I need and advice please!!!

princess2

Recently I move to my boyfriend's country to be with him, I'm working in something that I don't like but also I cant find another job cause I need to improve the language and I want to contribute with something even is a few money. I have a degree and I really would love to develop what I study, but like I am new in this country I have to start working with something completely different. I lost many job opportunities in my country cause I really wanted to be with him, The thing is that since I moved to his country he doesn't pay me any attention, when I come from work he pays more attention to internet than to me. He has no details with me anymore, he doesn't like to give me big kisses me cause he didn't brush his teeth (before wasn't like that). Now only we have sex once a week which I don't think its normal. I do almost the work at home (cooking and cleaning) the thing is that he only works 2 days a week so the days that he's free he sleeps until 2pm and spends the rest of the time in internet or watching tv. I asked him for some help but he says that he loses a lot of his time doing those things (and then my time?). Recently he said me that I want much attention from him. I'm trying to give him some space cause like I have no friends or social networks I spent the most of the time at home, also cause I have no enough money to go out, but I feel that then has no point to move with him if he just ignores me, maybe I'm seeing the things very dramatic but really I feel so bad, Please help me!!!!

shebango

Hi OP.

I was in something similar in that I had moved to live with my OH. I know how vulnerable it feels. And like you, I had no job. When you're out of your comfort zone and don't feel like you 'belong' anywhere, it can really feel incredibly isolating.

Your partner should understand that you have made the sacrifice to move. You left a life behind you to be with him. He didn't have to change his life but you did. My ex didn't really get that either. I guess, unless you've actually done it, it's hard to imagine what it's like. So you have to tell him what it's like!! I know you've asked for help but that's not the same thing as sitting him down and really telling him how you're feeling. Give him a chance to hear you and make the necessary changes.

He is coming across as a little self centred but maybe he is not aware of how the situation is affecting you? It's your job to fill him in.

If nothing changes after that, then you must walk. I didn't and fell further and further into an abyss of lonliness, anger and resentment. Only when the relationship was completely destroyed with this did I walk.

The concept of moving back home is terrifying and I think that's why I waited so long too. But let me tell you, it was very tough but also the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've landed my dream job, i'm back in the comfort of my family and friends and my life is my own again. You have said that you walked away from many opportunities. So you've obviously a lot going for you. You can utilise this if you decide to move back home.

So, have the talk. If he's not prepared to pull up his socks, leave him off. Honestly. Cos if you don't, you will only be hurting yourself by staying on. You only have one life. Don't waste it on someone who won't support and cherish you. Good luck.x

Ickle Magoo

Join some clubs, hobby groups or something and make yourself friends. At the moment he holds all the power in the relationship in that it's his home, his friends and you are very dependant on him. Break the dependency by making friends and for goodness sakes, you aren't his maid - stop doing all the cooking and cleaning while he lies in until 2.

It could just be now you are in his home his true colours are coming out, have you the opportunity to move out into your own place and share with others? It would mean you would stand a better chance of making friends and you wouldn't be left to run around after your boyfriend.

First thing you have to do is sit him down and ask that there is change. Stop doing everything and ask that he does his share. If he can't even do that then I'd be looking at moving out, or even moving home.

Best of luck

shebango

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Join some clubs, hobby groups or something and make yourself friends. At the moment he holds all the power in the relationship in that it's his home, his friends and you are very dependant on him. Break the dependency by making friends and for goodness sakes, you aren't his maid - stop doing all the cooking and cleaning while he lies in until 2.

It could just be now you are in his home his true colours are coming out, have you the opportunity to move out into your own place and share with others? It would mean you would stand a better chance of making friends and you wouldn't be left to run around after your boyfriend.

First thing you have to do is sit him down and ask that there is change. Stop doing everything and ask that he does his share. If he can't even do that then I'd be looking at moving out, or even moving home.

Best of luck

+1 on trying to develop your own interests and making friends of your own. It's absolutely vital. But he should be helping you to try and settle in also. After all, you moved to be with him.