How long does it take to get over someone?

LegacyUser

Just wondering what people think about getting over someone.
Aftere 6 months would you expect to have forgotten them, stop missing them, feel heartache? Is each case different?
Is it possible we never get over some people, perhaps maybe only when we meet someone new, or is it just each case is different? As you can imagine I'm still struggling. Why do some feelings never go away and stay as strong?

ash23

whatdoyouthink wrote: »

Just wondering what people think about getting over someone.
Aftere 6 months would you expect to have forgotten them, stop missing them, feel heartache? Is each case different?
Is it possible we never get over some people, perhaps maybe only when we meet someone new, or is it just each case is different? As you can imagine I'm still struggling. Why do some feelings never go away and stay as strong?

How long is a piece of string to use an old clichee.

It depends. On the people. The relationship. The way the relationship ended. The way things have been since the relationship ended......and about a million other things.

newtothis2010

IMO every case is different, it depends on the depth of the bond you had with them, how long you were with them, how involved in each others lives you were...

there are times I think of an ex 5 years later (2 exs ago!) and wonder about her.... not that i'd go back, but I think ex's do stay with us, I know I can't completely turn my back on someone I was close to for a period of time..

I'm just thankful I knew all my exes at the times I met them, they each taught me something(s) and though some hurt more than others to leave behind, that in itself is a lesson..

feelings will fade, probably when someone new comes on the scene as you have to invest the time and feelings into that person, until then I guess there'll always be a 'what if'... certainly for me there was.. for well over a year..

I think 6 months on its ok to feel what you're feeling, so don't be worried there is something wrong, you musta had a great connection to that person, and thats a testament to your character and your ability to become emotionally involved with another person!

stay strong and keep up what you are doing, before you know it it'll be a year and you'll realise you only occasionally think about them though there may be someone else by then who is setting your world alight!!!

unclecessna

That's a tricky one to answer as everyone is different and your experiences with different people and how you react to them is different as well.

I've gone out with several girls over the last few years and here is how some of it went. With one girl we had gone out for a short time and it took a couple of months to get over her. With another girl even though we had been going out about the same length of time and she was probably nicer than the prior one it took only a week to get over her. With another girl we went out for a long time and when we finished I thought I would be stinging for ages but I was actually over it in a month....and then another girl who I thought I would be over very quickly indeed has been on my thoughts for about 6 months despite my best and stenuous efforts to forget her.....go figure! But I do think that with enough time and a mindset of wanting to move on we do get completely over people.

Best wishes

Miss Fluff

Aw poor thing. There is no template, no magic formula where a certain amount of time elapses and you are suddenly fine and over that person. You have to allow yourself time, and never a truer cliche then "time is a great healer".

I think the one key factor in really getting over someone, really allowing yourself time to grieve and heal is if you have no contact with the other person. None whatsoever. While being in contact and being "friends" (which is a load of nonsense incidentally) may seem comforting and helpful, it will only ultimately impede your progress.

So in a nutshell, allow yourself time but allow yourself space as well and if that means pretending the other person no longer exists (no sex, no meeting up, no phonecalls or texts or Facebook etc) then so be it, you will thank yourself for it.

Keep the chin up. The day will come soon enough when you haven't even thought about this person. Trust me.

dublingal80

everyone is different and takes some people longer than others to get over their exes.

My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. when we broke up it was a complete shock to me, we said we would leave it 6 weeks and then meet and see how we both felt. in those 6 weeks he decided he didnt like being single and is now dating a girl from his job who i have met many times who he has known for years.

to me it showed he had no respect or me or our relationship to move on after 4 years together so quickly. god knows how long it will take me to get over him but when i do, i'll be a happy girl

dont rush yourself. just keep doing what you are doing and you will get over him

LegacyUser

Ah thanks everyone. Yes I think it varies, doesn't depend on how long you are with someone either, just how connected you felt to them I think.
It's it one of the wonders of the universe.
I also think it depends on who did the dumping.
I don't do contact at the moment, was very firm on not initiationg that but wonder about birthdays and things like that (have been contacted a couple of times last couple of months), have never seen him since and so on, not on FB but am prone to checking about.

Just this invasion in your thoughts and hearts and even dreams constantly!...you want to scream 'get out of my head'....guess the older cliche 'time is a healer'....but I don't know in this instance, I guess I just fell hook line and sinker this time, c'est la vie

LighterGuy

I hear you op.


but from previous experience. How we move on is two fold... 1, it really tends to be until you find someone else do you fully move on from another... and 2... its what you do after the breakup. if you just laze around. Not moving forward. You dont go forward.

(the following is easier said than done) but after a breakup we have to get out in the world more. meet new people. Im not talking about relationships ... but friendships... having new experiences. Living life more.

Because you'll wake up one day, probably check out the ex's facebook/word of mouth/etc etc and see they have someone new. And thats going to hurt. Especially if you havent lived since then.




(and for the record op. Im in the same spot as you. I too am still a little messed up over my ex. Which was 6 months ago. Only was with her for 7 months. But she cheated on me.. maybe the ending messed me up :P but we're in the same boat So do feel alone

Sometimes the best way to get over someone is don’t. The trick is to remember what you loved most about them and make that part of you.

If that person would act a certain way in a situation that you loved, then YOU be the one to act that way in that situation. If that person would have given some kind of charity in some situations then YOU be the one to act that way in that situation.

In essence assimilate those things you miss as part of yourself, rather than trying to remove them from your life entirely.

You did not say OP how you lost this person but this works with break ups of course, but it is even more useful and powerful if the other person was someone you lost to death etc.

The person I am now is not just the person I was born being, but an amalgamation of myself and people I have loved in my life, including a girl who was my first love that we lost when she was only 16. If anyone loves me then they love her too because a lot of her lives on in me.