How should I read this situation

sleeplessin

Hi folks, haven't been on here much before but I have a bit of a situation on my hands and can't read it/ figure out what to do. Would love to hear some different perspectives.

So, last Friday I went for drinks after work with a girl from the office. I'm new here and she works in HR, had helped out with my induction etc. I figured we'd have maybe 1 or 2 then head our separate ways but we ended up staying out until 3 in the morning. We had some great conversation and I really started to like her as we got on really well. We both got pretty drunk (in fact there are a lot of scenes missing) and at one point I vaguely remember trying to kiss her only to be greeted with a red card (can't remember what she said). Anyway, continued on for about another hour and I walked her home, said goodbye and that was it. The next day I was pretty chuffed as it was a great night so I called her and left a voicemail thanking her for a good time. She phoned me back about 6 on Saturday saying she also had a good time and to let her know where I was going that night as we might meet up later (she was going out with her girlfriends). I phoned her after 12 but she didn't answer so I left a vm telling her where I was but didn't hear back.

So on Tuesday I met her in the office, she was having lunch with one of her friends so I sat down for a bit of a chat. She was really distant and seemed disinterested so I talked mostly to her friend, it was quite awkward.

My question is what should I do, I can't seem to get her off my mind as I'm thinking maybe we could have something here. The fact that she was prepared to stay out with me on Friday for so long is the killer, if it was just a friendly drink then home I probably wouldn't read too much into it. I was quite surprised with how cold she was when we met in work.

I really just want to know if I should pursue this any further or should I take her disposure in work as a hint to stay away?

All comments welcome, particularly the female view.

Ickle Magoo

Okay, so she sounded pretty keen and wanted to know where you were going to be on the Saturday before she went out so you could meet - and you called after midnight to tell her where you were? Do you think she could have interpreted your vm as a bootycall rather than a date or being interested in her? Especially after the red-card for the kiss the previous night?

If you really like her, give her plenty of notice where you will be or even ask her out specifically once more and then leave the ball in her court?

sleeplessin

Fair point, although I did mention the name of the club that I would be at when she called then called to say that I had arrived. I was at a party outside the city and did tell her that I wasn't going to be in the city until after 11.30

newtothis2010

the posters are possibly right, and it was a little late to be telling her where ya were... ya shoulda let her know before ya went out, doesn't mean ye'd have met early but it would have opened comms..

also remember, being 'distant' in work may not be a slight against you...

she's in HR, she has a job to do and its possible 9-5 she is professional and perhaps went slightly overboard in the 'disinterested' look with you as she deffo doesn't want the job finding out she is involved/interested/courting/kissing an employee .. i wouldn't read anything into that to be honest.. I dated girls in work and I swear they looked through me in the office after sharing breakfast in bed that morning!

get your new crew together for drinks tomorrow night and be sure to casually mention it to her that thats whats happening.. see how she acts outside of the office... that'll answer any questions you have regarding her level of interest!

Beruthiel

sleeplessin wrote: »

I'm new here and she works in HR.

Am I the only one who thinks that if you have just started a new job then you should be keeping your nose clean until you get the lie of the land?
Personally, there's no way I would try to get involved with someone at a job I just started.

Millie

Well it could be a case that you didn't call until midnight but if you told her you would be at a party until late that night then I don't think that could be the case that she has the hump.

Drinking til 3am on Friday, that could simply have been that she got the taste of more after a drink or two & was enjoying the night and the company but not necessarily have been into you.
Getting the red card when you tried to kiss her would suggest this to me.

Ickle Magoo

Beruthiel wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks that if you have just started a new job then you should be keeping your nose clean until you get the lie of the land?
Personally, there's no way I would try to get involved with someone at a job I just started.

Depends on the size of the company...in a smaller office I wouldn't date anyone regardless but I've dated colleagues in much bigger companies, where different departments were in different buildings and you only see each other/speak to each other in a professional capacity once in a blue moon or at lunch/breaks.

Overheal

The fact that she was prepared to stay out with me on Friday for so long is the killer

She's a woman, not a Gremlin. Keeping her up past midnight doesnt contract her into sex or anything remotely of the sort. You think its possible she just wanted to have a good time platonically?

oddsocks2010

twelve was a bit late to be calling,she probably spent the night checking & checking her phone wondering why you didnt text earlier etc...(I'm a girl..trust me I know)

keep your work meetings professional and see what happens outside of work, otherwise it could get messy!

sleeplessin

Thanks for the comments folks

@Beruthiel: Glad you brought this up, I'm not really sure about the whole relationship at work thing but I'm not really worried about getting the lay of the land. Work is work and I wouldn't like to pass on getting together with someone that I could fall in love with for the sake of a job.

