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Single Father Advice

  • 14-07-2010 4:50pm
    #1
    kellyj77
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 188 ✭✭


    I have recently finished with my girlfriend and we hav a baby of 10 months.

    How often should i be expected to take the baby. I take him every second/day and night. Usually it works out more than that. The mother dumps him on me non stop. To make matters worse she has another kid for another man who ran away. Now that baby she dumps every night with her mother as she lives there. I feel this is horrible.

    I am actively looking for employment and continuously have interviews however she hounds me to take the baby all the time. She also demanding i pay maintenance which i dont because she wastes it so instead i buy the babies stuff and tell her she should give me maintenance as i have the baby equal/more. How much am i expected to pay

    Btw found out she was cheating the whole way along


Comments

  • #2
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Her cheating as nothing to do with mainatnce.
    I gather that as you said girlfriend you were not married to her so that means currently you have not legal rights what so ever.

    Is your name on the brithcert?
    Do you have guardianship?
    You need to figure out what rights you do have or not and how to go about them.
    http://www.treoir.ie/

    If you have broken up she may not be coping so well and her mother is taking the child while she figures things out, which is being suportive and if it's not your child then honestly it's not your concern.

    Do you want custody of your child or joint custody?

    There is no expected amount to be paid, ideally it should be half the cost of the baby.

    I know it is hard to separate out the issues re the child about how you feel about the mother and the hurt and upset and anger you feel but you have to.


  • #3
    smelltheglove
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,503 ✭✭✭smelltheglove


    Honestly I dont know what way to take this, I mean the behaviour you described sounds terrible but you dont paint yourself in the best of light saying she dumps the child on you every second day. I may be being harsh here and this may not be what you intended but this is how it comes across to me.

    Do you want to spend time with your child this way? Are you glad to have the baby so often, if so would you apply for guardianship and custody? If you do in fact feel the child is being dumped on you and you do not want to have the baby over so much then you need to sort this out with the mother and come to an arrangement whereby both of you are satisfied.

    The courts allow maintenance to the primary carer, i.e. the person who supplies the roof over the babies head, (ok you say she lives with her mother but they will assume she is paying her share of bills and rent) if the baby lives with the mother then the maintenance should go to the mother. Having said that if it is a 50 50 care I am not entirely sure what way the maintenance would work.


  • #4
    kellyj77
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 188 ✭✭kellyj77


    its a case of getting abusive phone calls telling me to take the baby . I love taking him not a bother. Enjoying it while looking for a job and have the time. Its i feel its not good for the baby. I heard a baby at that age should be with his mother and brother most of the time bonding?

    She doesnt pay a cent in terms of bills. All the money she gets goes on clothes/tan/drink. Then i get phone calls again abusive saying the baby has no food nappies etc which i buy most of the time. Now she says she wants maintenance on top of that but i know she would just waste it and i have very little as i am not working and not getting anything yet of the government yet.


  • #5
    smelltheglove
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,503 ✭✭✭smelltheglove


    kellyj77 wrote: »
    its a case of getting abusive phone calls telling me to take the baby . I love taking him not a bother. Enjoying it while looking for a job and have the time. Its i feel its not good for the baby. I heard a baby at that age should be with his mother and brother most of the time bonding?

    She doesnt pay a cent in terms of bills. All the money she gets goes on clothes/tan/drink. Then i get phone calls again abusive saying the baby has no food nappies etc which i buy most of the time. Now she says she wants maintenance on top of that but i know she would just waste it and i have very little as i am not working and not getting anything yet of the government yet.

    If you are not working the courts would only order a small amount in maintenance. Could you offer to buy weekly food and nappies upfront every week? Or if she is asking for money for the house offer to give it direct to her mother? These are only options for you. Re. bonding time, I think it is important for the child to bond with both parents not just the mother at a young age. I am a mother but being raised by my dad I believe fathers should have as much rights as mothers. If you enjoy having the child around and you feel he would be better off with you then you should start looking into obtaining guardianship and custody.


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