Problem! I need solutions!

Brendog

My girlfriend and I have been together for 8 months.

We consumated our relationship 7 months ago.

She now wants to have sex without a condom. She says she'll go on the pill, but I just don't want to take the risk.

I'm only finished my first year of college and have 3 jobs to work at. Trying to see her once a week is difficult enough, the last thing I need is her to get pregnant, but she really wants to do this and the fact that I don't upsets her.



Does anyone have any advice. It would be GREATLY appreciated!

seamus

If you're not happy taking the risk, then you don't have to. The pill is less than 100% effective and most people will tell you that if you want to minimise the chances of getting pregnant, then condom + pill is about the most reliable and reasonable precaution to take - though still not 100% effective.

One question though - do you not trust her to take the pill or are you just completely and utterly opposed to taking the risk at all?

Don't be pressurised into doing something that you don't want to do. Yes, sex without a condom generally feels better, but if you spend more time at foreplay, then use of a condom becomes less of an issue.

lolo62

You know there are other forms of contraception that she can use if it is the daily taking of the pill you are worried about...

She could get an implant, the coil...condoms are not 100% safe anyway...

There are also male options for contraception... medical ones that are reversible for example. Coupled with the pill aswell, probabilities become a lot better than condoms alone.

Brendog

Its not that I don't trust her. I know she'd be responsible/smart enough to take the pill at the required intervals..its just I don't want the risk.

Yeah it would feel good but for the few weeks afterwards I'd be terrified. Its just not worth it in my opinion.

she also doesn't want to get "the bar", because it can cause side-effects.



anyway thanks for your advice. My mind is settled about this now

AngryBadger

Brendog wrote: »

Yeah it would feel good but for the few weeks afterwards I'd be terrified. Its just not worth it in my opinion.

I'm with you on this 100 % OP, and have been in this position in the past.

I'm inclined to feel you have the right attitude about it, if your gf wound up pregnant it would be a massive change to both your lives.

Fair dews to you for being this conscientious. As others have said there are alternatives means of contraception, but you should only go with what you're comfortable with.

AvaKinder

I definitely think to keep your mind at ease two methods of contraception help with the 'fear' should one of them fail. An upset stomach, getting sick after a night out etc can all make the pill ineffective.

Also if either of you has had a previous sexual partner you should get tested before having sex without a barrier.

LegacyUser

OP your right not to do something if you dont feel comfortable with it.

However, i do think that you should educate yourself a little in terms of contraceptives and in particular, the statistics/failure rates.

For instance, at the moment im guessing you guys are just using condoms? Now thats fine but its by no means 100% effective. However you seem to think it would be far too risky to be having sex just using the pill? But in fact, if your girlfriend took the pill at the same time etc thats much safer! With perfect use, the failure rate of the pill is MUCH lower than condoms...its almost 100%...

You guys should read up on the different options and maybe go see the GP? You definitely need to discuss this with your girlfriend.

muinteoir09

unreg5yu wrote: »

OP your right not to do something if you dont feel comfortable with it.

However, i do think that you should educate yourself a little in terms of contraceptives and in particular, the statistics/failure rates.

For instance, at the moment im guessing you guys are just using condoms? Now thats fine but its by no means 100% effective. However you seem to think it would be far too risky to be having sex just using the pill? But in fact, if your girlfriend took the pill at the same time etc thats much safer! With perfect use, the failure rate of the pill is MUCH lower than condoms...its almost 100%...

You guys should read up on the different options and maybe go see the GP? You definitely need to discuss this with your girlfriend.

+1. Excellent advice. You have to be comfortable but the pill is more effective than condoms (given both are used correctly).

seamus wrote: »

Don't be pressurised into doing something that you don't want to do. Yes, sex without a condom generally feels better, but if you spend more time at foreplay, then use of a condom becomes less of an issue.

Can you explain how it becomes less of an issue? Stopping whatever is going happening to put on a condom is one of the most annoying things in the world. On a personal level, I find it hard to maintain an erection when rubbered up.

seamus

muinteoir09 wrote: »

Can you explain how it becomes less of an issue? Stopping whatever is going happening to put on a condom is one of the most annoying things in the world. On a personal level, I find it hard to maintain an erection when rubbered up.

What I mean is that if you bring eachother to, or close to orgasm through foreplay, then you minimise the time spent wearing a condom.
If the main issue is that your partner doesn't get any enjoyment when you're wearing the jacket, then make sure that she is satisfied before (preferably) or after you are, and then she won't really mind.

Faith

Statistically speaking, condoms are only aboout 95% effective - they break, fall off, etc. The pill is over 99% effective when taken correctly. Thus, you're way more likely to knock her up accidentally by just using condoms, rather than just using the pill, as you are now.

If you're really concerned about unwanted pregnancies, condoms + the pill is the safest bet, but the pill alone is way safer than condoms alone (assuming it's taken correctly).

Wibbs

Is it the pill you dont trust, or do you not trust her to take it correctly?

up for anything

If you don't want her to get pregnant use two forms of contraception. I have two condom babies, a pill baby and one planned baby. However, I have no pill and condom babies.