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  • 09-07-2010 6:52pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    Going unregistered for this.
    I met a guy through online dating, we texted for a while as due to circumstances beyond our control couldn't meet up until this week.
    We've had a couple of dates and he seems really nice, gorgeous and funny and he said he thinks tha same of me.
    The problem is my insecurity and lack of self esteem.
    Due to stuff that happened to me in childhood as in abuse (not sexual abuse), anytime I date a guy I panic if they're not asking to see me straight away if I like them and they say they like me too.
    I have ruined what could be the beginnings of something by my lack of patience waiting to see if the person contacts me and just saying it's ok let's leave it..
    I have one this twice now on the guy I am currently dating, as I've said I do like and want to date but just panic, it's like something in my gut and I can't relax, I lose control and get so upset if they don't get intouch or ask to see me..
    This guy seems very easy going, lovely and genuine and think I may have ruined it already.

    What I'm asking is has anyone else ever felt like this and how do you over come it?
    What can I do to brush off so to speak all my over reaction earlier and just be all light hearted and fun again?

    Any comments will be very much appreciated.
    Thanks for reading this.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I have ruined what could be the beginnings of something by my lack of patience waiting to see if the person contacts me and just saying it's ok let's leave it..
    I have one this twice now on the guy I am currently dating, as I've said I do like and want to date but just panic, it's like something in my gut and I can't relax, I lose control and get so upset if they don't get intouch or ask to see me..
    This guy seems very easy going, lovely and genuine and think I may have ruined it already.
    OP i can relate, i used to be like this, i'd always panicked if they didn't text/call me soon enough, but thankfully im older and wiser now. I think part of your problem is you're looking too far ahead, you've only been on a few dates with this guy and already you're thinking "it could be the beginning of a relationship", maybe you need to just realise that theres nothing you can do to change whats going to happen in the future, what i mean is - if theres relationship potential there well then it'll happen, if not it won't but you can't change the enevitable. You have to bear in mind that its entirely possible that after your next date, that'll be it, he may not want to see you again. Theres not point hoping and wishing that something may/or may not happen in the future, just enjoy the time you spend with him for what it is, a date! stop over analysing and just enjoy the present.


  • #3
    AngryBadger
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    It sounds like you're so afraid of being rejected that you're not willing to give these guys a chance OP.

    I don't know what advice to give you here, we're all afraid of rejection, and we all have to learn to deal with that in our own way. If you feel this is a result of something from your childhood then that would seem lie the place to start figuring out why you panic when you feel you're not getting the response you want.

    What I would say is that you're probably making all of this much bigger in your own head, something we all do, and something which takes very small, (often non-existent) problems and turns them into absolute mammoth obstacles.


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