Tuesday 2

MonkieSocks

Jesus was walking through his local town centre yesterday when a lady stopped him outside a beauty salon and asked him if he'd like to have his nails done.




He ran a fookin mile.

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Sky News: 'One Million Celebrate Spanish Homecoming'.


It could have been London, but fortunately an African team didn't win.

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A golfer is having a really bad day at his local golf course and hits his ball into a neighbouring field.

He finds the ball in a small patch of buttercups when he hears a voice say

"Please don't hit my buttercups."

The man looks around then shrugs his shoulders and prepares to hit his golf ball when he hears the voice say

"Please don't hit my buttercups".

He then declares "Whoever is saying this, show yourself!”

A woman appears from behind a tree and says

"Thanks for not hitting my buttercups.

You shall receive a weeks worth of free butter for your good deed",

Where the man interrupts and says

"Hang on, where were you yesterday, when I hit my ball into the pussy-willows?"

Brendog

If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, i still have wood




















in your mother



(not directed at anybody.Its just funny to say when someone asks you that question)

GLaDOS

Brendog wrote: »

If a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it, i still have wood




















in your mother



(not directed at anybody.Its just funny to say when someone asks you that question)

Get your own jokes