Grieving for others?

allandanyways

I find this hard to explain so bear with me.

My mam is extraordinary. She's so talented and so loving and just a fantastic person overall. She's always so strong and so happy and she does so much for my family.

Her sister died 15 years ago in horrific circumstances (I don't even want to go into it here) when I was quite young. I don't remember anything of the time around when she died but my dad has since informed me that I've probably blocked it out because my mam was so devastated. He said that my mam was in such a bad way when my aunt died that it was worse for him than when his own dad died.

She has dealt with what happened more or less, and she remembers her sister fondly now but she can't go down to the grave, nobody in our family can and she doesn't talk about the year before my aunt died either (probably regretting arguments and things like that knowing she died so suddenly).

I'm still so angry though, for my mam. I see it in her eyes that it's so painful for her to remember my aunt when the two of them were growing up and I see how much she misses her. She has told me before that she is at peace with what happened, but when it comes up to her anniversary and her birthday, I can see that my mam is still grieving.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has experiences like this, of grieving for someone else. It's so hard to see someone you love so much grieve and know that there is absolutely nothing you can do for them. I don't want to sound like I'm belittling other people's grief because obviously it's a million times more difficult when you have to deal with the death of someone close to you, and my sister thinks I'm ridiculous for getting upset for Mam sometimes but it's just so unfair that my mam had to go through that and she lost her sister so young.

Am I making sense here or is this just me caring about my Mam? Ugh sorry for the rant, I just had a bad night last night (was sorting out photo albums) and it's been on my mind all day.

dollydimples82

its only natural to want to protect the ones you love. You know when your mam is upset and it hurts you, Thats normal, it shows you care for your mam. Unfortunately for your mam she is blocking herself from closure for some reason. She should really go to see your aunts grave, just been there and saying a prayer every so often can be comforting. Your mam is grieving and probably will til the day she dies but whatever is holding her back really needs to be looked at. Did she ever go to conselling?