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Boyfriend's Fantasies

  • 16-07-2010 9:40pm
    #1
    eulB_x
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 50 ✭✭


    Hey there,

    I am having a massive fight with my boyfriend over a variety of things. He has done some wrong things and hurt me a lot but has apologised and promised he'd never do it again. Although I am hurt I am trying to get over it and need him to help me but..

    Today, we had a discussion about what he thinks about when he masturbates (I know you should never talk about it) and it isn't me. I find this wrong and can't bear knowing he thinks about other girls even though I know that that's considered 'normal'. I feel so weird and wrong. He says he won't talk to me until I accept it and if I don't he will break up with me.

    What am I supposed to do? Please help me!:(:confused:


Comments

  • #2
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    You are worrying yourself without reason OP.

    People think about the strangest things when they masturbate. It would not be natural to think about the one person every time. Of course it wouldn't!

    Seriously, you are causing yourself totally unnecessary worry and angst. You can't surely think about him every time you masturbate do you?

    While a lot of girls get off on erotic fiction or recalling certain scenarios or porn, guys will get themselves off on the same but also the dinner-lady at work, Mary Harney on the 6 o'clock news, some minger on the DART with a low top. It means NOTHING. It doesn't mean he thinks less of you or loves you any less OP. It's a great release. It's fun. It doesn't mean he wants to cheat on you or love you any less. It's just the way things are.

    If he thought about every time he wanked it would actually be a little creepy tbh....!


  • #3
    eulB_x
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 50 ✭✭eulB_x


    Hi Miss Fluff,

    Thanks for your reassurance and for helping me understand better.

    I honestly do just think of him but then again I am a girl and my mind is obviously going to work differently to his because he is a man.

    I am really just starting to learn how the minds of men work. It's a difficult process and I know that I just have to accept it.

    Thanks again!


  • #4
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    Aww, that's no problem. You are worrying unnecessarily on this issue though so no need to. I can understand why on the face of it you might feel a little insecure but I can guarantee you 100% of men don't think about their partners 100% of the time when getting themselves off so what he is doing is perfectly natural.


  • #5
    fungun
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,120 ✭✭✭fungun


    its totally normal.

    would it help that the corollary is that many men are thinking of you when they masturbate? :)


  • #6
    jurgenscarl
    Closed Accounts Posts: 184 ✭✭jurgenscarl


    There's nothing wrong about sex unless of course it's animals or children.
    It's just about what you do and what you don't do.
    10pc of the population are homosexual - a hell of a lot of guys who are supposedly macho, are married and have kids are living a lie.
    A lot of the girls not just the stereotypical butch girls with the shaved head and dungarees are closet lesbians.
    Lots of guys secretly try on their girlfriend's or wife's underwear and wear them at work and love the risk of getting caught out.
    Some married couples act out sexual fantasies while the kids are safely at school. A classic is the thief overpowered by a sexually frustrated housewife and tied to the bed.
    Plenty of friendly couples swap partners on holidays.
    I could go on and on.
    It's all perfectly normal.
    Just abandon your hangups and enjoy your sex life.
    Life is too short.


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    eulB_x wrote: »
    Today, we had a discussion about what he thinks about when he masturbates (I know you should never talk about it) and it isn't me. I find this wrong and can't bear knowing he thinks about other girls even though I know that that's considered 'normal'. I feel so weird and wrong. He says he won't talk to me until I accept it and if I don't he will break up with me.

    There's no harm in his fantasies.

    He sounds like a bit of an idiot though. You say you don't like something and he tells you he won't talk to you until you accept his view, and if you don't he'll break up with you? That doesn't sound like a good relationship. He sounds like a bully, and you're enabling him to bully you.

    If that was said to me, I'd be gone quicker than a bullet from a gun and look for someone who knows how to compromise, and talk things through instead of issuing ultimatums


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