"Lets just be friends"

needhelpguy

Did any guys here ever get this from a female friend? If so how did you deal with it? Did the friendship breakdown?

Wagon

Yes.
The friendship broke down because i wasn't arsed just being friends anymore.
**** happens. Give it a few weeks and you'll forget she ever existed.

Overheal

After intimacies have happened: its really awkward, and the friendship usually breaks down.

Before anything has happened this is pretty manageable. Though still awkward if you have feelings for her.

There's no rule here. Its your own judgement.

needhelpguy

Yeah we're in the same group of friends and work together. Nothing intimate, we dated a while but feelings on my side are still there. I can't afford awkwardness.

HavingCrack

There is literally hundreds of these sort of threads on this forum OP-have a look.

needhelpguy

I'm willing to take this on the chin, yeah it hurts but the hurt is getting lesser with time. I'll have no problems being friends and I'm already arranging to head out with mates on the pull.

But I wonder, has anyone ever gotten out of the friendzone with a girl?

jurgenscarl

If you want to get out of the friendzone you have to make yourself scare for a long time and then meet up with her again just at the point where she is thinking 'Hmm I've seen this guy's face somewhere before. How do I know him?'
But why bother?
There are limitless opportunities with other women than to be focused on the 'one.'

G-Money

I've had variations of that said to me over the years. However nowadays the "friends card" is no longer accepted by me. It get's rejected each time

Don't get me wrong, I won't tell a girl to f*** off or something. I'll be polite and curteous and I'll say that I'm not really looking to be friends kind of near the start and in such a way that she knows there's a good chance she won't hear from me again if that's the way it goes.

It might seem callous but I don't think it is. If she doesn't want you to be her boyfriend, you are equally within your rights to not have her as a friend. It's not saying she's a nasty person, just that it won't work. Friendships and relationships both fall into the bracket of "relationships" to a certain extent. It takes both people to be on the same page with no hidden agenda in order for them to work.

I usually just sort of let things drift and I'll be polite and curteous but gradually start taking longer and longer to reply to any communicae and my replies will get shorter and shorter to the point where she'd stop getting in touch.

karaokeman

You can't be put in the friend zone because there is no such thing.

For some people its just a friendly way of saying a girl doesn't fancy you. Its not the end of the world though, plenty more fish in the sea.

HavingCrack

karaokeman wrote: »

You can't be put in the friend zone because there is no such thing.

For some people its just a friendly way of saying a girl doesn't fancy you. Its not the end of the world though, plenty more fish in the sea.

The friend zone most definately does exist actually. Generally women but also some men separate certain people into those they want as friends and those they want in a romantic way. Even if a girl doesn't fancy you she still views you as a potential partner but oen she isn't interested in.

TitoPuente

As soon as a woman says "let's just be friends" then you move on and find romantic involvement elsewhere. Don't give her pleasure of playing the "pursued princess" mind game. Find someone who actually appreciates you.

Although that doesn't mean you can't remain friends. As petty and pathetic as it might sound, from experience it can be quite fun to watch how pissed off a girl who rejected you before can get when they see you happy with someone else. Women shoot themselves in the foot sometimes :cool:

ABajaninCork

TitoPuente wrote: »

As soon as a woman says "let's just be friends" then you move on and find romantic involvement elsewhere. Don't give her pleasure of playing the "pursued princess" mind game. Find someone who actually appreciates you.

Although that doesn't mean you can't remain friends. As petty and pathetic as it might sound, from experience it can be quite fun to watch how pissed off a girl who rejected you before can get when they see you happy with someone else. Women shoot themselves in the foot sometimes :cool:

Funny - I've done the reverse. Men shoot themselves in the foot sometimes...:cool:

LegacyUser

I do think they can be friends, however if there is romantic feelings involved, its much harder to maintain..
obviously you have a female friend you have feelings for, and she just wants to be friends??
if so, have you been friends a while? did you develop feelings for her after time, or where you attracted to her from the start?
if the answer to the above is yes, then I dont think you could possibly maintain a friendship with this girl, as you will only hurt yourself, especially if she is involved with someone else. If you did date before, then maybe there is a chance that it could happen again further down the line, but dont wait around for it...go out and meet some new people for you...eventually you will not feel as bad anymore.
I know it is not nice at all..I have been there, and it sucks, and nearly every second post is about this aswell..so we all do it...we want what we cant have more!!
my last advise would be if you are around this person socially or work, you have to make a decision to remove yourself from those circles, I know it isnt fair...but this will help you, it may not be ideal, but it has to happen so you can move on...and try not to do what most of us do, and think of reasons why we shouldnt stop going where we used to go, or stay where we work...as they are only excuses....the best way to deal with these situations is out of site out of mind...eventually...
best of luck op.

needhelpguy wrote: »

Did any guys here ever get this from a female friend? If so how did you deal with it? Did the friendship breakdown?

katie99

I once told a guy I really fanced that I couldn't be friends with him, as I had loads of friends and I never really saw any of them, so I didn't need an extra one.
You see I was going out with a guy steady at the time and I just met this other guy through work. I did really like him and he was very nice.
He never said he liked me in a romantic way but I got the vibes.
However, I couldn't cheat on my present BF at the time.
The othe guy invited me for a drink and I said yes and then changed my mind the day I was due to meet him and made up some excuse. He wasn't best pleased. He called me and I didn't answer. Eventually, I texted him and told him I didn't want to meet him. He replied 'not even as a friend' and I replied no, I have enough friends.
I know I was very bitchy and harsh with him and he didn't deserve that response from me.
I often think of him and wonder how he is. I broke up with my partner a few months afterwards. I do regret not meeting the guy for a drink and being friends with him.
So, if you can be friends then go for it.

