2 or 3 ???? - Please Please Help

galgirl32

Hi all. I really need some help on this. My DH and i agreed (after 2 yrs non agreement) that we would ttc baby # 3, we already have ds 10yrs and dd 5yrs.

But we have just come back from hols, and while on hols i got cold feet, as i realised that most families on hols had the "perfect gentlman's family) and how much harder financially etc it would be to add to our perfect little family. And if we did manage to concieve baby # 3, we would not be able to take a holiday for at least 4 or 5yrs (financially) and therefore our other 2 kiddies would loose out on hols etc in the long run.

While on hols i got speaking to lots of famlies, some with 1 child others with 3 - the families with 3 kiddies were saying how hard it is to bring 3 kids on hols as they have to get extra rooms which meant extra expense etc etc.

It really got me thinking .................. I know that i would never regret having another baby, but i have the choice, and came to the conclusion that i should just enjoy the life i have with my 2 darlings concentrate my time, effort and love on them and be happy with that - am i wrong ????
- Please Help

dan_d

Okay I'm probably not going to be a huge amount of help here, not being a parent, but I'll throw in my 2 cents.I'm from a family of 4 kids. While it could be a pain in the ass at times growing up, it's great now. There's always someone around, and something going on. I've an aunt with 2 kids, and she used to say to my mother at communions/confirmations/birthdays, "oh at least you've another couple of communions (etc), I'd love to have more". She used to wish she had another child.

Money-wise I can't comment on your situation as you haven't given a huge amount of information...I'm just not sure that deciding to have another child based on the amount of holidays you can take is quite right? I'm sure you're taking other things into consideration, but it seems like an odd thing to base a decision like that on. I suppose financially (day to day) if you really feel a 3rd child is a problem, then okay, maybe not. But to afford holidays?

Bear in mind aswell that your kids are currently old enough to help you out a bit at times with a baby. Also (projecting waaaay into the future!), when you get older and your kids may have to look after you, it's easier on them when there more than one or two....less pressure. I'm currently with my OH who is an only child with very few cousins and with many elderly single relations, and it's a massive amount of pressure on him, seeing his parents regularly and visiting all the other relatives aswell. It's very very tough and it's only going to get worse as he gets older.

I suppose what I'm saying is that I'm all for a crowd - the more the merrier....good luck anyway, whatever you decide.

LittleBook

galgirl32 wrote: »

My DH and i agreed (after 2 yrs non agreement) that we would ttc baby # 3

What do you mean by this? Do you mean that for 2 years you resisted the idea but recently you've agreed to try for another baby?

galgirl32 wrote: »

i have the choice, and came to the conclusion that i should just enjoy the life i have with my 2 darlings concentrate my time, effort and love on them and be happy with that - am i wrong ????

The impression I get is that you've changed your mind, you know what you want for now and this business of holidays and extra expenses is you searching for tangible explanations as to why you feel differently.

You're not "wrong" to want just two children and it's not too late to change your mind, but you need to talk to your husband about this ... and soon.

seamus

I'm from a family of four, and my parents always said that it got easier as they went along - they had all the clothes and baby paraphenalia from the previous kids and their life was already structured around the childrens' schedules, so slotting another one in there didn't make that big a difference.
I was last and my Dad always says that I was dead easy, I practically raised myself. What he actually means is that having a 4th child in the household, was just another head in the madness and the other 3 were old enough to help out with me.

In reality, it's the first two children which are the most expensive and if you can cope with them, then the expense of a third child isn't like starting all over again. You already have most of the high-cost items and once you're past the initial feeding stages it's just a matter of "throwing another spud in the pot". Maybe I'm being a bit simplistic, but I think that your prediction of not being able to holiday again for years may be a tad dramatic (of course, I don't know your situation).

It would seem to me that if having a third child would cripple you financially to the point where you couldn't even rent a house in Kerry for a week as a holiday, then you're already on the edge and an additional child would not be for you.

deisemum

I'm from a big family and hated it, I wouldn't inflict that on my own children but that's my husband's and my choice and people have different opinions so you've to do what's right for you and your family.

Most of my friends and acquaintances that have 3 or more children have said they found a big difference going from 2 to 3 children. So many things are geared for 2 + 2.

I wouldn't let holidays be the reason for deciding on how many to have. Baby clothes and equipment are only a very small part in the cost of rearing children. Childcare is another cost.

Once they start school and get older then the cost of rearing them increases.