@Overheal: I'm not suggesting all women are cinderalla types but rather making the point that if she had left earlier it would have been a sign that she wasn't interested. Its definitely possible that she wanted to have a good time plationically but I'm hoping thats not the case and I guess I'd like to figure out whether she's interested or not.

@oddsocks & newtothis: some solid advice thanks.

I was thinking of inviting her to dinner this weekend. What do you think of this as a second date and would it be better to invite her over the phone or by text? I don't mind either but I'd like to understand what girls' preferences would be.

Thanks for taking the time, this is really helpful.

Ask her to dinner. See what she says, you'll have a better reading of the situation then. Good luck

Good Advice

hey op...god imagine after starting your job your out so late with this girl from hr, ha, some job i think your playing with fire here keep it casual until your settled in ,god forbid something goes wrong and your left the talk of the office and your only new..

jurgenscarl

I think she probably regrets getting too close with a newbie.
It's not really very professional and word does get around so having a relationship with you is going to complicate work.
You should learn to be more discreet.
Arrange to meet her in neutral location away from a possible collision with people from work and talk to her about the situation.
When you went for the kiss you both had drank a bit and maybe she thinks that's all it was.
So talk to her and clear the air.

sleeplessin

Right, we're back in business. Dinner date arranged for Monday, she seemed pretty happy

@Good Advice: I agree this could be a big mistake but I really don't care about being the talk of the office. Better to have loved and lost....

@jurgenscarl: I've seen some of your posts on other threads and you seem to be on the money. I think she would probably like to draw a line between work and social which is fair enough.

Thanks to everyone for your advice, it's been really helpful. Wish me luck

Katgurl

oh great!

best of luck OP, hope you have a brilliant time.

sleeplessin

Ok, so just got back from dinner which was awesome. The more I talk to this girl the more I'm attracted to her. We left with a kiss on the cheek and 'will be in touch'. I walked away with this happy feeling that I don't think I've ever experienced before.

So you get the message, I really like this girl and want to see her again. The fact that I haven't even kissed her properly makes her more attractive. I'm about to go on holidays for a couple of weeks but will meet up with her when I get back. Question is should I try to maintain contact with her while I'm on holidays, maybe a few texts or is it too early for that?

php-fox

sleeplessin wrote: »

Ok, so just got back from dinner which was awesome. The more I talk to this girl the more I'm attracted to her. We left with a kiss on the cheek and 'will be in touch'. I walked away with this happy feeling that I don't think I've ever experienced before.

So you get the message, I really like this girl and want to see her again. The fact that I haven't even kissed her properly makes her more attractive. I'm about to go on holidays for a couple of weeks but will meet up with her when I get back. Question is should I try to maintain contact with her while I'm on holidays, maybe a few texts or is it too early for that?

Man, you've got some job!
You got with the HR lady in the first week, and now you're going on holidays!
Did you get hired by God for paradise reception work or something?

6th

php-fox, please refrain from unhelpful and off-topic posting.

LegacyUser

hi there,
I read the whole thread, and delighted that you invited the girl out again, and had a great time. I think you should definetly text her from time to time, just letting her know you are thinking about her, you dont have to text everyday...but let her know you are still interested. I remember I only start seeing this guy and he went on holidays with the lads, and I was delighted to get a text from him..so yes I would.
best of luck...love a happy ending..:-)

sleeplessin wrote: »

Ok, so just got back from dinner which was awesome. The more I talk to this girl the more I'm attracted to her. We left with a kiss on the cheek and 'will be in touch'. I walked away with this happy feeling that I don't think I've ever experienced before.

So you get the message, I really like this girl and want to see her again. The fact that I haven't even kissed her properly makes her more attractive. I'm about to go on holidays for a couple of weeks but will meet up with her when I get back. Question is should I try to maintain contact with her while I'm on holidays, maybe a few texts or is it too early for that?

Millie

Yayyy, that's brilliant news and you seem very smitten...what a great feeling that is

I'd say she would be more than happy to receive the odd text from you when you are on hols, so go for it.