How to Deflect Work

Bruce7

Guide provided by a master bureaucrat. Can anyone add anything to the this? What you your strategies?

Phase 1: The Wall of Questions.

This should repel most requestors, especially if they need something urgently. Put the ball back in their court as quickly as possible. Fire a barrage of emails with lengthy lists of questions (the more detail required in the answers the better) at the requestor. Phone their voicemail and let them know you need to discuss further. Send a meeting request at a time like lunchtime or Friday evening. Make them feel like what they are looking for is as complex as getting planning permission for a nuclear power plant. If they don't give up and go away, make sure you finish up with a detailed description of exactly what you understand the request for information to actually entail. If completed correctly, this can depress them so much that they give up, but if not, you can always refer to it later. There is sure to be a clause in there somewhere that they overlooked!

Phase 2: Attack the request:

Interrogate the requestor about exactly why they are asking for the information. Who is the ultimate requestor? Why are they looking for this information? How does it fit into the global strategic vision? Ask them questions that only the CEO could answer. If they don't have definitive answers to all of these, which they invariably won't, suggest setting up some time with a few of the most senior people in the company to get a fuller understanding of the thinking behind the request. This might put them off, but if it doesn't, they will end up lamely repeating something like "[Insert MD's name] is asking for this." As well as using up valuable time and discouraging them further, this will also demoralise them and make them feel weak and foolish.

Phase 3: Give them something else and say it meets their needs

Bombard the requestor with reports that they are unfamiliar with and tell them that what they are looking for is already contained in them. It will take them a considerable amount of time to analyse the reports, and by this stage they will know that they need to provide a detailed proof to refute your contention that the report meets their needs. When you receive this response, point out that in the process of doing the analysis, they have already done most of the work they asked you to do. This is also a good time to redeploy The Wall of Questions. As well as using up valuable time and discouraging them further, they should be starting to question their sanity, so it is a perfect time to move on to:

Phase 4: The Philosophy of Work

Initiate a philosophical discussion about best practices worthy of Plato and Aristotle, and just as lengthy. Remind them to focus on the perfect world of forms, and how things should be, and advise them to resist the temptation to succumb to the illusion of reality that is the day to day world of BAU. By moving the discussion from the concrete into the abstract, this will disorient and discourage them further, and, of course, waste more time. But if they still keep coming, employ:

Phase 5: The Pontius Pilate manoeuvre

Quite simply, wash your hands of the whole process. Tell them you have already given them what they were looking for, and they just didn't realise it. Tell them to put the information they are looking for together from the various bits and pieces that you provided them. If they ask you to validate this for them, refuse, and re-initiate one of the previous phases. The Philosophy of Work often works well at this point.

The process of obstruction will have been ongoing for a period of weeks or months by now, and they will be so frustrated that they are ready to give up commercial life and join a religious order. They will give up, and go away, and you will have succeeded! It might have taken 6 months and about 20 days of effort, but you will have saved yourself from having to do 5 minutes extra work! And, most importantly, you will have strongly discouraged the person in question from ever asking you to do anything again. It may seem time consuming now, but it saves a lot of time in the long run.

The only thing to bear in mind at this point is any fallout, and the risk of them escalating or reporting your obstruction, but don't worry about that. Simply follow steps 1-5 again with whoever else gets involved, and keep repeating as necessary.

Great success!

jd007

wut?

Jaxxy

tl;dr. I just walk around with a folder/file in my hand.

Einhard

Reading this would have been too much work. So I didn't. Does that count?

The Saint

All that shít looks like more effort than doing the actual work in the first place.

xoxyx

I love it!
And don't forget to look hassled. Always look hassled. Look like you could break into teary shards at any moment if you're given one more thing to do. Why do these people want to make you cry by giving you work? Why would they do such a thing? Why those can't be people - they must be monsters.


:cool:

Phase 1: The Wall of Questions.

This should repel most requestors, especially if they need something urgently. Put the ball back in their court as quickly as possible. Fire a barrage of emails with lengthy lists of questions (the more detail required in the answers the better) at the requestor. Phone their voicemail and let them know you need to discuss further. Send a meeting request at a time like lunchtime or Friday evening. Make them feel like what they are looking for is as complex as getting planning permission for a nuclear power plant. If they don't give up and go away, make sure you finish up with a detailed description of exactly what you understand the request for information to actually entail. If completed correctly, this can depress them so much that they give up, but if not, you can always refer to it later. There is sure to be a clause in there somewhere that they overlooked!

We generally have to do this anyway
I sometimes think the clients think we're trying to cause trouble or wind them up.

sponsoredwalk

Lol, I like sneak tactic #4

Without a source/link methinks you wrote this yourself for the laugh

Dubh Geannain

Computer says "No"

artanevilla

This is why our economy is in the ****ter.

naoise80

Why would anyone want to avoid work?

The day goes much faster when you're busy

Sykk

Sorry but I'm not a lazy cúnt. Thanks.

Dravokivich

I just point people to the general direction that other people are at...

kfallon

"Send a meeting request at a time like lunchtime or Friday evening."

And then they accept the meeting invitation cos they are the kind of people whose lives are their jobs....D'oh!!!