Lonely and in a big mess.

LegacyUser

Hi,
I actually don't even know where to start here because there is so much stuff wrong with me and I feel so alone.
This is going to sound like one big ramble but please bear with me because I have nowhere else to turn.
I am sitting in an internet cafe in a foreign country crying as i write this message.
I came on holidays for a month with four other girls, and I only knew one before I came. Everything was going great until last night when the girl i already knew called me aside and basically said I was annoying everyone else because I complain a lot and I talk too much and she said I'm not the girl she knew from home. I was stumped because everyone seemed to be getting on great.
This might not be a major problem written on here but the thing is I am so unhappy with my life I probably do complain a lot without realising. I have a job which I hate so much, I often cry going to bed at night thinking about it. I try so hard not to be negative about it but sometimes it frustrates me and I vent. Thats one of my problems.

My next one is I actually think most people in my life wouldn't care if I was gone. I lived with two other girls this year and one of them is moving away next month to a different town. The other girl has a job in the town we were living and she is moving a half an hour away to live with this girl even though I am staying in the town we lived in. I was upset when she told me she was moving because I felt lonely and like an awful person that nobody wanted to live with me. This is going to be my third year in this town living with strangers and I am so sick of it and its so hard. I am crying thinking about September already. I thought I made friends this year in the town but they dont even want me anymore. I must be an awful person.

My next mess is over guys. Every guy I have ever been with in my life has rejected me, even ones I have went on one date with have just stopped calling or texting without an explanation. My two boyfriends dumped me. Even a guy i met before I came out here and went on a date with and we seemed to get on great hasn't texted and he said he would talk to me this week.

I am probably upset and down in my life 80% of the time. These things dont seem big on their own but when everything is together I can't cope. I start crying and can't stop. I have been crying continuisly since last night when my friend told me this. I hate myself and I must be awful person coz i constantly feel rejected. I can't even explain to the girls why I am so negative because I don't know them well enough and my friend from home always says she hates listening to people being sad. I have three weeks left on this holiday and I just want to end it all. I don't know where to go. My life is just depressing me and I have not one person in the world I can tell because I feel I constantly have problems. What do I say to the girls on holidays? That I'm sorry they hate me but I can't change the way I am. Now because of last night I am going to be more upset. There must be something wrong with me because nobody likes me, I can count maybe two people in my life that do. I am probably suffering from depression or something, actually I know I am but how do I explain to the girls on holidays about my behaviour? I can't tell them I am depressed.

Please help or something coz I don't know where else to go. I hate being this unhappy and negative but i just feel rejected and theres something wrong with me. I wish I could stop cryign but I can't. The other girls must think I am awful wierd, I don't know. I have never felt so alone and its even lonely when the people you're on holidays with don't even like you.

dellas1979

Right. Read through all the post.

I think what you need to do now (as you are on hoildays) is to suck up what she said and walk into the room or where ever with a smile on your face.

Im not saying what she did was wrong or right (it can be tiring listening to someone complain alot esp on hoildays)- but the reality of the situation is that you will be on hoildays with them for another bit.

When you get home, you will need to sort out the other problems in turn. But for now, have a good bawl, tidy yourself up, shoulders back and walk in like you own the place. No explanations at to why you feel down. That shows confidence (even if it is mostly fake-as most people have) and balls. And try your best not to confide in them/complain anymore.

I was on holidays recently and the friend I went with, we had a little barney (her giving out to me). She walked off. I met her a few hours later and I walked into the cafe like I owned the place. Think she was expecting an apology, but all she got was a big smile and lots of good energy. Totally diffused the situation.

I think you're friend could be doing you a favour.. Negative people can be tough to be around, especially on holiday.
Suck it up, make sure to stick to good topics and it'll all pass.. If you don't fix it on holiday, you'll come home and be even more down.

I've found myself in the past babbling on about crap no one cared about and I ended up just staying quiet for a while. I realised that everyone else was engaging in conversation while I was just going on about stuff I liked. I think i've turned that around completely now.

