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Room-mate obsessed with girls

  • 07-07-2010 7:58pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    Hope this makes sense.

    Basically I moved in with a good friend of mine, we work in a similar job, always have great craic going out and are into the same stuff so we get along great.

    Only one thing is annoying me lately. He's absolutely obsessed with women to the point he's talking about nothing else and I wish he'd shut up sometimes.

    As long as I've known him he was never great with girls, good guy, just shy to approach.

    We along with another friend went for a lads weekend away a couple of months ago. We wound up in a bar with 2 girls, my roomie took to one of the girls so we hung around, the other girl wasn't very interesting but we played wingman but after 2 hours we were getting bored, my roomie just wouldn't make a move. I ended up taking him aside and saying "Come on man, you're better than this, you can get girls way better than that, either make a move or we're getting outta here". Well that was the jist of it... I gave him a kick in the backside, he went right over and did it.

    After talking he just snapped out of the shyness and just started talking to every girl he sees whenever he's drunk.

    But now it's just annoying. He's met quite a few girls over the last maybe 3 months. Thats great for him. But every conversation is about the girls he meets. If it's not he'll just randomly steer a conversation when something "reminds him of something funny Girl X said...". Or always telling me the "funny" things they say and its usually as funny as "She likes milk... ha, isnt that so funny?"

    I know he is probably trying to just make it known how good he is with girls now but while at first I was saying good for him, now its just annoying listening to it ALL the time.

    Sometimes I just want to tell him "shut up, those girls are minging!" but thats pretty mean. Like, he hasn't become casanova overnight, he just got over his shyness and gets drunk and plays the numbers game. Approach enough girls and you'll pull home some drunken yokes.

    What offended me a bit was when he gets a bit funny over my girlfriend. He goes on about how I'm a lost cause cos I'm "settled down" now. For god sake, I've a new girlfriend but it's not like my life's over. She's a nice girl and I like hanging around with her but he seems to think I'm a loser because i don't want to go shag manky girl in nightclubs instead of the one gorgeous girl (imo) I have.

    He also made a few comments about my girl and her style and other stuff indirectly, basically insinuating he is meeting all these super-hot girls while I'm "settling" for the girl I've got.

    He's a good guy but it winds me up. He doesn't have to love my girlfriend if he doesn't like her for any reason but at least accept that I've done the whole trawling nightclubs thing like any guy 2 years ago when I was the same age as him now but I got sick of it, meeting manky club girls that i don't really like. I met a nice pretty girl who I get along with and right now in my life I think thats a better place for ME personally to be than forgetting about her to trawl night clubs again, nothing wrong with it, Its just that I've done it, it was fun at the time but I've grown up and moved on.

    It's good for him that he's got some confidence and started meeting girls but and he's met plenty but if the truth be told the quality of girl he's meeting could be a lot better, I'm sick to death of hearing how "stunning" they are and completely tired of insinuating I'm a loser for having a girlfriend and that she's not up to the quality of the classy girls who leave their knickers all over our apartment.

    Rant over.


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    3words...Quality over quantity.
    Also, he's obviously having no problem picking girls up, but isn't the hard bit actually keeping them once the beer goggles are off?
    "Tactfully" remind him of these points


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    No offence mate, but what kind of friend are you? You are telling me your room-mate has just gotten over a most likely hard part of his life and all you can say is he is going on about it too much.

    What's your problem?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well I was saying that I'm glad for him.

    I thought it was great for him, for the first 2 or 3 months I was saying good for him and I'm glad he'd started to meet more girls and gotten over his shyness, he was dying for a girlfriend and I thought this would be great for him, I used to be shy like that when I was younger, i know what its like.

    Its just that its becomes very annoying that EVERY conversation is about these girls I don't know about and I know he'll dump her next week. Its about showing me what a "player" he is. i can be talking about a match or something and it winds up about these "savage girls" he's dating.... it's like "I get it!!! You are meeting girls!! I know!!!"

    Like, I knew him a few months ago when he wouldn't say Hi to a girl, I feel like I helped him snap out of it. I used be very shy like that but I came out of it too, I'm not "stuck" with the girl I have, I met plenty girls and met one who i think is really great. I don't particularly like having her put down or being told she's not as good as the drunken messes that run past me in the living room on a sunday morning.

    I'm glad he's happier now but he's not the player he thinks he is and its not nice to be putting my girlfriend down, as good a friend as he is, I feel I have to defend her too.

    He's a good guy but it's a bit much, I could say something harsh to give him the point but I think it might be too much, I just want to know how to tell him to chill out a little.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP,

    You sound a little jealous of your mate tbh. I am wondering if he's new found confidence with women has resulted in a touch of the green eyed monster!

