Disillusioned with people

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I just wanna put this out there and get some advice from you guys to see if anyone feels the same or can shed some light on this.

I find myself becoming increasingly disillusioned with people. It seems that nobody keeps their word anymore and are just concerned with themselves. What has brought this to a head is that recently I've been going through quite a low point in my life and I've confided in just a few people. My one friend has, for as long as I've known her, suffered from depression. She is getting better thank God but I have always been there for her, there to listen or just be, whatever she wanted. Now that I'm having a bit of difficulty, nowhere near as serious as her problem but still enought to affect my life, she couldn't care less. I told her about it and she said 'Awww' but that was it, not one phonecall, not one text, nothing. This makes me sad.

I can count on one hand the number of good friends I have and I know I'm damn lucky to have them, they're great! I'm trusting with everyone but seem to get walked all over by certain people, they're the kind of people that you might not hear from unless you contact them etc I mean it is me? It's just really getting me down. Does everyone just do what suits them? I've just moved to a new city and the thoughts of going making new friends is so scary and I'm like why bother when you just get s**t on?

Smyth

Welcome to the world OP. Count yourself lucky that you have a few reliable friends.

I totally understand where you're coming from though. In the end you just feel like saying "fúck 'em all" and in essence you become more like them.

It's a terribly vicious circle. Hold out hope that there are people out there that are decent. Few and far between though. You'll just have to wade through the ****é first though.

Cullen82

justme? wrote: »

Hi all,

I just wanna put this out there and get some advice from you guys to see if anyone feels the same or can shed some light on this.

I find myself becoming increasingly disillusioned with people. It seems that nobody keeps their word anymore and are just concerned with themselves. What has brought this to a head is that recently I've been going through quite a low point in my life and I've confided in just a few people. My one friend has, for as long as I've known her, suffered from depression. She is getting better thank God but I have always been there for her, there to listen or just be, whatever she wanted. Now that I'm having a bit of difficulty, nowhere near as serious as her problem but still enought to affect my life, she couldn't care less. I told her about it and she said 'Awww' but that was it, not one phonecall, not one text, nothing. This makes me sad.

I can count on one hand the number of good friends I have and I know I'm damn lucky to have them, they're great! I'm trusting with everyone but seem to get walked all over by certain people, they're the kind of people that you might not hear from unless you contact them etc I mean it is me? It's just really getting me down. Does everyone just do what suits them? I've just moved to a new city and the thoughts of going making new friends is so scary and I'm like why bother when you just get s**t on?

You're certainly not alone in thinking along these lines OP !

For a start people that don't listen to you, either don't give a s$%t about you or else they're too busy thinking of themselves....everyone should know this secret!

LighterGuy

Op, its the world we live in.
A person could make a big long reply about people.

To sum it up in one (and im sorry for using the pouncy word "value"):

To your average person, other people either have "value" or they dont ... basically "value" is what you can do for me. Its the basis of everything, Jobs, friendships and relationships are all based upon it.

The majority of people are self-centred. Only caring about themselves. Not caring who they upset or hurt. As Smyth said: "It's a terribly vicious circle" - nice people can turn bad in this world.



as for advice in your situation (which is basically every situation in life) you were there for your friend. your friend wanted to share her problem. but when it comes to someone elses (yours) she didnt care. Again, its the whole what you can do for me, not what I can do for you.

You know the really sad part of my post? i said the words "majority" ... while "everyone" would of been a better term.

On a sidenote, i shake my head sometimes at the advice people give on this board. All pc answers. No realistic answers. All i know is, the users above me. They're leaving in the real world Op, we're all alone. Its sad.

LegacyUser

Op, it`s not just you. I`ve been feeling this way lately as well. Had that exact experience with a "friend" a few years back. I was there for here through thick and thin and yet when I needed her she dissapeared and worse,later on ditched me as a friend and then led everyone to belive I ditched her!
Just one example, but it`s happened to me many a time and you just end up feeling so taken advantage of.
It does seem that people who genuinly care for their "freinds" are golden and rare.