LegacyUser

Op i understand both sides of this yours and your friends, because i've been both in the past. I know how hard it is when your down to put on a "happy face" but honestly i have a friend who used to be just like you (heck i even used to be that annoying always complaining friend myself!) i love her to bits but god its just SO draining when every single conversation turns into her being so bloody negative, not even complaining just constant negativity, nobody wants to be around that, especially not on holidays.

You may not think or realise that you're so negative (i didn't either until like you my friend pulled me aside and told me nicely) but for the sake of the rest of the holiday really LISTEN to yourself, think about what you're saying and try to stop any negativity entering your conversations.

I try so hard not to be negative about it but sometimes it frustrates me and I vent. Thats one of my problems.

The next thing i'm going to say is going to sound harsh but..
Yes you may have a lot of c*** going on in your life, but everybody does. You can't constantly use your friends as an outlet to vent your problems, its not fair on then, and its not fair on you. Your friends are NOT councellors, its not fair to dump your problems on them. Thats not to say that i don't have any sympathy, i know how hard depression is, but if you keep using your friends to dump your emotional baggage on, you won't have many left.

My life is just depressing me and I have not one person in the world I can tell because I feel I constantly have problems.

Yes - you need an outlet for your problems, but i think you're looking at the wrong sources - you need to see a professional councellor - someone you can just vent away to, i promise you that having this outlet, will do wonders to stop you being so negative around your friends/family

OP you're just going to have to suck it up i'm afraid, put a big fake smile on your face and try your best to get through your holiday, but let this be the kick up the backside you need to see someone about your problems and start trying to work through them

NerfNerder

It sounds like an awkward situation for all involved here. I understand that it can be very tough to act upbeat when you feel like your life is in the crapper, but it can also be tough to be around someone feeling very negative all the time. I think for the moment, since you are stuck on holiday with these girls for the next three weeks though the best thing you can do is try to be as upbeat as you can and get on with things. Maybe for the next three weeks put everything from home that bothers you completely out of your mind. Thats what holidays are for right? Forgetting the stresses and strains of home. Put your energy into having fun...and before you know it, you might find yourself letting go and enjoying it a bit. You could end up forming some really good bonds with these girls if you are open to just enjoying some time with them.

I also don't think you must be a really bad person, to be honest it just sounds like you have been having problems finding the balance between positives and negatives in your life. It can be tough when things are going wrong and you need to talk to someone. For me I find I have a couple of close friends who I can talk to about anything, and if things are going wrong then I can talk to them. The rest of my friends I try to keep to a minimum my complaining etc. Because I don't want to overwhelm them with things....I'm not sure i'm articulating this very well. I basically think you need to keep a balance between positive and negative in your life. Maybe find some sort of counselling when you get home too. It sounds like there might be self esteem issues there too. I wish you the absolute best of luck and I hope the rest of your holiday goes well. Big hugs!

Denimgirl

Hey there, You don't be getting yourself down!you know everybody feels like this in their lives now and again over thinking and your mind is at a negative mind set at the moment and it's hard to think of all the positives in your life which i'm sure there are plenty when you really think about it!You have your health there are people with much worse problems,take what your mate says on board and just think to yourself OK i maybe was being a bit moany but we all do sometimes (which we do!) don't be beating yourself up about it!if your mate says anything to you, agree and just say you had a lot on your mind but your gonna start enjoying your holiday from here on now! use this holiday to leave all your stresses behind,You know these problems will work themselves out and everything happens for a reason because something better is in store for you.Now get dressed up retouch your make up and go out and enjoy yourself with the girls.xx

Bellablue

Hi there OP,

I hope things have been a little better for you since your post.

I would agree with the advice given in some of the other replies here -the thing to do for the rest of the holiday is take a deep breath, paste on a smile and do your best to get involved and have a good time. It's going to be difficult at first, as you won't feel like it at all, but if you project the fact that you are confident and happy you will find people respond much better to you. After a while, this will mean that you don't have to force it any more and you will feel so much better in yourself!

