male: cannot orgasm through sex

LegacyUser

hi,

im a male of 28 yrs old. I have never came from sex. I have had about 10 partners, 3 of which being long term. I find when having sex i just don't get to that level that i get at from a hand job. Could my penis be too used to that feeling that sex just wont work? really need help with this? can a doctor do anything about this? i stopped masturbating for a week and still nothing! maybe i need to try for longer. its really getting me down and im thinking what will happen if i was try for a baby with my partner!

thanks for any advice!

LighterGuy

Some guys suffer from this.

majority of the time its caused by jerking it too much.
When you do so alot, you get used to that level of grip/firmness. So when it comes to sex, knowing a vagina isnt as tight as your palm ... you wont climax.

i say... try not to masterubate for a week (even more) before you have sex again. The fact that you will be more "hornier" - you should climax. Typically the more horny you are, the more you are sensitive.

LegacyUser

I went through this so I can tell you some of the things that helped me.

First up, try to lay off the masturbation. It does have an effect on the stimulation levels which your penis can feel.

Second, if you watch porn, just leave it aside for a while. My opinion only but I think it has its place in a relationship but you need to be careful that you arent building unrealistic expectations in your mind about yourself and your OH.

Thirdly, and this is most important, dont be afraid to talk about it to your OH. It isnt clear from your post whether you are in a relationship at present. It will be easier if you are. Ask her to touch you in particular ways or to stimulate you orally. This can actually be quite easy (e.g. saying things like "I love when you touch me there..." or "please, touch me there..." etc.) I realised that my (now-ex) OH never touched me where I really wanted to be helped and I had to ask. Believe me, she had no objection to doing so but it had just worked out like that. Even some light masturbation by her helped to get me more stimulated so the climax came more easily.

Finally, the last thing I would advise is that you will find it easier to climax if you feel totally comfortable with your OH. It dosent have to happen through penetration. You might want to suggest some mutual help to one another. Bring yourself close to climax while stimulating her and when you get close, get her to finish you off. It is amazing how much that helps to build confidence in one another and it is so much easier if you have complete faith in one another. I would add that if this sort of circumstance, you cant just look for your own climax. You have to make sure you are fully committed to whatever she wants as well.

Hope that helps. It did for me.

LegacyUser

FrustratedMale wrote: »

hi,

im a male of 28 yrs old. I have never came from sex. I have had about 10 partners, 3 of which being long term. I find when having sex i just don't get to that level that i get at from a hand job. Could my penis be too used to that feeling that sex just wont work? really need help with this? can a doctor do anything about this? i stopped masturbating for a week and still nothing! maybe i need to try for longer. its really getting me down and im thinking what will happen if i was try for a baby with my partner!

thanks for any advice!

Very good advice above from poster 'myadvice'. Was there myself so a few words:

* Lay off masturbation
* Ditch the porn

Doing both of these and directing your sexual energy towards your partner will intensify the dynamics of your relationship. Also, if you are in any sort of long-term relationship and this issue is affecting it, Accord offer the services of a psycho-sexual councillor.

LegacyUser

hi,

thanks for the advice, yes im in an 18 month long relationship. abstaining from masturbating will be very VERY difficult. I'm 3 days in and its killing me! Can't think of anything else, but the relief/release/pleasure for when i do cum from sex will be immense! lets hope it happens!

Stu

You should be able to come no problem through penetration. A few questions......

1) Do you have a Tight Foreskin (Phimosis)?
2) Do you have a Tight Banjo String (Frenulum)?
3) Do you feel any pleasurable sensations during sex?

If your Foreskin doesn't fully retract during sex then the head of your penis won't get proper stimulation.

If none of the first 2 points apply to you and you are experiencing a sensation during sex then it is most likely psychological.

If on the other hand either of the first two points apply to you or secondly, they don't but you don't really feel any sensation then the problem is most likely physical and you will need to see a GP.

Its highly unlikely that masturbation is affecting your ability to orgasm during sex. The head of the penis has most of the nerve endings and this is where most of our sexual pleasure is derived from but its more difficult to get the same stimulation to the head of the penis during sex as you can during masturbation unless the head is partially or fully exposed during sex.

I'm speaking from experience by the way. I had to have a Frenuloplasty because i literally felt nothing during sex for years and never came. This problam cost me relationships because i couldn't be bothered having sex with girlfriends. I knew something was seriously wrong and it took me 7 years to do anything about it. Oh, the difference since i had that operation .

To the Poster "myadvice". Some good points made there but the OP has had this problem with many different women. Its very unlikely to be down to the fact that he can't let himself go during sex. He doesn't mention having any erection problems and in the normal scenario, nature will take its course during sex if his penis is getting the right stimulation.

P.S - OP, how have you managed to be in 3 longterm relationships with this problem. It must have been soul destroying. Get it looked into ASAP. Its way too important of an issue to sweep under the carpet.

Dwn Wth Vwls

You don't need to stop masturbating completely, you just need to stop using the grip you've become accustomed to. Dan Savage has an advice column about this and explains it pretty well:

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=14968 (language is NWS)

LegacyUser

hi Thanks again ,

regarding Stus comments,

I don't think have a tight foreskin, regarding the banjo string, its never seemed tight, one thing is though when i bring im erect and i pull the foreskin back so that the head is fully exposed.. its not easy to pull it back up over the head. when my gf is using on her hand on me, i need the foreskin to be remain over the head to enjoy it because if she pulls it back completely she would not be able to push it back over the head of my penis... so maybe this has something to do with it?

Stu

OP, if you can't come during sex something is wrong, trust me. All this nonesense about masturbating too much or using a death grip shouldn't affect your ability to come.

If you find it difficult to slip the foreskin forward after pulling it back when erect then there may be tightness that is stopping the foreskin from slipping smoothly backward and forward.

You should ask your girlfriend to masturbate you when fully erect, pulling the foreskin back and sliding it forward. She might be able to see if there is any tightness that you haven't noticed.

Oh, i meant to ask, can you come from getting a Blowjob? You need to experiment a little with your girlfriend, try different positions, keep the head of the penis exposed at all times during sex and try to get to the bottom of it. If you still can't come after trying various positions or from oral sex then get down to your GP ASAP. Don't be shy, they deal with this kind of stuff all the time.