Why am I still thinking about my ex?

LegacyUser

Hey,

Could anyone just maybe shed some light on why I might be thinking like this as I dont get it and its starting to wreck my head.

I broke up with my ex over a year and a half ago, Like everyone else, the beginning of our relationship was perfect, had so much fun and the sex was unbelievable. Towards the end of our relationship, he totally changed, turned out he was a complete ass and treated me really badly. I started to realise this and met some one else whilst not completely finishing with him first. It was a VERY bad breakup. (we had been going out for 2 and a half years)

Anyway, when I got together with my new boyfriend, my ex started hassling me saying he wanted me back, promised he'd change but to be honest he had behaved really awful towards me that I just couldnt forget ( normally I would always get back with him, we were constantly on and off) I said that i'd still like to remain friends with him just because we live in a really small town and I didnt want any bad atmosphere between us, we have the same friends etc. It took awhile for him to get used to the fact that we definetly werent going to get together, it took nearly a year to be honest, he would constantly text me begging me etc. The last couple of months, he has gotten alot better, he wouldnt text so much about getting back, he would just chat away normally, what u get upto at weekend etc.

In the meantime, I have still been with the same guy and im so so so happy, we now have a child together and to me, we're the perfect little family. The thing is.... even though I would never in a million years get back with my ex, I still kinda think about him, not in a sexual way, like I dont even have the desire to kiss him or anything but im still interested in what he's doing, who he's seeing. I still look at his Facebook page and look up girls that he chats to, If i dont hear from him in a week, I feel kinda weird or something, constantly checking my phone. I would never text him first and sometimes I hardly ever text him back at all, I know he goes out every wk end and he's with different girls and im not jealous either but I still feel sad or something when I dont hear from him, its like I want to know what he's doing with his life, about work, family, friends but I shouldnt really care should I? Especially when he treated me really bad?

Why am i feeling like this?

deniseryan

because you are human, i am married with 2 boys and i still think of my ex.

Entirely normal OP. I am in the happiest relationship I can possibly imagine right now yet I still think of some of my exs, whether I lost them as in one case to bereavement or whether I broke up with them or them with me.

Once you let someone into your heart once they stay there forever, no matter where they go or how the relationship ends up. Every relationship changes you and the you that exists today is partly made up of people you have been close to and how they changed you.

In other words the reason you think of the ex in this way is that even today that person makes up part of who you are today. Wondering why you think of exs is like wondering why you suddenly sometimes out of nowhere start thinking of old school friends or formative moments in school. You have to think of these things. It is part of who you are.

newtothis2010

exes seem to always harbour on the fringes of our mind, I guess with you being in the same social circle if I read it right and hearing from him means he is at the forefront of your mind... if you don't want to be feeling like this then cut him off for a while, you seem to have a great new life now so concentrate on that, take the time you are thinking about ex and put that energy into your new man and child...

I wouldnt' worry too much that you're harbouring deep seated feelings for him, its normal enough behaviour, I do it too a year and half on though she is absolutely no longer in my life in any regard, but I do have moments of 'I wonder'...

just my 2 cents..

LegacyUser

Yeah fair enough but I have 2 other ex's and I think about them normally but my last ex, I feel the need to be in touch with him, I want to know who he's seeing and what he's upto? If I dont hear from him, I feel weird about it but yet no way at all i wany him back.

My previous ex to this lasted 5 years and this one was only 2 years so if it were just a normal reaction surely I would feeling the same way about all my ex's and not just this one?

LegacyUser

Thanks guys,

I sent a reply back to denise before the other 2 replies came up but it hasnt appeared yet... but after seein the other replies, think im starting to realise then it must be normal, I was just feeling guilty because im with my new boyfriend and I couldnt bare the thoughts of him thinking about his ex and wanting to keep in touch with her just for the sake of keeping in touch.

I still think its a little weird but maybe im looking for drama/meaning that isnt there.

thanks anyway!

AnonoBoy

If you don't want to think about him as much I suggest you don't text him anymore.

If he treated you horribly and was hassling you afterwards why would you want to stay texting him?

LegacyUser

Anonoboy - thats pretty much why i put this thread up! Why am I still thinking of him and even bothering with him when he's an ex that treated me badly but yet its not like I still have feelings for him??

Yes, he treated me really badly but to be honest, im really soft and so rather than holding a grudge, fighting and bad atmosphere, i'd rather just try get on or just avoid confrontation. I dont go out of my way to text him, I never text him first, its just when he texts me, I cant not reply, its just not in my nature and anyways, my problem is, that I want to keep in touch with him for some weird reason!

Its probably because as (taxahcruel ) said, him being in my life has made me the person that i am today, he's a part of me i suppose. I just dont get why Im not like this with other ex's.