    If you are happy with yourself and your girlfriend let him off with his "mingers" and so what if he thinks they are hot and you don't ! Not everyone has the same standard of beauty unless you are looking through a very shallow barbie doll lens. Also do these women not have personalities what so ever -it's all about looks is i?. You sound as deep as a puddle.

    Sit you mate down and tell him it's great that he is now such a ladies man but that you don't want to hear it 24/7. Also, as I write I am thinking he might be jealous of you and your gf. He is finding out how shallow his pick up are?

    You are both protesting too much imo. Both of you get real and have an honest conversation.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    To be honest,
    I've done exactly what he's done. I was very shy in my teen years. I snapped out of it somewhat. I did the whole picking up girls thing and now I met a nice girl and am happy to see her. I'm not jealous, I can do what he does again if I chose.

    My point was I was looking fior a way of giving him the hint without sounding spiteful.

    He's one of my best friends but I thnik it's disrespectful to speak about my girlfriend comparing her to those girls he meets. I wouldn't do that to him if the roles were reversed, you don't comment on someones girlfriend like that.

    The 2nd point was just the obsession, I can start talking to him about the match last night or what I'm having for dinner and within 30 seconds he'll turn the conversation into "this savage girl I scored last week". It's just like... I know, good for you, but change the record! I'm a guy, I'll chat about hot girls all day, but chat about something else too, every conversation doesn't need to be turned into hearing about 1 thing in his life.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser



    I know he is probably trying to just make it known how good he is with girls now but while at first I was saying good for him, now its just annoying listening to it ALL the time.

    He goes on about how I'm a lost cause cos I'm "settled down" now.


    Rant over.

    Op i agree. id be annoyed if someone talked about the opposite sex all the time and im female. One of my friends is obsessed with finding guys to the extent that i can foresee how any conversation will go...its draining. I like time with my friends where i can just chill and find out what else is going on in their life or have some banter.

    Also the comments on your own relationship are'nt on or at least would annoy me.

    I think its only scratching at the surface to comment that your jealous. In fact i would argue your friend is over compensating to convince you and/or himself that hes happy. Maybe im wrong and he is happy..but i dont buy it if he feels the need to explain themself that much. Theres sharing information...and then theres overkill


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 189 ✭✭Fox McCloud


    I dont think you sound jealous at all, I think your friend is acting like a bit of a prat though!

    Maybe tell him frankly you're not really interested in the details of his love life.. and if he disses your girlfriend tell him to f*ck off! Everyone gets a little obsessive when they meet someone new but if its constant and hes comparing them negatively to your girlfriend then hes not gonna have much friends left if he doesnt cop on with the ole social skills.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 359 ✭✭messymess


    Honestly, OP, what do you want us to do about it?

    He sounds like a man who's revived himself and is out there loving it. He's obviously passionate about it :)

    If it bugs you so much, say it to him. You don't have to be 'confrontational' about it. Just say tell him to shut up nicely and that you've in a pain in your 'jam roll' with him talking about this all the time. If you say it in a jeering manor and with a smile on your face it will go done fine.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,880 ✭✭✭Pentecost


    To be honest the main issue is the putting down of the OP's girlfriend I think. It's unnecessary and disrespectful and I'd ask my friend not to do it again as she's important to me. And as the secondary issue there isn't any need to be constantly going on about girls you were with. The next day or two with a bit of slagging back and forth is normal for lads, anything more is a bit tiresome .


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm sorry if this is just too obvious but...why don't you just tell him? I mean, don't be rude or mean about it, but be straight forward and serious. If someone was putting down my bf in front of me all the time and questioning why I'm with him it would bother me and I would tell them that it's not funny, and ask them to stop. If it's a one time thing, ok, it's a joke, but if it's constant it's pretty disrespectful.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all,

    So I had a small chat with him. I wasn't being mean or anything, kinda said it in joking as ye mentioned to chill out, there's no need to get so wound up about girls when he was on and on about these girls texting him today.

    I said it because he was asking for my advice again about these girls he's been texting. He asks me all the time for advice but never wants to take anything I offer. It's like he just wants me to know that all these girls are texting him and wanting to meet him and that he doesn't want to meet them as he's "single and free to do as he likes" saying having a girlfriend means you are tied down and can't do as you want.

    I really don't care. Good for him, its great he's doing well with girls now but he used to go on before about wanting a girlfriend, now that I have one its all about "being tied down and having no life". I've been out with him just as much since I'm with my girlfriend.

    He was on today about this girl he met on Saturday asking me "She was hot wasn't she, she was? Yeah,I think she was reeeeeeeeeally hot, but I'm not calling her anyway". I didn't actually see him with a girl so I said I didn't see the girl but I didn't say it in a bad way but he took it all wrong.

