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Help I feel lost

  • 14-07-2010 11:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey people, Well here is goes lol

    I am having so much trouble in my life at the moment. Every girl I want or fancy seems to end up getting a fella or is just not intrested in me atall.

    There was this girl I got talking to a few weeks ago while I was walking my dog ( of all times right) . She was real friendly and well I thought flirty. Anyway I am so shy that I forget to ask for her number and I have been walking around the last few weeks like a mad man hoping to bump into her again.. Anyway tonight I bumped into her kissing the face off another fella. I have never felt so bad in all my life. What made it worse was that she was a different girl to the rest she was very smart and funny and someone I know I would have got on with.

    I am in a similar situation with another girl she was really nice,friendly ect.. and 2 weeks ago i found out she was engaged.



    The real problem is I suppose is that I feel everyones life is moving on except mine. All my friends have girlfriends ect...

    I really have been feeling so down about this that a few night I have even considered hurting myself. Weird as I have never had thoughts like that in my life EVER.........


    CAN ANYONE HELP ME MOVE ON OR GIVE ME ADVICE??


Comments

  • #2
    Mackman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,810 ✭✭✭Mackman


    what do i do? wrote: »
    The real problem is I suppose is that I feel everyones life is moving on except mine. All my friends have girlfriends ect...

    Not everyone's life is, there are many people like yourself out there. I was one of them. I had this ability to be attracted to women who were in relationships. But i didnt let it get me down, now im engaged.
    Stick with it, there are plenty of single, nice women out there. Maybe if you looked in different places? Join a club? Go speed dating? try internet dating?
    what do i do? wrote: »
    I really have been feeling so down about this that a few night I have even considered hurting myself. Weird as I have never had thoughts like that in my life EVER........

    What would that achieve? Absolutely nothing.


  • #3
    Micahelxcx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 113 ✭✭Micahelxcx


    I get the impression you are young. Shyness is a huge barrier to meeting people and getting on with them.
    I suppose you have to remember that NOT every girl you meet or chat with is a potential girlfriend for you. She may be not interested in you or, indeed, going out with any guy at that time. She may have a boyfriend already or she may be engaged or married!
    So, don't view every meeting with a girl as a potential relationship in the making.
    I think you should relax a bit when you are out. If you meet a girl while walking your talk and she takes time to chat with you, she may well be just friendly and outgoing. Best to smile, laugh, chat and be nice and friendly back. Don't ask her out there and then. Maybe when heading off after yor chat say something like 'sure I might see you around here again, I often go walking here'. That's enough to let her know you like her and are interested in her. And if she is feeling likewise, she will accidentally on purpose turn up at the same time in the future hoping to meet you.

    I think you need to work on your shyness. It shouldn't be a barrier to meeting and going out with a girl. Some guys are the life and soul of the party, but not every girl will fancy them or want to go out with them.

    Lots of girls like the quiet, reclusive guy. He's a mystery and they want to get to know him!

    I would join a club - walking, cycling, book, gym anyting that gets you out there meeting people. Work on developing your self confidence. Ask yourself what are your hobbies or interests. Practice chatting to a girl. Imagine she is sitting there beside you. What would you say, how would you make her laugh? The more you practice this situation, the more confident you will be when you do meet her.

    Don't come across as being desperate or negative. Lots of guys make negative comments about life in general, hobbies, interests, sports. They think they are know-alls cos they have something negative to say about everything. They turn girls off.

    Remember the song 'girls just want to have fun', So play along with that.
    Don't be too serious. There's plenty of time to get serious. But an initial half a dozen dates should be all about getting to know one another, finding out more about each other and just having a laugh.

    Don't fret. Things will work for you, I'm sure of it.


  • #4
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    what do i do? wrote: »
    The real problem is I suppose is that I feel everyones life is moving on except mine. All my friends have girlfriends ect...

    Another important note is not to judge your life along side those of others. No matter how fast things go, how much you get paid, or how good it all is there will always be someone out there faster/better paid or whatever.

    You need to judge your life in terms of your own goals, and live it in terms of achieving those goals. YOUR goals, not those of others.

    You simply can not compare your life to that of others. It is not a useful, nor a sane measuring system. Everyone is different and everyone’s lives are paced different and come out different. Live for you, at your pace and by your standards, not those you see in others.

    I have one friend who travels a lot with work and at age 30 he is still single. He has slept with maybe 3 or 4 girls in his life, and has never officially been going out with any of them. He is still a happy guy. He is not judging his life in terms of his college friends, many of whom are now married and with kids. He has his own plans, his own pace and his own goals.

    As long as you are trying to live other peoples life and not your own, you will never be happy.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    sunflower27 wrote: »

    Dont be thinking too much about what your friends have.

    I think you need to work on your self esteem. You sound young - your time will come and you are more likely to meet someone when you are confident in yourself and happy.

    You'll be fine, take the pressure off yourself and dont focus on 'having someone' just because your mates do!

    Thanks for the replies people. I quoted this post because it's similar to the others.

    I agree 100% with the self esteem thing and yes I am young enough I am just 18. You said
    ''Dont be thinking too much about what your friends have'' I take that advice on board but it really is hard when everyone around you seem to be having a great time in relationships ect.. Everytime I hear people who are going out together well it pushes me over the edge. I really can't understand how relationships work. I mean I know several good looking smart girl who are going out with scumbags and even drug dealers. I have plenty going for me really I have a handy job,nice little motor, really friendly but yet I still feel like I have f**k all.


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