Stressed out

LegacyUser

Long story cut short,

Went thru a messy split with an G/f that I bought a house with. She wanted to keep the house but couldn't afford to buy me out, after years of back and forth with solicitors about who would buy it we reached an agreement. Then the crunch hit and paperwork couldnt be done quick enough, the values dropped and the banks pulled the plug. We agreed to sell it and the house was put on the market, 18months later and we get our first offer on it and because its now in Neg equity shes refusing to accept it. It will be years before it can pay for itself. but she wont sell if shes left paying anything else. Yes thats the short version.

This last 5years has crushed my soul, spirt and belief in life. For the last couple of weeks i've been suffering from headaches, chest aches, panic attacks and all i can muster up the will to do is go to work and come home, once i get home i lye on the couch or go to bed. any new relationships i have had have ended because of this anchor of an issue and the grief it causes. I don't blame them for running i know i can be a unbearable when this issue has to be dealt with.

I guess theres no real advice to be given i just trying this to see if it can relieve some of the pressure on me by geting it "out in the open" of sorts. I'm so frustrated and angry and million different bad feelings.

Thanks if you bothered reading to the end.

Overheal

she wont even try to buy you out for half of the current market value? seems like that would leave you free and clear and her with her ****ing house

ash23

Who is living in the house now? Who is paying the mortgage?
how much negative equity are you talking? 10k each? 50k each?

Micahelxcx

Why can't you rent the house for a year to see how much further house prices fall?

Can you agree on a sell by date with your ex-girlfriend? In otherwords, agree to seel the house in a year or two years on a specific month.
You both accept whatever the best offer is?

seamus

I'm guessing that the house issue has lead to weekly or even daily phone calls between the two of you about what to do, fights about it and so forth. If the split was messy or one-sided, then constantly having to deal with your ex is obviously going to take its toll.

You feel tied to this house and it's a constant reminder of the relationship - disposing of it would obviously allow you to move on.

You need to take action which will result in the minimum of contact and bickering with your ex. So trying to change her mind is probably not the best course of action.

One option is to transfer the house to her. It's in negative equity, worthless to you. If you can transfer the entire mortgage into her name, then the property becomes hers, you leave with zero debts and zero ties to your ex.
It would even be reasonable for you to buy out of the house, if you can. So if you can give her €20k and she takes on the entire mortgage, again you have escaped from your negative equity and your ex.
However if you obtained separate mortgages at the time, she will probably not be able to extend her mortgage to "buy out" yours. This will only work if you're joint signatories to the original mortgage.

Your other option is the rental one. If neither of you are living there, get a letting agent to manage the house for you. The letting agent can handle the collection and splitting of the rent and can notify you when repairs need to be done, and you both agree that all such costs are 50:50. This means that there's no who-paid-for-what and you don't have to deal with her on a regular basis.

If she's living in the house, maybe agree that she pays you rent and if you have a good friend, they might act as an intermediary for collecting money and examining costs and so forth.