I am probably upset and down in my life 80% of the time. These things dont seem big on their own but when everything is together I can't cope.

I can totally relate to this. The feeling that you'd be fine if you didn't have to deal with everything at once. After a while though, I sat back and realised that life is always going to keep throwing problems/challenges at you and there is no point in thinking "I'll be happy if" or "I'll be happy when". You need to work out a way to enjoy your life, regardless of what is going on. The hardest part of achieving this is realising that it's not what happens to you that's important, but how you react to it.

I would also agree that it might be a good thing for you to seek some form of counselling when you return home. Having someone completely impartial to vent to is invaluable (and means that your friends don't have to shoulder all the burden)

Good Luck- and try to enjoy the rest of your holiday! ((hugs))

InReality

Can you come home from the holiday early ?

If your already depressed ,having a smiling face to the outside world and not expressing your feelings will probably make it worse.

Its a nasty enough situation to be in.

Probably from a practical / finance pov you can't come home early , so I suggest

1.) Try not to be too hard on yourself.
2.) Try and find bits of the holiday you can enjoy.
3). Talk to the other girls about whats going on in their lives /their problems - it can help take you away from dewelling on your own ( perceived ) problems .

hope this helps.

wylo

lonelyinparadise wrote: »

Everything was going great until last night when the girl i already knew called me aside and basically said I was annoying everyone else because I complain a lot and I talk too much and she said I'm not the girl she knew from home. you.

OP, that could have alot lot worse. I think it was decent of her to call you aside and say it to you cause thats not easy for her. And its not like they said anything horrible. And even your friend said your not the girl she knew from home so she obviously respects you. Most people would just end up on a bitching session instead where things would get nasty.

If I were you id go back to them and act casual, refrain from complaining, try and pay attention to what they have to say and join in on what THEY are talking about, and maybe later on when ye start drinking and ye loosen up a bit, say sorry to them for being moany and that you hadnt copped it, just be casual dont make a big deal of it, I think this alone will really take a bit of weight off your shoulders.

I also have a feeling you may feel better since you wrote that, often writing a big rant can be relieving.

And as others have said, when you get home, come back here and ask for advice on your personal issues and other problems.

LegacyUser

Hi guys thanks a million for the advice. Haven't been on the internet in a while. I went on in the airport to check this and one of the girls came up to me. Think she could have saw what I was writing I didn't get a chance to close the page in time. So I'd say she thinks I am an awful freak ranting about my problems but I really had nowhere else to turn.

Things aren't as bad as they were but I'm still fairly unhappy. I have become very quiet out here as I am afraid of annoying people. One of the girls is sweet and lovely to everyone else except me. But I'm not too worried about her.

Home at the beginning of August and am definitely going to find help. Just wondering do you have to be referred to a counsellor or can you just go straight to it? And how does it work? Do they give you advice or listen or both?

Sorry for the questions but looking forward to sorting myself out for once and for all. I am friends with a lovely guy and I told him how upset I was and then he got upset that I was so down and said he was delighted that I am going to get help and to tell him whatever I want. The guy I met before I came out here hasn't texted, I wasn't expecting him to anyway. Think I am finishing with guys for a long time because they only bring me down.
Anyway sorry it took me so long to update, I even feel a little bit better knowing I have promised myself I am going to a counsellor.

Victor

lonelyinparadise wrote: »

Just wondering do you have to be referred to a counsellor or can you just go straight to it? And how does it work? Do they give you advice or listen or both?

I think phone your GP's office and see if they can recommend someone. Its not like a surgeon where you need a formal referral. You may not even have to see your GP although that might be useful (sorry, I've not read the whole thread) as there might be someone parrticularly useful at a particular type of counselling or you may need other help.

I think counselling is mostly about the client doing the work and the counsellor facilitating that and providing support, explanations and offering potential solutions. However, most counselling is non-directive and won't tell you what to do to solve your problems, but will offer insights to let you do it yourself.