i did a very hurtful thing

LegacyUser

hi, i'll try to keep this as short as possible, i had a 'relationship' for about a year, started really well, both mad about each other, however, things went downhill.

i think he just couldnt commit and never admitted it. there were times he really hurt me, i didnt even get a card for valentines, the pressie i got him, he gave straight back to me because he didnt like it. he went away and i didnt even get a fridge magnet back!! he also went to social events without telling me, never mind asking me to go!!
he never thought any of this was a big deal, i should just 'get over it' even if i explained that even though they were little things, they meant a lot to me.

anyway eventually, i said it had to stop, he obviously didnt care.
i havent seen him for 2 months. i miss him.

he is still in touch, texts, calls, whenever he feels like it,i dont even know why he bothers.

anyway, we were talking on the phone and one thing led to another, i said something terrible, i told him his ex cheated on him, treated him like crap etc etc
now i know i shouldnt have said it, i feel terrible for hurting him.

he said 'i will never talk to you again, ever'
i've left messages apologising, i have text him.
if i was going out with him i would do everything to make up, but im not and never really was.
how can i apologise? can i do anything, should i leave him alone now. i hate to think of him upset and i caused it. what can i do??

LighterGuy

Just so i get it right, on the phone call recently... you told him his ex cheated on him. this was his previous ex before you?

Blackpitts

it's pretty clear that you want him back into your life in some way.
But it's also very clear that you should get rid of him for your own sake.

forget about it, he will do you a favour if he doesn't call you back (but i doubt it) and in a couple of weeks this sort of "dependency" you have for him will fade away and you will feel better. At that point you will realize how much time you have wasted with him.

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

Sorry to say it sounds as much of a toxic "friendship" as it was a relationship. I wouldn't get involved in anything to do with him again, just draw a line under it and try to learn from what has happened. He wasn't a great boyfriend and you put up with him and now you've split you have both allowed contact to continue, it was only a matter of time before resentment spilled over one way or the other.

Ignore his contact, don't contact him, move onwards and upwards.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

lighterguy- yes, the girl he was with before me, for years!

i guess i should just leave it now but i feel bad for hurting him, i cant help thinking as well though that i always forgave him for everything mean, and the one time i do something mean, he never wants to talk to me again!

im really not usually a mean hurtful person

SheRa

To be honest it sounds like you are much better being out of this relationship and having this man out of your life.

I dont know if its true that his ex cheated on him, but if he is that concerned about it, he will probably try and confirm that for himself, its not your concern anymore.

By the way, you talk about hurting him, hun by the sounds of it he hurt you a lot too by the way he treated you. Now I know that it would be easy to say that you put up with it, but when you are in the middle of it, its so hard to see the wood from the trees, especially if you love the man.

Give yourself a break and please stop feeling guilty.

blairbear

Oh god, I've met/dated guys like this. They treat you like crap for ages and expect you to just put up with it and never complain, but then make a massive fuss and throw a hissy fit when you say or do anything vaguely offensive to them.

He's using your comments as an excuse to distract from his own bad behaviour and thoughtlessness. I PROMISE you in about two weeks time or less, he'll "forgive" you and will expect you to be on your knees in gratitude for this olive branch he's offering.

It's just one more way to have the upper hand in your friendship/relationship. Please don't pander to it.

TitoPuente

Agree with what's been said just above there. He sounds like the emotionally abusive type. You're better off without him in your life.

LegacyUser

OP have some respect for yourself!
You "went out" with the saddest excuse for a "boyfriend"
I mean he didn't tell you about some of his social events. And giving back a present you got for him? What the hell was that about? He was stringing you along and treating you like crap and you said yourself he hurt you a lot. So why did you stay with him?

You shouldn't care about what you said about his ex. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't deserve your time.

I'm sorry to be harsh OP but this is the second topic I've read where the OP can't understand why they are being treated like crap from men. Answer: stop being a doormat and don't let a man treat you like that.

Hopefully this post will wake you up to not take crap from people in future. Good luck

LegacyUser

images- harsh, but true i know. i try to find the best in people and i know all his good points.

i guess he just thought i wasnt worth doing his best for!

very hard to cut people out and hard not to be a doormat when the person is so nice to everyone else in the world and just not to me!

you are right, time to harden my heart i guess

metrovelvet

You don't need to harden your heart but you do need to quit the parasitic dependency you have on this guy's approval.

blairbear

ihurthim wrote: »

very hard to cut people out and hard not to be a doormat when the person is so nice to everyone else in the world and just not to me!

It's very, very easy to be nice to people when they want nothing from you. Most people are pretty nice to their friends. You wanted commitment and respect. I'm sure he's lovely to people when it doesn't put him out or conflict with what he wants.