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Keep thinking about ex

  • 19-07-2010 1:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    As the title says... can't stop thinking about my ex. I made the decision to break up after 6 years together and I know it was the right decision for me as I was no longer in love with him. He seemed to take the news ok at first but has since contacted me accusing me of cheating on him & saying he never wants to see or hear from me again even though I didn't cheat and he is just preferring to believe that rather than accept the truth - that I just didn't love him anymore. I can't get him out of my mind and everytime I catch myself really laughing or enjoying myself he instantly comes into my mind and I feel so awful. I feel like I have ruined his life and I'm afraid the guilt of this is never going to go away and I will never be able to be 100% happy again because of what I've put him through. I have recently started seeing someone new and I feel that our relationship will never really take off and have a real chance until I can put this to rest once and for all. Any ideas on how to overcome these feelings from anyone who has been in a similar situation would be very helpful thank you.


Comments

  • #2
    neveah
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 282 ✭✭neveah


    About 7 years ago I broke up with a bf after a 3 year relationship and I know I broke his heart at the time but it was the right thing to do because I did not love him anymore and there was no future for us.

    Recently my bf of the last 5 years dumped me. I feel hurt and angry and sad and all those emotions that go with being heartbroken and it's hard to get over it and move on but I'm getting there. Your ex will get there too.

    I guess I've experienced both sides so I can see the situation from both points of view. Give him time, his anger will subside. At the end of the day you did the right thing if you did not love him anymore. I wouldn't feel guilty, a break up is an awful situation to go through so I'm not surprised you are feeling emotional and overwhelmed. 6 years together is a long time and both of you will take time to get over the relationship and you will both deal with it in different ways.

    Are you feeling guilty because you have moved onto a new relationship? My only advice with this would be not to rub your new relationship in your ex's face, not that you are doing this but it may add to his anger, sadness etc.

    When my ex broke up with me a few months ago I found out that he started seeing someone a week after the break-up, it was devastasting and I found all this out from facebook to make matters worse. On the other hand if he knows that you have moved on, while he initially might be very upset, the fact that you are moving forward with your life will give him closure and help him move on with his.

    Relationships are tricky business. Don't beat yourself up over it. As long as you approached everything with the best intentions of everyone involved then you have nothing to feel guilty about.


  • #3
    yermandan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,068 ✭✭✭yermandan


    I would advise that you go to a counsellor to talk through this issue and gain some clarity for yourself.

    Best of luck


  • #4
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    The advice I normally give when I hear this is to remember that it was not YOU who ruined his life.

    When anyone gets involved in anything, they know the risks of it. You play sport, you risk injury. You take drugs you risk illness. You drive a car you risk crashing. You go out on the town or away on holiday you risk being mugged etc.

    Why is a relationship any different? You get into a relationship, you risk being hurt if it does not work out. We ALL go into a relationship knowing this risk exists.

    If the relationship did not work out, then that is the risk he took when he signed up for it. This is not YOUR fault. Every relationship is different and is made up of the sum of its parts… the people and circumstances involved…. And there is no way to know before getting into it how it will pan out.

    In this case it did not work out. It happens. No one is to blame in this. The relationship was made up as much out of what he brought to it as what you brought to it, and this formed a relationship that was not meant to be.

    Each of you is the better for it now. You know what aspects of it caused it not to work and you take this experience into the next relationship(s) you enter into.


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