Is he giving me the runaround?

LegacyUser

Okay so going unreggo for this one just need some feedback on a situation I'm in. So there's this guy I've known for about four years on and off, we've both been travelling to different places etc which is why the gaps. We met through outdoor sports type stuff and were just part of a group of mates etc. Then about two years ago we met up a few times for outdoor stuff and I was like "hey, he's really nice".

Anyway, I was travelling around the country visiting all my friends before going off travelling abroad and went to stay with him for the weekend as part of it. Had just been on a ten day roadtrip with another guy friend, friends with loads of guys so it was just another friendly thing. Sort of. Not sure how, but we spent the weekend talking about EVERYTHING: what qualities you'd want in a spouse, how many kids you'd want, relationship history, views on politics, religion etc. Strolls on beach, out for a romantic dinner etc. Walking around like an idiot you know when the corners of your face just twitch so you're smiling involuntarily. No action though! So I wasn't sure what to read into it, like I said, friends with loads of guys so maybe he just wanted someone to talk to about this stuff?? But I was fairly smitten.

Anyway, then I went off travelling for about a year and half. Sent him a few FB messages, sometimes he'd respond, sometimes not. More often not, I suppose.

Then got back from travelling about two months ago. Met up with him once for lunch and got on really well. Big hugs, could sense he was reluctant to leave etc. He was all "oh you must come and stay the weekend sometime we can go do outdoorsy stuff together". So I had a weekend free a few weeks ago and texted him on the Monday saying hey hoping to get out hiking this weekend, just seeing who's free, you around? Didn't hear anything back from him for three days. Then he rang me saying oh yeah, sorry didn't text back was uber-busy. Too busy to send a text, humph? But again he was saying "oh yeah you need to come stay" and full of promises to make me smoothies for breakfast etc.

He said he was going to be coming through my town to play a match the following week and would let me know about it. Again, nada. Didn't text me at all! But then texted me the following week all "hey, how's it going?".

So I just dunno: is he just giving me the runaround? Lack of texting on one hand then all "oh come and stay" and late night phonecalls on the other? Maybe just likes to have a girl in reserve for an ego-boost? Like, he's a genuinely decent guy and not just some insane womaniser unless things have changed dramatically during the time I went travelling. Aaargh!

LegacyUser

anonyMisswondering wrote: »

we met up a few times for outdoor stuff and I was like "hey, he's really nice".
...
I went off travelling for about a year and half.
....
Then got back from travelling about two months ago.
....
Lack of texting on one hand then all "oh come and stay" and late night phonecalls on the other?

To me it sounds as if he likes you but is cautious as he probably feels he doesn't know you after you have been gone for 18 months.

forest gunner

Hi AnonyMiss,
Well, in a nutshell, as a guy speaking, Id say forget about him.
If it was me, and I REALLY wanted to see you, and I was smitten as you are, then I wouldnt be 'too busy' or forgetting to text/phone to meet up.
It sounds like he wants a friendship, or better yet, maybe he doesnt know what he wants.
Maybe sit back and observe for a while. Let him chase you as youve done your fair share of chasing by the sounds of it. Dont make the next move!!
Wait for him to ask you out or down to his place on a DEFINITE date, not some half assed "come down whenever" invitation.
If he does man up and ask you down, go with the flow and see if there is still a spark. Things might have changed in the last two years.

Reminds me of a similar situation I had with a date recently.
Got on great on first date, the night flew in, neither one of us wanted to go home.
Anyway, I phoned her couple days later and she didnt answer. She text me next day sayin sorry I missed your call. I text her back "no worries" etc and she eventually replied back with a fairly flat, uninterested response nearly one hour later. Well, needless to say, I took the hint.

Anyway, my advice is to let him chase you OP and, if he doesnt, dont be too disheartened. Youve still got lots going for you Im sure and there is always plenty of interesting fish in the sea!;)

LegacyUser

Yeah I do sorta feel like I'm doing the chasing alright! And I totally don't buy into the whole too-busy-to-text thing either. Wrecking my head. Cause like you said if he was keen he WOULD make the effort. I guess inaction speaks louder than words!

Anyway, gonna be up near when he lives next weekend with an outdoors club I'm part of. When he texted the other day saying "how's it going" I texted back saying good, might be up your part of the country next weekend with an outdoors club, but not sure cause I'm minding a friend's dog for the next few weeks. He texted back oh cool bring the dog here if you want (he's a farmer). I said yeah maybe I'll ring you next week about it. So I can either:

1. go stay with him with the dog.
2. dump the dog on him and then go off with the outdoors club, staying in the hostel with them. (I particularly like this plan )
3. try and make alternative arrangements for the dog and head off with the club, bypassing him entirely
4. stay in town here with the dog and not go anywhere.

Aaaargh!

seenitall

This guy doesn't sound interested in you.

Keep in mind this old piece of wisdom: "When a man wants you, he will find you under a rock." Since I took that to heart, I am having much less worry over who likes me, in what way they like me and how it's going to pan out. It is completely liberating!

(Before TitoPuente has time to shoot me down here, I will add that by the above I don't mean don't show any interest toward a guy, on the contrary, but you do have to know when to step back and see if your efforts are being reciprocated, and in this case I think it's fairly obvious they are not.)

Miss Fluff

anonyMisswondering wrote: »

Yeah I do sorta feel like I'm doing the chasing alright! And I totally don't buy into the whole too-busy-to-text thing either. Wrecking my head. Cause like you said if he was keen he WOULD make the effort. I guess inaction speaks louder than words!

Anyway, gonna be up near when he lives next weekend with an outdoors club I'm part of. When he texted the other day saying "how's it going" I texted back saying good, might be up your part of the country next weekend with an outdoors club, but not sure cause I'm minding a friend's dog for the next few weeks. He texted back oh cool bring the dog here if you want (he's a farmer). I said yeah maybe I'll ring you next week about it. So I can either:

1. go stay with him with the dog.
2. dump the dog on him and then go off with the outdoors club, staying in the hostel with them. (I particularly like this plan )
3. try and make alternative arrangements for the dog and head off with the club, bypassing him entirely
4. stay in town here with the dog and not go anywhere.

Aaaargh!

No.3. Stop putting yourself in his way by calling him and texting him. Let him scratch his head when next w/end draws to a close wondering why you haven't called him when you said you would. Stop being so available to him. He could well be interested but take a step back now and let him contact you.

LegacyUser

Number 3 it is . Found a third party in town to look after the dog so I'm going to hike and kayak that man right out of my hair.