Cousin Pregnant

LegacyUser

Okay so around two or three weeks ago I found out that my cousin is pregnant. She's 18 and is just after doing her Leaving Cert.

I'm not quite sure how I'd describe our relationship. I don't have her number and I don't know if she has mine, but we've always got on. Whenever there'd be a family get-together we'd always get on well casually, but there'd never be any in-depth, self-analysis-type conversation.

So now I'm not sure what to think about her pregnancy. I don't know anything about the guy, I don't even know what she's going to do. I do know that her parents didn't take it very well, and her older sister acted as peacekeeper until they came to terms with it.

So what do you think? Should I get her number and find out what she's thinking?

Bobbins

Always nice for someone to know that they have support - I'm sure she'd appreciate a call....

i-digress

Bobbins wrote: »

Always nice for someone to know that they have support - I'm sure she'd appreciate a call....

+1

Definitely get in contact, she'll need a lot of support.

rainbowtrout

pregnant cousin wrote: »

So now I'm not sure what to think about her pregnancy. I don't know anything about the guy, I don't even know what she's going to do. I do know that her parents didn't take it very well, and her older sister acted as peacekeeper until they came to terms with it.

What do you mean by 'you don't know what to think about her pregnancy'? Are you trying to pass judgement on her? She's pregnant, there's nothing more to think about it. Why do you need to know anything about the guy or what she's going to do to form an opinion? Are you supportive of her or not? Or are you just looking for gossip?

pregnant cousin wrote: »

So what do you think? Should I get her number and find out what she's thinking?

You're not close to her, you said that yourself, but you get on with her when you meet her, so ringing her up to 'find out what she's thinking' will probably just look like you're looking for gossip. Would you ring her any other time for a chat? I don't mean to sound harsh but that's what it would look like to me if I was your cousin. I rarely see my cousins (family weddings/funerals only) so if I was pregnant and suddenly got a call from one of them asking what I was thinking, I'd be a bit miffed and figure they only were looking for gossip to spread around the rest of the family.

Look, you probably have the best intentions but if you go ringing her keep it causal and just say 'congratulations, heard the news, if you ever need a babysitter.....' etc etc. She'll know she has your support then, if that's what your offering, without you poking your nose into something you know nothing about. If she wants to tell you more about it, she will.

xzanti

I'd agree with Rainbowtrout, kinda comes across that you're looking to pry rather than offer support.. She's 18 and a grown woman, her family have come to terms with it as you said yourself.. what more is there to 'think of the situation' ?

LegacyUser

I'm just saying that I don't know how serious things are between him and her, and I don't know whether she's going to get an abortion, have the baby and put it up for adoption or have the baby and decide to raise him/her. I don't want to put my foot in my mouth by saying congratulations only to find out she's getting rid of it.

I can see how it comes across as looking for gossip, but I assure you that's not what I want, and anything we'd say to each other would be between us and nobody else. Am I interested in finding out what's going on? Yes, because we're so closely related (her father is my mother's brother) and there's a good chance of there being a new baby in the family. But I don't want to get too excited about things if it turns out she isn't going to keep it.

You know what I mean?

xzanti

Then the best thing you can do is nothing.. if she's having it great, I'm sure she'll break the news in her own time.. if it's a case that she's not going to go ahead with the pregnancy, then I'm sure the less people who know about it the better in her eyes..

I don't have her number and I don't know if she has mine, but we've always got on. Whenever there'd be a family get-together we'd always get on well casually, but there'd never be any in-depth, self-analysis-type conversation.

It doesn't really sound like you're each others confidant tbh.. I'd keep it zipped for the meantime if I were you..

rainbowtrout

pregnant cousin wrote: »

I'm just saying that I don't know how serious things are between him and her, and I don't know whether she's going to get an abortion, have the baby and put it up for adoption or have the baby and decide to raise him/her. I don't want to put my foot in my mouth by saying congratulations only to find out she's getting rid of it.

Well I would class that information under the 'none of your business category', but I would say the fact that it's public knowledge would suggest that she will probably keep it. Adoptions are few and far between in Ireland these days, however there are a lot of people who don't agree with abortion. I haven't heard of too many people who tell people they're pregnant and then turn around and tell them they're having an abortion. They just go ahead and do it with the minimum of people knowing.

You don't have regular contact with her, so say nothing until you meet her.

pregnant cousin wrote: »

I can see how it comes across as looking for gossip, but I assure you that's not what I want, and anything we'd say to each other would be between us and nobody else. Am I interested in finding out what's going on? Yes, because we're so closely related (her father is my mother's brother) and there's a good chance of there being a new baby in the family. But I don't want to get too excited about things if it turns out she isn't going to keep it.

You know what I mean?

Closely related, yes. Close, no. Not that you shouldn't get too excited about a new baby, but if you rarely see this girl, you're not going to see much of this baby either. A good few of my cousins have children, some of them I don't know the names of and have only a vague notion of what ages they are. It's no big deal. Much like a lot of mine know I'm the cousin that lives somewhere in the north west of the country but they're not really sure where.

Hersheys

If you guys were as close as you were closely related, you would already have her number and she would already know you're here for her if she needs to talk. Regardless of how things are with her family, or what choices she's making regarding the baby, until she wants to tell you it is absolutely none of your business, and if you were to contact her she may not appreciate it. Perhaps it would be more appropriate for your father to speak to hers?

If I was in her situation I would already be talking to the people I wanted to talk to, so no offence OP, but maybe back off and if she wants to talk to you, she will.