LegacyUser

I went through this recently, met this amazing guy became best friends instantly, year and a half later I said I loved them and it was unrequited. it was the best friendship i had ever had so i really could not cut them out of my life it wasn't an option at all. I was very depressed for months on end and angry at them, things went sour and that's when he took me aside and we had a vey intense conversation about everything and how he can't lose me over something like this and that were are really amazing as friends as we have so much in common. Little while after that I got over my love for him and i moved on. Right now we are better friends than ever before and things are great, we are happy for each other. If she/he doesn't show interest from the start and gives you this line "lets just be friends" nearly every single time ye end up as just that. you may still carry a soft spot in your heart for them but the healthiest thing for you, your family and your friends who noticed my moods changing for the worst, is to simply get over yourself and just move on. It is not impossilbe, I thought it would be but I swear it can, has and always will be done. Just face reality.

needhelpguy

unregistered wrote: »

I went through this recently, met this amazing guy became best friends instantly, year and a half later I said I loved them and it was unrequited. it was the best friendship i had ever had so i really could not cut them out of my life it wasn't an option at all. I was very depressed for months on end and angry at them, things went sour and that's when he took me aside and we had a vey intense conversation about everything and how he can't lose me over something like this and that were are really amazing as friends as we have so much in common. Little while after that I got over my love for him and i moved on. Right now we are better friends than ever before and things are great, we are happy for each other. If she/he doesn't show interest from the start and gives you this line "lets just be friends" nearly every single time ye end up as just that. you may still carry a soft spot in your heart for them but the healthiest thing for you, your family and your friends who noticed my moods changing for the worst, is to simply get over yourself and just move on. It is not impossilbe, I thought it would be but I swear it can, has and always will be done. Just face reality.

That's the thing, I actually dated this girl for 5 months, casually. She definitely liked me and she even asked me out herself. It was obvious she fancied me, as I did her, but various things happened, I f*cked up (this was my first time truly dating a girl, so I made a lot of mistakes) and that was that. Another man is on the scene now (a mate of mine) and she is all over him. I stupidly chased her (no challenge) and eventually got the "I like you but just as friends" text. Gutted is not the word. I know exactly what you went through because I'm going through it myself!

But we work and socialise together so I just have to take it on the chin and try forget about my feelings. It's harder because the new guy is in the group now and he has told me on nights out that he'd "ride the hole off her!!" so it's pretty obvious they are going to get together. We work together so just have to be friends, plus we are great friends anyway. The pain of knowing she is all over the new guy and they are going to "ride the hole off" each other is terrible but getting less everyday.

Obviously I was doing something right because this girl was with me for a while, I wonder if I hadn't made those mistakes would we still seeing each other?? A lot of regrets there. Somewhere in my head I will always think "does she still like me that way, somewhere deep down inside?" "Is it because I hurt her?"...

Anyway I'm moving on, hard as it is. I would just be interested to know if anyone here has ever gotten out of the friendzone successfully. I imagine it does happen sometimes.

Wibbs

needhelpguy wrote: »

I would just be interested to know if anyone here has ever gotten out of the friendzone successfully. I imagine it does happen sometimes.

It does but rarely IMHO. When it does, the object of affection(usually but not always a woman) did like the guy, but something interrupted it. Either him screwing up or a new guy on the scene she liked more. Or two were friends, don't see each other for ages and then meet and you get the "Wow I never looked at him/her like that before". I'd say its damn near impossible if you're always in contact. You need some distance I reckon.

You're well in the zone at the moment. Sure sign are your feelings over the new bloke. The "I'd be so much better for her, all he wants is to ride the hole off her". Newsflash, so do you. You may put it less crassly and more romantically but that's what you want to do. Have a romantic/sexual relationship. Otherwise being her friend would be fine.

I know you cant cut contact completely in your situation, but you have to distance yourself. Try and get another unconnected social group going. More importantly ask out other women. Don't fixate on one otherwise you could miss way better women for you out there. Ones that want you romantically. And there are way better women out there for you. At the moment your mind and heart are telling you there aren't. I get that. Thats why "plenty of fish in the sea" wont resonate with you, because you want that particular fish. This will pass with distance and more experience of life and relationships and women. There are literally millions of women in the world, dont restrict yourself or waste your time on just one that doesnt feel the way you do.

Eve_Dublin

I had to give the "let´s just be friends" line to a guy about 5 months ago. I met him in a coffee shop but we work alongside each other (we teach in classrooms beside each other in the same company) and we bump into each other everyday. When I told him we should be friends, I didn´t mean it. I actually meant, "Let´s be civil instead of ending this on a bad note" and he responded, "Okay, never been friends with someone I fancy but I´ll give it a go". He still called me and I occasionally met up with him with a group of our friends. Thing is, I could still tell he liked me and I didn´t feel comfortable. I never called to arrange to meet him because I didn´t want to lead him on. That wouldn´t be fair. It wasn´t strictly a friendship. I´ve noticed recently he´d deleted me from Facebook. I was a little bit peed off for a few minutes but realised that was just my ego. He´s every right to cut me out of his life if he feels that´s the best thing for him. It´s going to be awkward when we start work again though.