Radically need to change my ways. Is it possible

LegacyUser

Hello all,
Heres my story and the problems I have going on in my life, problems iv had for quite a considerable length of time now as long as I can remember anyway and im 22 now. Basically my life is riddled with anxiety when im in the company of other people. Its after getting worse in the last few years in the past it was just women and elders I would get nervous around but now it has changed to literally everyone even my good friends and family. The reason for this I feel is because as life goes on you get more and more exposed to social situations and are put more and more out there eg college having to spend time with others and more and more socialising eg night clubs etc... And seeing everyone else act normal relaxed and comfortable in these situations just makes me feel more and more useless about myself. Which in turn has led me to low feelings of self worth and depression.
All my time is taken up thinking of my inner problems which has a knock on effect making it hard for me to concentrate on more important things in life like my studys and things going on in the real world. I have lost interest in alot of things in life due to my anxietys making me a very dull boring person to talk to. When im in a situation where iv to talk to people i really never know anything to say and try to get out of the chat asap! Or in a group id zone out of the conversation due to my inhibitions staring at the tv or whatever hoping I wouldnt have to talk. It has actually made me slow in the brain to be honest and my reactions and speech are not what they used to be.
When I feel anxious around people which is pretty much all the time apart from when im drunk and when im drunk my emotions flow and i make a cock of myself! Symptoms of my anxiety include blushing, sweating, tremour in my hands and increased heart rate and absent mindedness due to way over thinking!
Im a goodlucking guy without wanting to sound cocky but iv no real problems attracting the girls phyically. Its just my personality and severe awkwardness that lets me down like a ton of bricks. I can pull random women in clubs with ease when im drunk but anything other than a kiss on the dancefloor is just pure danting for me. The thoughts of having to spend time and get intimate with a woman are really dawnting for me. I was often in situations with women where i should of performed sexually like 1 night stands and that but my nerves always get the better of me. Dont ask me what it is but its a major hinderance in life. Every woman i was ever with in life i have made it really awkward between us and basically fu**ed up any chance of a relationship blossiming I way over think things and when I do that I become nervous. I feel as if im not good enough for them and my family is not good enough for them, there is a history of depression on both sides of my parents familys and my father suffers from it from time to time although I think like myself my father may be suffering a form of social anxiety only it has gone undetected. So if a girl knew about my family she would be turned off immediatly.
I try to hide from it by drinking but sometimes this dosnt work when im drinking i can go two ways, i can become the most happy socible person in the world or i can become really depressed just wanting to go home early or lock myself away into the toilets of the club. Its really all about feeling comfortable around people and I never had a role model in my life to teach me the tricks.
I bought many self help books but never had the consentration to finish them iv been to councillors and been on lexapro 10mg before but to no avail really. These things arnt going to change who i am.
I have a plan in action to change my ways but i dont know if i have the dedication to do it. Basically I need to read up on my self help books and start taking interest in general things people like to talk about like sports music and general facts! Start learning new ways of dealing with situations aswell, my body language always gives me away though eye contact is impossible for my and blushing and sweating make people really realise how awkward i am around them. I also need to get myself in shape as a healy body is a healty mind so im told!!
I know this is probably a serious rant for ye all reading this but i need to just get some of this baggage off my chest because social anxiety aint easy!!

CaptainOats

Well firstly, you're really brave to recognise your anxieties, that's probably the biggest step you can take towards trying to overcome it. Sounds like you are in college so why don't you try looking at it as a big fresh start in September, join loads of clubs, get out and meet new people.

It sounds daunting but stepping totally out of your comfort zone and giving yourself a big challenge... maybe joining something like a drama club might be brilliant for you and might help you have fun just learning how to express yourself... could help you loads and boost your confidence!

In any case, best of luck with it, you're still really young and the world is your oyster, and always remember the more you believe in yourself the more everybody else will believe in you too! =o)

tenchi-fan

I have a plan in action to change my ways but i dont know if i have the dedication to do it. Basically I need to read up on my self help books and start taking interest in general things people like to talk about like sports music and general facts! Start learning new ways of dealing with situations aswell, my body language always gives me away though eye contact is impossible for my and blushing and sweating make people really realise how awkward i am around them. I also need to get myself in shape as a healy body is a healty mind so im told!!

Hi, so much of your post involves around the things you don't like about yourself.. good! You recognise what's wrong, Now it's time to move on.

Those suggestions you made about turning your life around will work. You rarely see people with great bodies who are depressed.
well I don't have a great body but I started the gym recently.. straight after work I head to the gym and feel great after it. In fact, I don't have any time to mope or dwell on the past because i'm kept so busy.
I know what you mean about making a dick of yourself when you're drunk.. it happens when you bottle up all your problems and aren't happy. I used to constantly do this. Not so bad any more though!

Denerick

OP,

Please be careful when choosing a self help book. There are a lot of charlatans and snake oil salesmen in this business. Read something by a reputable pyschologist that doesn't pander to you or spout vague generalties.

greengiant09

read my previous posts on this issue!