+zombie) outbreak will be documented, I'll walk in there looking for socks and then bam, get nailed by Rashers the freshly infected scobe, he was in buying a daycent shirt with a dragon on it for a funeral and then came over all mangled, so he lept at the first victim i.e me. luckily I distracted him with some tracksuit pants on sale and made my getaway..

Berty

Top Avoidance Tip

Don't smoke on Cruises Street or you WILL get "tapped" for a "fag" by some scuzbag who will have the biggest mutton fvcking head on him you could hardly say no.

"Giz a fag willaw?

MmmmmCheese

Penneys is cheap for us brokies!

The bus station is unavoidable (especially if you want ot get out of the city!)

Upper William Street has Future Sound and Vision (which is awesome).

MmmmmCheese

And after you refuse to buy some underage scumbag drink in the Off licence get away from him fairly lively!

Raiser

RonMexico wrote: »

We all know what estates to avoid but there are some other places and things that should be avoided too.

Limerick Bus Station - Junkie infested hole.

Limerick doesn't have a Bus Station????

- Do you mean the stretch of Tarmac to the right of the Hellhole Train Station?

RonMexico wrote: »

Upper William Street - a veritable parade of two legged parasites.

Ha? Oh.... Willum St. - Bad news, 365 days a year, all Century long.

RonMexico wrote: »

Anyone wearing neon.

Do they not have Retinas? Bring back Fitting Room Mirrors? (See Penneys below)

RonMexico wrote: »

Anyone with their tracksuit tucked into their white socks.

These are the Olympic Athletes who never make qualifying each and every four years?

RonMexico wrote: »

Penneys - has all of the above.

Definitely - their Fitting Rooms in the Crescent are "Out of Order" indefinitely, seemingly Mankind despite his wonderfully, medical, scientific and technological advances does yet fully understand the intricate mechanics of four sheets of Chipboard arranged into a standing rectangle formation.....

- Now without Mirrors at point of sale the Beyonces of Limerick have absolutely no idea that their Fluorescent Lycra Wear has more Cheddar Pocks than a Wallace and Gromit Box Set.

Limerick_Lass

Not going to participate in a thread which degrades my home place, Im proud to be from Limerick and personally think there is way too much negativity on boards already about Limerick than to be adding to it, especially on its own forum! :mad:

Berty

Limerick_Lass wrote: »

Not going to participate in a thread which degrades my home place, Im proud to be from Limerick and personally think there is way too much negativity on boards already about Limerick than to be adding to it, especially on its own forum! :mad:

To be fair this is mostly tongue in cheek if nothing else.

Come on, its Friday night. You obviously have nothing better to do. Join in.

Insect Overlord

I hate to call you out again Raiser, but I successfully managed to out-run two scumbags on Catherine Street there 6 weeks ago
Dunno what they were doing there though. The Gardaí ended up finding the f*ckers on High Street twenty minutes later.

Raiser

Limerick_Lass wrote: »

Not going to participate in a thread which degrades my home place, Im proud to be from Limerick and personally think there is way too much negativity on boards already about Limerick than to be adding to it, especially on its own forum! :mad:

Ah relax - Its only a bit of fun, why not make a joke out of the negatives?

- Its like having a Pirate Mate with a Wooden Leg who cheerfully says call me Splinters.......

God knows we need a laugh now and then?

(If you're miffed about the Penny's thing I got some fine 100% cotton very smart Shirts in there recently for nattin and will def. be dropping back......!!!)

Limerick_Lass

Berty wrote: »

To be fair this is mostly tongue in cheek if nothing else.

Come on, its Friday night. You obviously have nothing better to do. Join in.

Unfortunately I have to stay in tonight
But nah its ok, Ill let ye at it....

sineadgalway

RonMexico wrote: »

Anyone with their tracksuit tucked into their white socks.

Especially if those socks are tucked into proper shoes and not trainers!

Raiser

Limerick_Lass wrote: »

Unfortunately I have to stay in tonight
But nah its ok, Ill let ye at it....

Skinning up in your Bushes are they?

- Leave A Can of Dutch Gold laced with Domestos Pine Fresh on your Sitting Room Coffee Table, as soon as they figure out how to break in then the power of the Bleach's under the Rim, multi-action, anti-limescale patented formula will do the rest......

Limerick_Lass

Raiser wrote: »

Ah relax - Its only a bit of fun, why not make a joke out of the negatives?

- Its like having a Pirate Mate with a Wooden Leg who cheerfully says call me Splinters.......

God knows we need a laugh now and then?

(If you're miffed about the Penny's thing I got some fine 100% cotton very smart Shirts in there recently for nattin and will def. be dropping back......!!!)

Ya Ive had alot of negativity this week so maybe just taking it out on ye here... sorry ill let ye at it :rolleyes:
But I am sick of all the Limericks the worst place to be ect ect.

Raiser

Limerick_Lass wrote: »

But I am sick of all the Limericks the worst place to be ect ect.

- Gaza is seriously hot, humid and rocket-attacked this time of year.....?

bigpink

Insect Overlord wrote: »

I hate to call you out again Raiser, but I successfully managed to out-run two scumbags on Catherine Street there 6 weeks ago
Dunno what they were doing there though. The Gardaí ended up finding the f*ckers on High Street twenty minutes later.

Did you get attacked?All ok i hope?

Insect Overlord

bigpink wrote: »

Did you get attacked?All ok i hope?

Ah yeah, it was barely even an incident I just had to distract two of them until my friends could get away, then I turned and ran around the block to meet up with my friends again. Nothing taken and no harm done!

BESman

Limerick_Lass wrote: »

Ya Ive had alot of negativity this week so maybe just taking it out on ye here... sorry ill let ye at it :rolleyes:
But I am sick of all the Limericks the worst place to be ect ect.

I'm here to work. If there is a similar job going in Baghdad I'll take it. I'd even take a paycut.

Limerick_Lass

Well its the same all over ireland, not just limerick. If you reckon you could get a job in baghdad, check it out. Theres other countries whose job situations are bit better.

BESman

Limerick_Lass wrote: »

Well its the same all over ireland, not just limerick. If you reckon you could get a job in baghdad, check it out. Theres other countries whose job situations are bit better.

I have a job in Limerick. That point went over your head.

Limerick_Lass

BESman wrote: »

I have a job in Limerick. That point went over your head.

oh ya i get you know, long day at the office. Well check out baghdad so...

bullets

No.1 all time survival tip: Wear Rose-tinted glasses.

Make up excuses like:
Sure every city has that!
Its not Just Limerick its all big towns.
That could happen anywhere even new york.
Ladda Ladda Ladda



~B

Raiser

BESman wrote: »

I'm here to work. If there is a similar job going in Baghdad I'll take it. I'd even take a paycut.

Limerick_Lass wrote: »

Well its the same all over ireland, not just limerick. If you reckon you could get a job in baghdad, check it out. Theres other countries whose job situations are bit better.

BESman wrote: »

I have a job in Limerick. That point went over your head.

Limerick_Lass wrote: »

oh ya i get you know, long day at the office. Well check out baghdad so...

Tea almost came out my nose from laughing at that

donutheadhomer

Berty wrote: »

Top Avoidance Tip

Don't smoke on Cruises Street or you WILL get "tapped" for a "fag" by some scuzbag who will have the biggest mutton fvcking head on him you could hardly say no.

"Giz a fag willaw?

a better tip would be to not smoke at all