Sound Bite

OP, nothing new. The vast majority of people are like that but there are two or three decent people in most people's lives that will be there for them no matter what and really, two or three good ones is all anyone needs.

nyarlothothep

I think the conception that most people are self centred in a totalistic sense is misguided, in that the type of people you choose to associate with and your behaviour around them will shape your perception of the world. If your too "giving" so to speak then of course you will feel hurt. Some people by not getting back to you may not mean any harm, they could have their own problems or just not realize. I have a suspicion that most people can't think for themselves or rebel against unjustified structures of authority but I believe that there is an innate positivity in humanity, otherwise we'd still be living under a king and queen with inquisitions. In other words the future isn't decided yet, the real world is what you make of it, you may choose to play a part in shaping it for future generations and it doesn't have to be a bad place. In another respect the greater defiance, the greater victory is not to become dissolusioned with people, however many there are who are untrustworthy. I'd just be more circumspect in my dealings with others.

LegacyUser

OP you could be reading my mind! I have been through so many "friends" over the years, been there for them through thick and thin, would have done anything for them, and then been let down by them or blown off when I needed them in return. Each time I would cut said friend out of my life and move on. Only the same thing would happen again with the next person. And the next. And the next. Only now have I realised that it is all people (virtually) who are like this and all I have done by cutting them out is left myself without a friend in the world.

Maybe I expect too much but people have constantly let me down my whole life and done things to me that I would never do to them. I don't get it. My mam always says to me that "people are ba***rds" and the more you do for someone "sh1t is your thanks" and it's true. But I reckon if I'm like this (and you're like this OP) then there must be a few others out there who are like us too and who aren't bas***ds! It's just the impossible task of finding them. I haven't had any luck so far and believe me I've been trying for years. If I think about it too much I will cry.

jurgenscarl

People are people.
They are mixtures of good and bad.
You want people to conform with some sort of angelic ideal that doesn't exist.
Every human relationship is about quid pro quo.
You seriously need to get over yourself and start playing the game.
What you are doing is upturning the chess board because the game isn't going your way.

Little Miss Lady

Hi Op,

I feel for you and it is hard when you are feeling low and people you thought would be there for you aren't.
The thing you have to realise about life is just because you would do something for someone or be there for them does not mean at all that they will be there for you in your time of need.
It's not necessary an intentional thing just that some people may just be preoccupied with what's going on in their own lives for example children, family, work problems and is no reflection on you.

I think it's a lovely trait to have that you are able to be there and listen and try to help someone when they are going to a bad time..
Not everyone can do that so try and take heart in that.
best of luck moving to the new city

gagiteebo

jurgenscarl wrote: »

People are people.
They are mixtures of good and bad.
You want people to conform with some sort of angelic ideal that doesn't exist.
Every human relationship is about quid pro quo.
You seriously need to get over yourself and start playing the game.
What you are doing is upturning the chess board because the game isn't going your way.

This is the personal issues forum, people come in here when they genuinely need advice or help. Your comment serves no purpose in helping the OP or anyone else in a similar situation. If you really feel the need to be nasty or have a bit of a rant then go to ranting and raving or AH or failing that you could take your own advice and 'get over yourself'. Are you this much of a hardass in real life....cop on.

Chuchoter

98% of the population are idiotic, bigoted, self-centred and mean. Deal with it and remember there is still that 2% of people who are nice, you just have to go look for them. Myself recently I've been realizing everyone (being about 3 people) I cared about and trusted is just not a nice person, and now its my job to go off and find new friends.

Zen65

crayolastereo wrote: »

98% of the population are idiotic, bigoted, self-centred and mean.

Maybe I've just been lucky, but I have not found this to be true. I know of only a few people who are truly selfish and mean.

Most people are genuinely trying to make their own way in life, and they give as much of themselves as they believe they can. I know several people who have left their good jobs to work abroad in poorer countries, to help in the Sudan, in Haiti, in Romania and other places. They have done this at great cost to themselves, and for no financial gain.

