Coming to terms with my mam gone

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I am very suprised I am even writing this thread to be honest. My mam passed away a year and 3months ago and honestly, I dont think I have even begun to come to terms with it.

She was my best friend and the person I felt closest to in the world. I was her only daughter. And I was only 22 when she passed away. Im 24 this week. She was in her 50's.
She lost a long and courageous battle with cancer.

Ever since she passed away I have frozen it out. I cant bring myself to think about her or talk about her. Its just not possible. The level of pain knowing she is gone forever is one I cant cope with. So I plod along my daily and pretend it didnt happen.

I know this is a crap way of coping. Or not coping. But I dont know how to change it.

Anyway, this has begun something that I couldnt sustain, and I have been dreaming of her every night for the last 2 weeks. Why? She appears in my dreams every night. Alive and well. And we do nice things together in the dreams. But when I wake up, its like the most profound feeling of loss because I know none of it was real and it was just a dream.

Please if somebody could give me some tips on how to deal with this would be great. Also, ever since she died I have severe anxiety that my dad will die too It keeps me up at night worrying about him as I live in a different country.

I would really appreciate some advice.

Thanks for listening xxxxx

LegacyUser

Op,

I really feel for you. I lost my mum to cancer last Nov. She was only 66 and i still miss her everyday. However, while I am still grieving and will continue to do so, we were lucky enough to be able to talk about her impending death before she died. She told me that I would miss her dreadfully but not to let it ruin my life, to grieve and to always hold her in my heart and thoughts but also to know that she is no longer in pain and is looking over me.

I can't really explain it but it helps to know that she was ready for death and that she went happy in the knowledge that all pain was over. There is no way she could be alive today . Sorry I can't explain it better but I hope it helps a little bit.

Stay strong

metrovelvet

Op,

Your grief is asking for some attention, and pay heed!

If you don't you will pay for it.

There is no way of avoiding this hurt. It will come and find you.

Its not uncommon to get stuck or regress into one if the seven stages of grief. Sounds like you are still denying that she is gone.

Do you think you might need some help?

LegacyUser

This sounds so familiar OP. My dad is gone for 1 year and 5 months, and while I don't dwell on it all the time, I do find that sometimes, if I think of the horror of the last week of his life, I just can't cope at all, and I'm sobbing like it has just happened all over again. He also had cancer, for many years and having to say goodbye was horrific.

Afterwards, I could not cope with anybody being ill, if one of my baby neice or nephews was sick, I convinced myself they'd just die too, even now, if my mam has a chest infection, I think "is this cancer starting with her?" I put it down to the fact that I just could NOT cope with going through it again, so I desperately hope and pray I won't have to.

Now I take comfort from my dad being in my dreams, its a veryfrequent occurence and its so lovely that he's just there, and we're just doing our normal everyday thing, and I think its his way of showing me he's ok...

I have considered bereavement counselling, but haven't done it yet and the further I move away from when it happened, the more I feel I should be ok, so I'd kinda feel stupid going along to counselling, but I guess it really is something for both you and I to consider OP