My youngest sister was the most difficult one to rear.

cbyrd

I was in a similar situation for a few years,

I was trying to convince my husband for 4 years to try for another one.. he was happy enough with our 2 girls (11 ,8). I have major issues with contraception(as in i can't take any) he wanted to go for the snip... I managed to convince him to try last feburary and about 2 weeks later my dad was diagnosed with secondary cancer.

so we decided not to try, i was a bit upset but then like you i was thinking it was maybe for the best.. we'd need a bigger car i'd have to give up work and then was i ready for all the nappy stuff and up in the middle of the night again... i felt it was the right decision

So you can imagine my shock when i discovered 5 weeks later i was pregnant..:eek: but i can honestly say there is not a better thing that has happened in my life:)
we're going camping in 2 weeks baby and all (he's now 6 months) It's not an expensive holiday but there's a gang going with cousins and the kids can't wait
I've still got the same car and he doesn't wake at night and his big sister's absolutely adore him!!
My husband is from a family of 10 and i'm from a family of 7, he wanted his kids to have the best and he knew another one would mean me not working and everything becoming a bit tighter... we're actually now thinking will we go again..
It's sometimes the hardest decision to have to make.. nobody can tell you whether its right or wrong for you, i never planned any of my children and the one time we did try to plan it was a happy disaster :rolleyes:
they are small for such a short time and i see the bigger ones running around it' doesnt' seem that long since they were babies..
I know by the time he's in school i'll have one in college and one in secondary...
the spread helps cos i have such a great help..
You do need to sit down and really think which would be worse, doing without some things or realising when it's too late that you want another one.. that's the bottom line.
I wish you all the luck in the world cos i know exactly how you feel!!

Redpunto

We're in a similar boat, a 5 year old and a nearly 10 year old. There may be a third somewhere on the horizon. Thing is with us now is that we're broke now as it is so having another is not going to change our standard of living, cant afford hols anyway and think of the experience your kids with get with having a baby in the house. its very easy to "experience" holdiays but not so with experiencing a baby. Saying that though it is nice to have some sleep and not be worrying about money for nappies at the end of the month. But, you'll always find the money from somewhere. Ask the kids when they are older, would you rather have had an expensive holidays for 4/5 of your childhood years, or your younger sibling.

MojoMaker

A 3rd child is indeed a big(ger) committment - without knowing your situation it's hard to speculate, however financial difficulties are temporary, offspring are (one hopes) for life.

Kalimah

I'm from a family of 5 and I have to say I would never have been happy with only 2 children. We ended up with 4 and there's always something going on. I do agree about holidays though that everything is geared towards 2+2 and that drove me mad for a while. I have a friend who is from a family of three kids. One died and then her Dad died and she says she realises now what a small family she's in now.
I'd say go for it.

Khannie

We're gonna miss out on a holiday abroad this year because of our 3rd one. The difference in cost beyond a 2+2 holiday makes it prohibitive. Now that's a bit of a bummer alright. Would I be without my little girl for it? Not in a million years. We're all happier for having her around, despite missing out on holidays.

Now having said that, if your youngest is 5 and you're looking at going back to the sleepless nights instead of lie ins on a saturday....well it's a big change.

I would ask yourself whether you're likely to look back in 10 years and regret it. If not, enjoy what you have with your 2 kids. If so, get up that stairs.

Big Bag of Chips

I have 3 children and I found the move from 2 to 3, much much busier than the move from 1 to 2!!

My children are all very close in age though. So having 2 older "babies" was what made having a 3rd baby hard. Actually, "hard" is the wrong word.. I'd just say "busy".. and "a lot of work".

But there is NO WAY I would ever be without my 3. Now in saying that, holidays abroad aren't an important part of our life. My and my husband are happier to stay at home, or holiday in Ireland than to pack off on an aeroplane.. I was 22 before I flew, and I don't think it's done me any lasting damage!

It's a big decision and not one you seem convinced of one way or another. It's a very very personal choice and one persons reasons for having or not having children shouldn't sway YOUR decision.

I don't think any of the people you spoke to actually WANTED a 3 children. Because if they did, then restrictions on the types of holidays they could take wouldn't be a good enough reason to stop them.

eviltwin

Everyone will have an opinion on this but its your call. Only you know your family dynamic well enough to judge if its the right thing to do or not.

I have two, one of each so thats my lot. It just feels complete now and I don't feel the need to add to it. There is a 12 year gap between them and I had forgotten just how hard and neither of us are keen to do it again but if something happened I'd welcome a third with open arms. We'd manage.

I know our social life and our free time and the amount of money we have to spend on fun stuff would be seriously affected but we'd muddle through. I'm sure if you were to have a third you'd do the same.

BostonB

I think you've got to ask which experience do you want. 2 or 3.

amacachi

Khannie wrote: »

We're gonna miss out on a holiday abroad this year because of our 3rd one. The difference in cost beyond a 2+2 holiday makes it prohibitive.

I found myself resenting my youngest sister at times for that very reason. :P

Sleepy

Out of interest are those ruling out holidays because of an extra child just looking at the 2+2 package holidays?

If you book yourself and are a bit flexible about mid-week flights, using Ryanair and last minute hotel booking sites like laterooms, you can get holidays quite cheaply. We managed a week in Portugal this year for the 4 of us for about €700 (and could have managed it even cheaper if I'd been able to book the flights further in advance). A third child wouldn't have added any more than an extra hundred euro or so flight cost to that. Might have meant two kids sharing a double bed in the apartment but that's hardly a massive hardship for a child on holidays!