That Feeling! - but why in such a difficult situation

LegacyUser

Hi All, I'm a regular boards poster but will keep my annonymity on this one.

Been single now for about 2 years and to be honest, I've been more than happy to be. Life is hectic and work is busy.

2 Friday's ago though, I met a girl for the first time (had seen pics of her before - always thought wow, she looks smokin). She's a friend of a friend. Anyway, it was just a chance meeting (she was out shopping with my friend for a present for his GF). We both have the same phone and she was having problems with her and I was asked to take a look. Anyway it was a fleeting meet up (10 minutes) and as I walked back to my car I was thinking "Holy Mother of God, she is amazing looking and seems pretty lovely as well.

Anyway, on the Sunday night we were going to my friends GF's party and of course the girl was there. Which I knew she would be. Again looked amazing. We spent a good bit of time together over the night and had a laugh. We ended up sharing a kiss and swapping numbers (none of our friends know this happened). We were both pretty drunk.

Anyway since then we've text a fair bit every day or two, or IM'd etc... nothing major really just talking about the next time we go out on a night out etc...slagging, jeering each other etc...

So you're wondering what's the problem. Well here's the sinker..... She's 20. I'm nearly 27.

Neither of us has suggested actually meeting up specifically just the two of us. But everyday since then I've had a twisted gut and butterflies in my stomach, morning to night. It's really weird. I'm not new to dating or relationships, have had 3 long-term relationships in the past. But nobody and I really mean nobody has ever had me feel like this before. You should see me when my phone beeps I almost fall off the chair wondering "is it her". And feel great when it is, a disappointed when it's not.

I suppose I am here asking you good people, that given the age gap, should I go for it or just try move away from this. I don't really care about the age gap myself but given how I feel it could be my heart and not my heading guiding me on that. I know there is likely to be some difficulties perhaps if something did develop but I'd hope it wouldn't be insurmountable or the defining thing of any potential relationship.

Course, I could very well be just jumping the gun anyway but any thoughts would be great.

Cheers.

LegacyUser

Really now this age gap mightn't be a problem but in a couple of years it could rear it's ugly head. My now ex-girlfriend was 18 when i started going out with her and i was 24. at the time no problems but over the 5 years together i completely changed, became more serious about my life i suppose, had absolutely nothing in common with her at the end. she is still into partying like crazy whereas i've done it all and can't stand the complete and utter crap people talk when high or drunk anymore, you just get bored of it, whereas she is just getting into that part of her life....

I suppose though it depends on her personality and yours, how compatible you are. She could decide to head off traveling in a year while you could be working on getting your career in shape. It's a very important time in your life your 20's where i suppose you really need to be your own person and be able to do things on your terms.

This isn't to say it can't work! But you need to be very sure of the relationship and the other person. I know of a couple now around the 30 mark who spent about 4 years in total apart during their 20's and now have a mortgage together. But the problem with that is you'll never know unless you actually do it.....

Ah life is a b!tch! Just don't make any plans, let it happen (whatever 'it' is)

Best of luck dude!

shebango

Ok... So you personally don't care about the age gap which appears to be the only 'problem' here.

You really like her, she's beautiful, lovely, you both get on great, you've never felt this way before.

You're level headed and have experience in relationships..

Ok - so where is the problem exactly??:)

So basically you're saying that a stranger's opinion on the age gap (i.e., us here on boards) matters more to you than your own opinion. Even though you don't care about the age gap.. eh.... see what i'm getting at?;)

Every relationship will have it's 'difficulties'. If you shy away from anything that 'may' have difficulties, you're in for a boring and dull life, my friend.

Go for it, for jaysis sake! Isn't it better to have gone for it and for it to potentially not work out, rather than not and always wonder??

And who knows - it MAY work out. But you'll never know dilly dallying on boards, questioning your own gut instinct!

Best of luck. I hope you both will be very happy!:D

Miss Fluff

Get a move on. Seriously! You are obviously keen on her. Faint heart never won fair lady, ask her out man!!

