What do you do? (not nice !!)

Ricardo G

Heres the scenario.
Your out drinking in one of the busiest pubs in town. You really need to use the toilet (men or women) but the toilets are covered in every kind of.... well sh1t/p1ss/vomit to be blunt, what do you do?? do you attempt to clean it and do your business? Do you get the hell out of there and run to try find somewhere cleaner? I know its horrible but it happens !!

Mr Benevolent

Ricardo G wrote: »

Heres the scenario.
Your out drinking in one of the busiest pubs in town. You really need to use the toilet (men or women) but the toilets are covered in every kind of.... well sh1t/p1ss/vomit to be blunt, what do you do?? do you attempt to clean it and do your business? Do you get the hell out of there and run to find somewhere cleaner? I know its horrible but it happens !!

Why would you clean a pub toilet for free? It's not McDonalds.

we'llallhavetea_old

well you've given me the option of running to somewhere cleaner. so yeah, that one.

DB10

Go outside some where quiet and piss on the street.

Or the pub next door.

Or the ladies.

kev9100

BluesBerry

Id look for another toilet, wouldnt attempt to use it, and would not go near that establishment again if they leave their toilets in such a state regardless of how busy it is they should have a staff member check on it ever so often

I hate using public toilets and try to avoid them as much as I can

Gummy Panda

Ask myself what would flutt do

Hank_Jones

Use the sink.

Ricardo G

BluesBerry wrote: »

Id look for another toilet, wouldnt attempt to use it, and would not go near that establishment again if they leave their toilets in such a state regardless of how busy it is they should have a staff member check on it ever so often

I hate using public toilets and try to avoid them as much as I can

I know but the majority of pub toilets are filthy on a Saturday night plus the fact your after so much beer does'nt help the situation

minidazzler

DB10 wrote: »

Go outside some where quiet and piss on the street.

Or the pub next door.

Or the ladies.

The thing about pubs is that the Ladies is rarely used by ladies, if you have seen them you would understand what I mean! Can be quite disgusting in them!

I'd just do my business if it's not a ****e, and if it is a ****e and the walls are clean, I will hover. If it's so bad that I can't hover, I just wouldn't be in that bar in the first place.

Ricardo G

minidazzler wrote: »

The thing about pubs is that the Ladies is rarely used by ladies, if you have seen them you would understand what I mean! Can be quite disgusting in them!

I'd just do my business if it's not a ****e, and if it is a ****e and the walls are clean, I will hover. If it's so bad that I can't hover, I just wouldn't be in that bar in the first place.

When hovering goes wrong !!

starbelgrade

Gummy Panda wrote: »

Ask myself what would flutt do

Probably write a well written, eloquent, but ultimatley tedious post about it.

BluesBerry

Ricardo G wrote: »

I know but the majority of pub toilets are filthy on a Saturday night plus the fact your after so much beer does'nt help the situation

Ok ok honest answer
If its late on a saturday night and Ive had a few I would squat:p

No way am I cleaning up sh1t on a night out :mad:

Brendog

Pee in a cup....


solves your problem and some inebriated patron will think hes got a free, salty pint

3hn2givr7mx1sc

What's the problem with pissing for lads?
Just use the urinal.
Shítein' on the other hand, is rotten.

dan719

Over Christmas, our local was jammed. The toilets are at the back of the pub, we were sitting at the very front. We would leave and go to the pub next door which was empty and use the bathroom, before returning to our coveted seats in the tavern.

Peppapig

I'd get a bit of toilet paper, wipe the seat, and I'd sit me arse down and do my business

filthymcnasty

Confab wrote: »

Why would you clean a pub toilet for free? It's not McDonalds.

well u could go for a Mc****, ie facilities minus the ordering.

uncle-mofo

Always, ALWAYS, take a dump before going on a night out.

Pdfile

Ricardo G wrote: »

Heres the scenario.
Your out drinking in one of the busiest pubs in town. You really need to use the toilet (men or women) but the toilets are covered in every kind of.... well sh1t/p1ss/vomit to be blunt, what do you do?? do you attempt to clean it and do your business? Do you get the hell out of there and run to try find somewhere cleaner? I know its horrible but it happens !!

if its a p1ss i get a water or two for free, neck them, wait 5-10 minutes ( while already needing to go to the toilet alot ) then i have a pish that could hit a wall 20 meters away ( or futher depending on angel/velocity/wind etc )

no need to clean, just pish and leave the mess to the next as you didnt do it


if it was the start of the night and was like that id tell the managment if possible...

Wazdakka

Easy..

Just pee in a pint glass,
Bonus points for leaving it suspiciously unguarded on a table,
Then when one of those people, who go around at closing time finishing all of the half empty beers lying around show up,
You let nature take it's course.

Either hover or just shlt ina pint glass.. Just because i've never done it and you should always do everything at least once.

FlutterinBantam

Situations like this are more common than one would think especially on w/e nights.

First thing is not to panic, as if there is an unstable round 'in the chamber' it could fire prematurely,thus effectively spoiling your night.

Secondly,survey your options, based on the immediacy of the situation.

If the ignition sequence has already begun, no option but to hose one out from the hover, or 'shotgun', to use a gridiron term.

Top tip here is to protect the strides ,as one doesn't want a crop of

'forget- me- nots' adhering when you return to the lounge.Quite embarrassing.

If the 'firing sequence' is still some way off, think of a 'top decking' or an alternative ,but ensure you don't have to 'ditch' en route.

Good idea to check the facilities early to prevent unfortunate events such as described by the OP, and note the location of waste bins.

The nuclear option is to bring the plastic bag with you, but only if previous 'form' in the establishment.

Hope that helps.

mudokon

Ricardo G wrote: »

When hovering goes wrong !!

No way I was clicking that attachment, by the name of it I knew what I was going to see. :eek:

stovelid

Steal some bud bottles; fill them and replace them.

The benefit of this method is that the owners would be none the wiser.

Chiorino

Depends on my circumstances. If I'm in the "definately uncomfortable but can just hold her in" stage I'll do a quick clean up but if I'm touching cloth well then it's a hovering session.

spider_pig

Hank_Jones wrote: »

Use the sink.

that just made me laugh was actually in a certain pub across from busaras there not so long ago and only has one cubical and it was in bits to the same extent as OP described and some one had actually taken a dump in the urinal it was hillarious everyone standin in the jacks locked laughin at it (the phantom dumper) how he could have got away with it in a busy pub was beyond me.....
but for those of you who watch south park it reminded me of the episode someone took a duke in the urinal thats what made it so funny for me