    My girlfriend was over last night and he was asking her about clothes and makeup and stuff. But it was weird. He knows it, it was all about stuff that she doesn't wear, like false lashes and types of dresses and stuff. I was like "Why is he asking her this?"... was he trying to point out that she's not as good because she doesn't wear trashy clothes or something? I thought it made her feel uncomfortable to be asking.

    He's also been going on alot lately about the "type" of girls he likes and what he hates in a girl. While listing traits in a girl he wouldn't go out with he's pretty much describing my girlfriend. I don't know if he realizes it or if he's just totally oblivious to how obnoxious he's being.

    She stayed over last night. I was joking this evening that I was so close to calling in sick this morning I was so tired. It had nothing to do with her being there but since she HAD been there he took it personally. He thought I was rubbing it in that I had a girl stay over and wanted to stay there having sex all day. My girlfriend was up and gone to work, it had nothing to do with her, I was just making conversation joking I'd love to have had the day off. He went off saying "How do you think that makes ME feel... I'm getting up to go off out to work and I know you get to stay there having sex with a girl all day, what about me? How do you think that makes me feel getting up early going to work when you have that life." I honestly didn't know if it was a joke or what. It was crazy. I didn't even mention the girl.

    Infact I'm fairly private, I'm not someone who goes on about someone even if they're my girlfriend, I feel its my own business.

    It's very irritating now, I've been hinting at him to talk about other things or interests but he's getting more and more obnoxious.

    He asked what I was doing for the weekend and I said I might be going to a birthday party of her friend on Friday and he freaked. Wanting to know What were they doing and then laughing and going on about how lame it was because they aren't going clubbing. Its not MY birthday, if this guy wants to do something other than clubbing then thats his business, I'm just going cos I was invited. I said I'd be out with him Saturday... but it was smug looks and sniggers for the rest of the day. Did it ever cross his mind that I'm not looking for a girl clubbing, maybe doing something else Friday is grand with me and I'll be out with the lads anyway on Saturday. But no, it's all about how lame I am and how it's the ball and chain and I can't do what I really want to do which is go and get smashed on friday. Half the reason I gave up the clubbing thing was beacuse I was happy with this girl and I thought I could be more productive than being broke all week from drink and spending my weekend in a hungover mess. I did it for long enough, I just like doing other things instead now sometimes too. Is that a big deal?

    His answer... he's calling one of the girls to go on a date on Friday... I'm hearing all about it. Great for him but eh... how is that any beter than what I'm doing? It's the same thing.

    Its gotten so frustrating listening to it all the time.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 981 ✭✭✭fasty


    He sounds like an insecure asshole and I don't think he's going to change for you. Best just rant to get it out of your system and ignore it!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 189 ✭✭Fox McCloud


    He sounds crazy! Insecure and seriously jealous of you. I would simply ban all talk of women with him and maybe consider moving out.. he seems way to interested in whats going on in your relationship I dont think you'l ever feel comfortable with him being around your girlfriend, not knowing how he's going to try insult her etc.

    He's not going to listen if you have a chat with him, he sounds like he has the emotional maturity of a 7 yr old. Seriously try move out or just dont talk to him about girls, tell him you dont want to know.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 236 ✭✭PopUp


    To be honest, you could call him up on it every time he starts acting like a jackass. For example, when he starts going on about clubbing, you could be completely upfront and say you don't know why he's so desperate to have you with him in the club both nights at the weekend, and that you actually really like doing other stuff as well. When he mentions crap like 'the ball and chain', or insinuates something nasty about your girlfriend, call him on it.

    But honestly I think you'd be wasting your time. It'll only make him more insecure and, honestly, bitter towards you. You are in completely different 'phases' (I don't mean that in a condescending way, sorry!) right now. You just aren't compatible as housemates or even really close mates right now, and trying to force it will only drive you further apart.

    I'm not saying disown the guy, but if you keep this up he is going to annoy you more and more and you are going to get more and more fed up with him until you can't stand the sight of him and then the friendship really will be over. If I were you I'd look to live with someone less obnoxious. Sorry if it seems like the nuclear option, I just don't think talking to this guy is going to magically make him happy and confident in himself - which is his real problem, not you or your girlfriend or your interest in clubbing two nights in a row.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,184 ✭✭✭mrsdewinter


    He's behaving like an immature idiot. Unless you can tune his nonsense out, you're going to get more and more frustrated. You could jokingly call his bluff on his comments about your girlfriend, but he sounds like the kind of dickhead who'd only tell work colleagues that you're defensive about your partner. Why not move out?


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