good idea, bad idea?

LegacyUser

hey guys, i need your advice urgently..... i am 23 gay guy... still in closet, no experience with guys at all... sick of repressing my sexuality... so out of boredom, i went on gaydar, signed up- made a real slutty profile basically saying i am gaging for it (which is true in a way, i am sick of repressing my sexuality and have no outlet to explore it really where i live), i have attracted two guys who wanna hook up for some random sex... i have been so bored and horny lately, i chatted away with these guys.. now i have arranged to meet them this week... and im getting cold feet one minute, the next im secretly excited... i just feel dirty already at the thoughts of meeting up with strangers for sex, i would never have seen myself doing this, i don;t judge others , but i have always felt like i wanna wait to be in relationships for sex, but since there's no sign of one happening, im so frustrated... now i feel like it is my only option... i think i have too much time on my hands this summer and im afraid now that im gonna do something really stupid... but i have led these guys on so much all week about how much i want it, one has booked a hotel and all... what will i do? pull out or relax and take the risk...i know the guy with the hotel booked will go ballistic and fair enough i have led him on no end... god, i feel like im backed into a corner ... help me

crotalus667

you obviously dont want to do it so delete your profile , and look for a bf lads lads is less of a meat market

TylerIE

I second the above re ladslads...

I have never met anyone of the net for sex, and thankfully my first gay encounters were with people I knew and trusted, but I have a few friends whose first experiences were with weirdos they met of the net and its put them off. It put two people I myself know (and I dont know that many gay guys) back into the closet for 4 years... Each to their own, but as a first encounter it probably isnt ideal.

Edit: I spoke to a few people online and one of them (without notice) booked a flight to Dublin on a whim to meet me! I wasnt even in the city. Re the guy who booked the hotel going mad, its his tough luck. If one is using the internet for casual sex, thats the risk he takes, hes probably used to it. He can probably even get a refund (or if hes older is probably putting it down as for tax relief / company expense!!!)

Id also get a profile on here and get involved in the forum a bit. You will see the posts by a number of people in their mid twenties who are in a similar boat - and theres the possibility of casual "queer beers" next weekend...

Also if your setting up a ladslads Id get a seperate email and msn address, and perhaps even a seperate sim card in an old mobile and wouldnt give your personal details or real name to ANYBODY until you know them for some time, or perhaps even until you meet them in person. That guy I mentioned just turned up in Dublin airport, hired a car, and had he knew my full name or had my facebook, or real email, would have found my address in a few minutes. And while he wasnt a nutter (he was just too enthusiastic), theres plenty of people out there who are.

Dwn Wth Vwls

You're not obligated to have sex with someone just because they booked a hotel. Pull out now, delete the profile.

Now deal with why you're still in the closet and repressing yourself. What's stopping you coming out? What's stopping you just attending gay social events or clubs without telling anyone you're gay? It's only natural that you're feeling frustrated, you just need to take real steps towards improving things. Sex with a stranger is only going to open a whole new can of worms that you don't sound ready to deal with.

fjireland

i agree don't do it... madness to think people do this all the time, cause all it takes is to meet the wrong guy once and god knows what could happen... not meaning to scare you.... you have doubts now, so you are clearly not ready for this, even if you later decide you want to go ahead , just cancel/ delete that profile NOW and think seriously is this what i want my life to become... meeting random guys for sex, if you think it is worth risking later, then by all means sign up again and do it having carefully considered it, you need time...

but to be honest, you are better than this, everyone is, i don't wanna judge, but it is just sad to see people willing to do such dangerous things because they are frustrated/ desperate to lose their virginity... like others said, build connections/ friends in the gay community and then you can branch out safely into relationships/ sexual activity.

LookingFor

Methinks you would very much regret it afterwards.

I very much understand and sympathise with your frustration, but that often only compounds feelings of regret after the fact in my experience...