AnonoBoy

20 v 27?


That's not a problem.

She's an adult. You're an adult.

Go for it.

LegacyUser

Cheers guys.

I guess the reason I was here was for impartial advice. My mind and body is currently electrified by the thought of her and I'd be afraid that those feelings could cloud my judgement.


But you are right, I think I'll take the bulls by the horns and at the next opportunity I'll ask her out for a drink or a bit of food or both. Hopefully I'll get a positive resposne.

sleeplessin

Do it man, best of luck.

newtothis2010

agree, go for it..

my mate is 29 and he has a 21 yr old girlie... pretty much similar set up to you regarding the butterflies, feelings etc..

he pondered and pondered til we told him to forget the age, ye're adults, go with it, whether it goes years down the line or months, don't be the one to kick yourself in 60 years for not trying!!!

good luck!:D

AvaKinder

I'd say go for it. Just before I turned nineteen I met a guy, found out after a couple weeks flirting in work that he was actually 29 but I was too interested by then to worry about the age gap. Ended up together for two and a half years, and he's still one of my best friends more than three years after the relationship ended.

The age gap is something that may need to be addressed, I know I for one was nervous about being seen as 'inexperienced' in the bedroom department, but other than that it never really made a difference. Age gaps don't matter it's really just about the two people involved.

LegacyUser

Cheers for the replies.

I've no interest in settling down (i.e. marriage) at the moment. I don't have a plan, I feel marriage is about the right person and not the timing or age etc... so it's not that I'd be in a radically different life stage than her.

I go clubbing and to the pub very often, would go more if I had someone more consistent to go with, I stil do the same things and am much the same person as I was 5 or 6 years ago. Yeah, I've got a career and all, but it's 9-5 more or less so can't see that being any issue.

I don't know if it's really worth worrying about those things though until I see how things go in the short term.

Guess it's just time to put the best foot forward and take a chance and ask her out. With a bit of luck she'll say yes and it'll go from there....

purplepixie

ok i know exactly where your coming from. Im a 21 year old girl who has been seein a 28 year old on and off for last few weeks... he is worried about the exact same thing is the gap too big???? I say feck the gap im mad about him as you clearly are about this girl. Chances are she wont care about the gap... go for it you have nothin to lose, you have met someone who is giving you butterflies dont let her go over a stupid number thats all age is a number.. if ye do end up together ye can work through any difficulties that crop up as a couple.. i beg ya go for it... i wish someone would tell this to my older man

LegacyUser

purplepixie wrote: »

ok i know exactly where your coming from. Im a 21 year old girl who has been seein a 28 year old on and off for last few weeks... he is worried about the exact same thing is the gap too big???? I say feck the gap im mad about him as you clearly are about this girl. Chances are she wont care about the gap... go for it you have nothin to lose, you have met someone who is giving you butterflies dont let her go over a stupid number thats all age is a number.. if ye do end up together ye can work through any difficulties that crop up as a couple.. i beg ya go for it... i wish someone would tell this to my older man

Thanks for that.

Well first things first, have to actually ask her out, haven't spoken to her today so far. Want to wait till she contacts me first before I ask, I've done most (but not all) of the initiation and I want to wait for her to contact me first.

stupidusername

I get what you think may be the problem OP. I'm at the stage / age now where a significant age gap would be very offputting. I understand that you do come to be aware of differences in personalities in terms of ambitions and needs. But I still want to say I think you should give it a go. I mean you can have fun with her for a time anyway, and if you work out that you're really not on the same path, then end it. You could be surprised.

Kingpin187

I was in the same boat OP

Im now 28, met my gf when I was 27 and she was 19. Started off just texting and on the phone, this went on for a month or so.. more or less every day. The age thing bothered me at first, not so much her... and over a year on now and to be honest reading this thread is the only time Ive thought about it

We moved in together in May, going to Africa in Aug together and loads more plans on the horizon. I think back to the start and what I would have missed had I let something like an "age gap" stop me from finding happiness!

Go for it, what have you to lose, really?