Confused Love Triangle

LegacyUser

This story is a little confusing, but I really appreciate an advice, as I am a complete loss of what to do.
I was with my ex for three years and fell madly in love with him immediately. We rarely ever fought, he treated me like an absolute princess and I thought he was for sure the one. I am not Irish and I moved here to be with him and the relationship was very serious from the start (We were also very young, 22 when we met). At around the three year mark (last February) I decided I wanted to make sure that I had no regrets and figure out if he was the right one for me. I told him all of this and we decided to break up for awhile and see where we were in a few months.
We stayed best friends, but I stupidly dated a complete arse immediatly after the breakup for about 6 months, who completely shot my self confidence. The ex and I got back together for a brief time afterwards, but I wasn't ready and neither was he. We decided we would cut contact to give us both time to figure out what it is we wanted.
In January, I met another bloke who I have since fallen in love with. The only problem is I can't get my ex out of my head. Myself and my ex still aren't talking, but I think about him all the time. I am so scared I've lost him, even though I already have a new boyfriend! I think about all the nice things my ex used to do for me and what a great guy he is and wonder if I have just made the dumbest mistake of my life. I am not sure if I should break up with this new boyfriend because this isn't really fair to him if I'm still hung up on my ex or if I should try and stick it out? I can't understand why I just can't move on if I have fallen for someone else. I also don't know if I should try contacting my ex and see him, or just leave him be and wait for him to contact me? Thanks for reading and I would appreciate any advice!

Chinafoot

argh1234 wrote: »

This story is a little confusing, but I really appreciate an advice, as I am a complete loss of what to do.
I was with my ex for three years and fell madly in love with him immediately. We rarely ever fought, he treated me like an absolute princess and I thought he was for sure the one. I am not Irish and I moved here to be with him and the relationship was very serious from the start (We were also very young, 22 when we met). At around the three year mark (last February) I decided I wanted to make sure that I had no regrets and figure out if he was the right one for me. I told him all of this and we decided to break up for awhile and see where we were in a few months.
We stayed best friends, but I stupidly dated a complete arse immediatly after the breakup for about 6 months, who completely shot my self confidence. The ex and I got back together for a brief time afterwards, but I wasn't ready and neither was he. We decided we would cut contact to give us both time to figure out what it is we wanted.
In January, I met another bloke who I have since fallen in love with. The only problem is I can't get my ex out of my head. Myself and my ex still aren't talking, but I think about him all the time. I am so scared I've lost him, even though I already have a new boyfriend! I think about all the nice things my ex used to do for me and what a great guy he is and wonder if I have just made the dumbest mistake of my life. I am not sure if I should break up with this new boyfriend because this isn't really fair to him if I'm still hung up on my ex or if I should try and stick it out? I can't understand why I just can't move on if I have fallen for someone else. I also don't know if I should try contacting my ex and see him, or just leave him be and wait for him to contact me? Thanks for reading and I would appreciate any advice!

I would question how "in love" you are with this new boyfriend if you are still pining for your ex.

I would also question how "in love" you were with your ex if you felt the need to break up after three years so you could basically go and have "no regrets" and figure out if you actually wanted to be with him or not.

This will probably sound harsh and I don't intend to offend but basically, you fúcked up. You can't just end a relationship, go and be with someone else and then expect this guy to be waiting for you for you with open arms when you decide you want him back. You also can't have very much respect for your new boyfriend if you are willing to continue a relationship with him despite wanting to be with someone else.

I don't believe you understand being "in love" and I don't believe you were "in love" with either your ex or your current partner. My advice for you would be to leave both of them alone and go and sort yourself out.

Black Swan

argh1234 wrote: »

At around the three year mark (last February) I decided I wanted to make sure that I had no regrets and figure out if he was the right one for me. I told him all of this and we decided to break up for awhile and see where we were in a few months...

The ex and I got back together for a brief time afterwards, but I wasn't ready and neither was he...

In January, I met another bloke who I have since fallen in love with...

The only problem is I can't get my ex out of my head. Myself and my ex still aren't talking, but I think about him all the time. I am so scared I've lost him, even though I already have a new boyfriend!

This is so inconsistent. You act like a rebounder after leaving the first lad: BOUNCE, BOUNCE, BOUNCE!

PirateShampoo

If i was ur first love then i would hope that you dont contact me as you sound like a head wrecker and as Blue says a bouncer.

Miss Fluff

You are continuously hedging your bets, all seems a little desperate.

You break up with your ex to make sure you are mad about him, you date a twat who reaffirms you shouldn't have broken up with your ex, but you are now "in love" with a guy but miss your ex but still want him in the background while staying with the guy you're with?

Perhaps a little bit of time on your own figuring out who you are and not relying on a crutch or another person to boost your self-esteem is what's really needed here......

Wibbs

I sense an element of wanting what you can't have coming into it.

I would also say the normal progression of romantic love has gone wrong for you. Generally speaking it goes in these steps: Meet someone - fall in love - heavy love feelings and bonding - this peaks in the first year and reduces over 2/3/4 years - Then long term solid commitment type love, just as good if not better, but different. Most long termers fail at the point when the real long term step is in play. The honeymoon is over and the practical reality is to the fore.

Like you said you both wanted to see if the last step was a good thing. So you took a break. Often a bad idea IMHO, because at that point the chances of falling into the first step with someone else are high enough. You have the novelty factor and the high emotions of the first step. This is confusing and IMHO how people end up in love with two people at once. They're actually in love with them too, just attached at different steps. You're scared you've lost the ex because you have the longterm love thing with him(and a shared history) and you're in the "In love" phase with your new boyfriend. Both are going to be very valid emotions for you.

Fixing this is going to be difficult for you as like I say the emotions are real just out of step. Often Ive noticed what happens in these cases is a third person comes along the person in love with two resets the mechanism and wipes out the emotional crossed wires of the other two.

I could advise you to stay with the current guy or go back to your ex. My worry is that no matter what you do there will still be the other guy in your heart.