Re. the hotel and all that; umm, don't feel backed into a corner. You're under absolutely no obligation to anyone. It doesn't matter how much they're put out. Do not feel in the slightest bit guilty to walk away now if you so wish.

coolperson05

Hey,
I'd be totally against the meeting up just for sex thing because I can imagine, I don't personally know, it would be INCREDIBLY awkward and just feel awful. But I wouldn't be against online dating/meeting people. The guy I'm with I met a year and a half ago online and we were just friends for almost a year before anything happened. You can meet people for coffee or lunch or something just to see how you react the whole gay thing and dating. I know you may be "gagging" for it, but you can sort that yourself if you need to! I couldn't see a guy just randomly meeting intending to have sex being very good to help you come out. You need a friend who may/may not turn into more. Just ease into it but have fun.

TylerIE

I forgot two horror stories from years ago re people who had internet meets when I was doing my original reply.... I include a third which while bad enough wasnt quite severe!

The first, and perhaps most serious, involved two individuals who have a number of different profiles on all the gay sites. One of them arranged to meet a guy in his late teens (legal age though) in a pub for drinks. The young guy had a gf and was just curious/considering experimenting. They got on well and he went back to the guys house for an errand. I wont elaborate on reason for going back here but it certainly wasnt with the intention of getting "intimate". However when he got back the second person appeared, the boy was forcibly restrained, tied, and seriously sexually assaulted. The incident resulted naturally in huge trauma not only for the individual but for his gf, his family, etc. The individuals involved are understood to have done same before, do still have profiles, and operate in Dublin and outside. The victim in this case didnt want to go to court so no prosecution took place, and he was AFAIK considered one of the stronger ones in that he actually reported the matter and initially co-operatedwith the Gardai. Il also state that this guy is (well was) someone who could normally easily hold his own in any physical confrontation, was healthy and very physically fit and strong. Id love to post more detail but wont in order to avoid identifying any parties.


The second involved an individual (about 4 years ag) who arranged to meet with guys in their own house/apartment (ie in the victims house). Once the deed was done he would physically assault the victim, restrain them or render them unconscious and rob the house. In once instance a female housemate was seriously physically assualted also. This guy carried this out on at least four occasions, always with individuals who were closet / discreet etc. AFAIK though the victims were 40ish or more.

A friend also met a guy who had a profile stating he was 21, muscular, had moved there from America and even sent a photo... In reality it was a heavily overweight guy in his early 30s who had poor personal hygiene. Needless to say my friend RAN!

I have met people from the net for coffee and become friends with a small number, but certainly never would nor would even consider going straight home with them.

DubArk

___________________________ wrote: »

hey guys, i need your advice urgently..... i am 23 gay guy... still in closet, no experience with guys at all... sick of repressing my sexuality... so out of boredom, i went on gaydar, signed up- made a real slutty profile basically saying i am gaging for it (which is true in a way, i am sick of repressing my sexuality and have no outlet to explore it really where i live), i have attracted two guys who wanna hook up for some random sex... i have been so bored and horny lately, i chatted away with these guys.. now i have arranged to meet them this week... and im getting cold feet one minute, the next im secretly excited... i just feel dirty already at the thoughts of meeting up with strangers for sex, i would never have seen myself doing this, i don;t judge others , but i have always felt like i wanna wait to be in relationships for sex, but since there's no sign of one happening, im so frustrated... now i feel like it is my only option... i think i have too much time on my hands this summer and im afraid now that im gonna do something really stupid... but i have led these guys on so much all week about how much i want it, one has booked a hotel and all... what will i do? pull out or relax and take the risk...i know the guy with the hotel booked will go ballistic and fair enough i have led him on no end... god, i feel like im backed into a corner ... help me

It’s just NOT a safe way to meet other guys!

The thing is gaydar and other chat sites are full of guys making up profiles, just like you, so you never know who you’re chatting to. I can understand the excitement building up in your mind, with the possible encounters and all the fantasies you have probably going on, over and over in your head. But that’s what they are, FANTASIES, they’re not real. If you’re looking for anonymous closeted sex, then go somewhere safe, a sauna that is monitored and let’s face it you know what you’re getting. Your 23 which allows you the freedom to do what ever you want with other consenting adults but reading between the lines you’re not a very experienced 23yr old and that leaves you wide open to all sort of abuse.

Bad idea!