First Date Unsure

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Info: Need your advice/opinions. I'm Male mid 20's. Was on a first date last night with a girl. I don't want to give away too much detail in case she reads this forum.

How I met her: At work where she started to flirt with me alot. So I left her a little note saying how beautiful she looks and do you wanna meet up etc. Eventually got her number a week ago and we exchanged a few texts, some she replyed to (very short), some she didn't. But eventually we agreed to meet up for dinner.

Date: Went just ok, 3 hours talking, a few awkward silences here and there as you would expect on the first date. She looked great. All done up. Anyway walked for a bit after leaving the restaurant and she said she had to go home and that she will see me around. No hug, no kiss. Just a goodbye. Very abrupt ending.

After Date: An hour and a half after date I sent her a sms message just to say thanks, goodnight, see you around. I still havent got a reply. I think I'm going to go by the 2-3 rule before a call her to see would she be interested in a second date. Don't want to come across as too eager or put too much pressure on her. Just not quite sure is she interested in me or not. Maybe I got to be patient.

Is this common? Anyone got any similar experiences but were successful? Actually this is the first time i've done the chasing. previously girls I dated came to me.

S23

She got up and left abruptly and hasn't been in contact since. Doesn't sound great I'm afraid boss.

You can either just ring her and you should know by her demenour what the story is or you can sit back and wait and see if she gets in touch.

If you want to know then its best to seize the day.

Also, there are no rules of dating so forget about the 2-3 day rule nonsense.

Little Miss Lady

Sorry Op,

I wouldn't say she's interested. Either that or she's just plain rude and
do you really want to pursue someone like that?

When i go out on dates, if i have had a good time I make sure I let the man know and thank him for a great evening.
Even if I didn't have such a great time and the guy text, out of politeness I would still reply eventhough it may not be the positive response they want to hear. Just to ignore a text like that is plain rude.

Go after a girl that will appreciate the effort you make and meet you halfway

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your input. I guess next time I meet her at work I'll try and get a bit of closure on the whole thing face to face.
Funny that she was flirting with me alot in person and was looking forward to coming on a date with me.
I noticed something was not right a day before the date. Her replys to my nice harmless SMS messages were short & crap. Some she didn't even reply to at all. Weird how she became uninterested just like that.

Will let you know next week what the storey was.

Have a nice weekend people.

katie99

Some people 'hide' behind their texting. They are more comfortable when they text someone then when they actually meet them.
By the sounds of things she isn't really a nice person in reality. Flirting is one thing but making an effort for a guy is completely different.
She is not worth all the hassle and effort she has caused you. Don't get hung on her and wonder why she isn't more open and friendly with you.
I wouldn't confront her either.
Wait and see if she contacts you.

LegacyUser

Update:
she said "Hi" to me Monday walking by like nothing ever happened. Didn't get a chance to confront her. Called her last night but no answer and left a voicemail. Nothing back..

I guess its best to give up and move on or I will be making a fool of myself. But it would feel much better if she to tell me that shes not interested and why rather than giving me this silent treatment which is worse.

My self esteem is quite low at this point and I'm becoming very depressed. I'm constanty asking myself what did I do wrong or did I say the wrong things to her.

SarahSassy

firstdate_notsure wrote: »

Didn't get a chance to confront her.

Confront??? I would not be going down that route.....

firstdate_notsure wrote: »

Called her last night but no answer and left a voicemail. Nothing back..

Ok - tbh she doesnt want to talk to you

firstdate_notsure wrote: »

But it would feel much better if she to tell me that shes not interested and why rather than giving me this silent treatment which is worse.

You are chasing the elusive 'closure' and you may not get it.. Her silence by not responding to your attempts at contact is evidence enough...

firstdate_notsure wrote: »

My self esteem is quite low at this point and I'm becoming very depressed. I'm constanty asking myself what did I do wrong or did I say the wrong things to her.

You probably did nothing wrong but it just wasnt doing it for her. I would suggest you put your chin in the air, a smile on your face and act professional to her. You should not put so much emphasis on one date and one relationship and it doesnt affect your personal worth.

Miss Fluff

+1, I honestly don't know what type of "closure" you are looking for. You went on a date, it wasn't happening for her, end of. I think she has the manners of an East-end Dickensian fishwife by at least not having the manners to thank you for dinner but that's a whole other thread. Chalk a line and don't even think of making any contact again.

petethebrick

firstdate_notsure wrote: »

Update:
she said "Hi" to me Monday walking by like nothing ever happened. Didn't get a chance to confront her. Called her last night but no answer and left a voicemail. Nothing back..

I guess its best to give up and move on or I will be making a fool of myself. But it would feel much better if she to tell me that shes not interested and why rather than giving me this silent treatment which is worse.

My self esteem is quite low at this point and I'm becoming very depressed. I'm constanty asking myself what did I do wrong or did I say the wrong things to her.

Why do you have to confront her - she just obviously isn't interested. Nothing to get depressed about, just the way it goes sometimes.

Maybe the date you took her on was boring? what did you do for it? I find a few drinks is always best for first date as both can loosen up a bit. And how come you didn't try kiss her during a three hour date?
I think it's best to go for a kiss at an early stage of a date. If she's interested then that's what she'll want sure

munstergirl

Hi op

Delete her number + move on, there are plenty more women in ireland looking for a date

She sounds quite rude, but i think you had a lucky escape.

You did nothing wrong, she just was not that into you for what ever reason, now go find someone who is.

Delete her number + when in work just say hi back, end of, also a woman does not like a man who does too much chasing.

Just be yourself and look forward to your next date with whoever it might be.

hightower1

Yeah mate, move on. She clearly isnt intrested and I think you suspect this too.
Sounds like a bit of a headwrecker anyway... hot one day... cool the next.
She's obviously got other things going on.

Pretend like nothing happend when ya see her, act like YOU were the one to go cold and leave it there.

One down.... shed loads to go! Enjoy being out and being seen out on dates with hot women.... cant be a bad life after all huh!

blairbear

I'd say the writing was on the wall from fairly early on here. I'm curious about this note you left her, saying she was beautiful and did she want to meet up. Did she respond to that? You say you managed to get her number. Was that through her or somebody else? To be honest, if you like someone you're not going to only reply to a few of their texts. You'll respond to them all, maybe not immediately but you will get back to them.. And this was all before the date even happened.

I actually don't think she sounds like a headwrecker at all. I think you came on way too strong. Even your reaction to the date not going well is over the top in my opinion. I'm sure you're a nice guy but you seriously need to take these things more in your stride. There's nothing to "confront her" over. What would you say OP? "Why didn't you text me back? Did you not have a good time?" Basically you'd be paraphrasing "Why don't you like me?"! I'd stop calling her, smile and say hi when you next see her, and keep walking.

Even though it'd be easy for "closure", VERY few people are going to come out and tell you that they're just not that into you. I'd rather die than tell a guy I just wasn't interested in him. Ignoring that initial text after the date wasn't polite or very nice on her part, but she has no obligation to return your calls now really.

Warrior Monk

I recommend you forget about her. Maybe she has hot friends?

Cullen82

Don't mean to sound cruel but I'm puzzled why you're still wondering about this girl ! By the sounds of it she's made her feelings fairly clear albeit in a bit of a rude way.

As Blairbear said, It's easier for her to get the message across by being cold rather than actually saying it to you. I'd definitely forget about this one.

And to be honest I don't think you're really "entitled" to an explanation or closure as you put it - It was just a date.