When I think back to times when I did not get the help I needed from friends and loved ones, if I'm honest, I would have to admit that most of the time I did not ask for that help, I just assumed my friends would know I needed it. But none of my friends read minds, and neither do I.

Be at peace,


Z

LighterGuy

jurgenscarl wrote: »

People are people.
They are mixtures of good and bad.
You want people to conform with some sort of angelic ideal that doesn't exist.
Every human relationship is about quid pro quo.
You seriously need to get over yourself and start playing the game.
What you are doing is upturning the chess board because the game isn't going your way.

Have to agree with gagiteebo. Your post adds nothing.
In fact, i'd put a money on you are the type of person who when ever does anything wrong on others will justify it with "well, thats life". Or perhaps the ever popular "I didnt do anything wrong, they did XXX, they were in the wrong" ...

Zen65 wrote: »

.......Most people are genuinely trying to make their own way in life, and they give as much of themselves as they believe they can. I know several people who have left their good jobs to work abroad in poorer countries, to help in the Sudan, in Haiti, in Romania and other places. They have done this at great cost to themselves, and for no financial gain....

You're right. It was not for financial gain. But sadly their gain was experience/living a little/getting away. It wasnt about helping others. Sure some people are selfless but the majority of the same people who help in other countries would walk past someone with a mcdonalds cup on the ha'penny bridge looking for change. Why? ... there is no gain from giving the change in their pockets.

Thornography

justme? wrote: »

Now that I'm having a bit of difficulty, nowhere near as serious as her problem but still enought to affect my life, she couldn't care less. I told her about it and she said 'Awww' but that was it, not one phonecall, not one text, nothing. This makes me sad.

Walk a mile in this person's shoes. I assure you this post wouldn't be on boards afterword's.

Ye people are dick's. But for the select, unfortunate few with genuine problems, have enough on their plate without having to deal with other people and their spewing of self-righteous ****e. Lay off said people, cause they don't deserve it.

Eve_Dublin

Wow. Those agreeing with the OP must be awful judges of character! Seriously....I know a handful of truly nasty people who were never in my life to begin with...as soon as I suspected they weren´t very nice, they got cut out of my life. I have the greatest bunch of friends and a fantastic family. I must be living in some parallel universe where I´m only surrounded by good people. The rest don´t get a look in.

People are busy in the modern world, it doesn´t make them bad people!

trinacheile

Peoplesuck! wrote: »

OP you could be reading my mind! I have been through so many "friends" over the years, been there for them through thick and thin, would have done anything for them, and then been let down by them or blown off when I needed them in return. Each time I would cut said friend out of my life and move on. Only the same thing would happen again with the next person. And the next. And the next. Only now have I realised that it is all people (virtually) who are like this and all I have done by cutting them out is left myself without a friend in the world.

Maybe I expect too much but people have constantly let me down my whole life and done things to me that I would never do to them. I don't get it. My mam always says to me that "people are ba***rds" and the more you do for someone "sh1t is your thanks" and it's true. But I reckon if I'm like this (and you're like this OP) then there must be a few others out there who are like us too and who aren't bas***ds! It's just the impossible task of finding them. I haven't had any luck so far and believe me I've been trying for years. If I think about it too much I will cry.

OMG (Peoplesuck and OP), I think you are both mirror images of me... Loads of similar experiences, had a terrible, terrible experience with a person who I thought was my friend in my teens and it's affected me ever since. I cut her out of my life and moved on...but since then I've singlehandedly cut all of my friends out of my life. I feel conflicted because what would happen is that I would say nothing and bite back the hurt everytime they did something mean to me but eventually the can of worms would just explode and I would stop being their friends. So now I spend all of my time wondering if I can't maintain a friendship or my standards are too high am I the big problem?? Or have I just been reeeaaally unfortunate in the friendships I've had.... It's hard to say....