Disciplining Children

Junior D

I recently heard on the radio of a study about the title. Both parents and kids were questioned and I think it was like 73% of people favoured it. The kids said they believed it was ok because the parents were doin it in their best interests. Personally I believe its ok as long as it doesn't go too far, but these people who say that children shouldn't be physically disciplined really annoy me. Any other opinions?

stovelid

You should clarify that you mean smacking. You have to read through the whole post to the end to be sure that's what you mean.

I don't oppose parents giving light physical chastisement like a smack on the bum or arm, but there should be very clear lines about what is acceptable.

Parents who do the belt thing, or actually 'beat up', say, older male children are assaulting them in my opinion.

CrazyRabbit

Physical punishment works great....until the kids become teens, and finally adults.

It's far far better to teach self discipline as that lasts a lifetime.

It's ironic, but if a circus slapped a monkey again and again until it did what the trainers wanted, there would be an outcry. And yet, it is for some reason tolerated and indeed moralised when talking about children.

BostonB

This is a subject that is done over and over, and it really goes nowhere with extreme views on both sides.

StormWarrior

I used to think that parents shouldn't be allowed to hit their kids. I thought that if you were a good enough parent you wouldn't need to. I changed my mind when I became an au pair in Finland, where smacking is illegal. The family I worked for, the kids were out of control. The parents didn't know what to do about it. The kids would hit, kick and bite the adults, refused to do anything they were told, scream, swear and kick people when they didn't get their own way. We couldn't do anything. If a child was naughty, I tried putting them in their room, but they'd just come out again. They would do anything I told them not to, even run out in the road when cars were coming just because I'd told them to stay on the pavement. I tried reasoning with them, shouting at them, taking their toys away. Nothing worked. One day one of the kids was throwing rocks at my head, and it really hurt. I told him off but he laughed and carried on. I had enough, I smacked him on the arm (not hard) and said NO! He looked really shocked and stopped immediately and behaved himself. They have a daughter who is an absolute horror, she really needs a smack but they just cant do it. I never smacked her because I knew she would tell. She is so horrendous that I am sure she will have terrible trouble making friends/getting a job/living a normal life, but a good hard smack would really sort her out.

I do think it's terrible the other way round though, when parents take physical punishment too far. I've heard some horrible stories of things that happen in america, I never forget on the news once some american kids had been beaten with a paddle by their PE teacher, they were covered in bruises. I heard 2 other stories of american parents who'd made their teenage children undress completely before thrashing them with belts.

How Strange

It's a tough one really.

I think slapping is an outlet for parents frustrations. We were slapped. I don't resent my parents for it but I certainly wouldn't say they were doing the right thing or it made us behave more. In a way it just makes you fear your parents. My dad and his siblings still talk about the terrible beatings they got from my grandad. That was acceptable behaviour back then.

I'm going to take an anti slapping stance with my child/ren. I don't want to show them that they only way ican communicate with them is by using my greater physical force over them and I certainly wouldn't want them to be afraid of me.

Rev Hellfire

Smacking and the threat of a smack represents just one tool available to parents when it comes to disciplining a child. It only becomes an issue if it becomes the one solely employed.

CrazyRabbit

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

Smacking and the threat of a smack represents just one tool available to parents when it comes to disciplining a child. It only becomes an issue if it becomes the one solely employed.

Agreed. It should be an exception though and not the rule. All other punishments should come first.

mockler007

the wooden spoon on the hands,
wet teacloth on the back of the legs, ahh the good owl days,
now a days the parents dont know how to raise their children, they are running the streets wild and dressing like hookers:mad:
you should need a licence before some of these half wit parents should be allowed to have a child.
proper disciplin never done bad for me, children don't respect adults not to mention the garda

sassypsych

Unfortunately in my experience the kids who run riot are also the ones who parents are the most violent towards them. It is not that the parent won't smack it is just they don't care about the behaviour unless it is annoying them in which case they just lash out.

Uncontrolled temper towards a child does nothing for them at all but teach them violence is acceptable and to have no respect their parents and run wild.

I have three kids, 1 girl (the oldest) and two boys. I have smacked them all in the past with a smack on the bum when they were younger between about the ages of 4 and 6, but only as a very last resort, usually to stop temper tantrums. Now they are between 11 and 7 and there is absolutely no need for it. They can all be spoken to, and showing them that they have disappointed me with their bad behaviour is a much more effective ways of discipline. They know they in trouble with just a look and that usually enough to stop bad behaviour.

Children should be well behaved because they have been taught it is the right thing to do and because they have respect for their parents and they listen and value their opinion. Not because they are being bribed with treats or because they are being threatened with violence.

Chuchoter

A smack once in a blue moon never hurt me, and its just too hard to reason with a 4 year old, no matter what supernanny says.

ash23

My daughter was watching supernanny with me yesterday. Some little 4 year old boy was hitting and biting his mam, running off on her, refusing to go to bed, swearing like mad etc.

The little one was sitting there gobsmacked, particularly at the hitting. I don't smack her. I have done, on occasion when I lost my temper but I'd say it's years since my daughter got a slap.

Anyway, she said "I know I sometimes get angry with you mom, but i'd never hit you". I asked her why she wouldn't. She said it was because she loved me and wouldn't want to make me sad and also that I'd ground her forever if she hit me. Which is true. She'd be in a whole world of trouble if she raised her hand to me.

She's not afraid of me but she knows whats acceptable and what isn't. And she knows if she breaks the rules she WILL definitley, without doubt, be punished for it. And she's come to the conclusion that it just 'aint worth it.


Anyway, I don't think a slap should be illegal. But I also don't think it's a good way to discipline a child.

Ickle Magoo

mockler007 wrote: »

the wooden spoon on the hands,
wet teacloth on the back of the legs, ahh the good owl days,
now a days the parents dont know how to raise their children, they are running the streets wild and dressing like hookers:mad:
you should need a licence before some of these half wit parents should be allowed to have a child.
proper disciplin never done bad for me, children don't respect adults not to mention the garda

Has it ever occurred to you that the extreme measures of discipline are what created the half-wit parents you are currently berating? An advertisement for moderate punishment if ever there was one.

Nevyn

The thing is we have gone from it being prefectly acceptable to beat children (I mean beat not just A smack/slap) and that is how parenting was done, it was the model in which most parents were raised themselves and when you don't do that any more what else is there?

Most parents will know there is a lot more but it takes work and effort to learn the alterantives and to put them in place and use them esp when the kids are climbing the curitans and deviling the cat and answering back.

Which is why the likes of supernanny is so popular there are parents out there who don't know how to manage and disapline thier children in a manner which does not invovle smacking and there are those who don't care to learn which is imo tragic for the child.

stovelid

mockler007 wrote: »

the wooden spoon on the hands,
wet teacloth on the back of the legs, ahh the good owl days,
now a days the parents dont know how to raise their children, they are running the streets wild and dressing like hookers:mad:
you should need a licence before some of these half wit parents should be allowed to have a child.
proper disciplin never done bad for me, children don't respect adults not to mention the garda

I thought Frank McCourt died last year?

lip

Hi,as a mother of 4,between 13 and 2,I have given them a few tips on the hand or bum,very rarely though.But I don't agree with it being made illegal.Imagine,being sent to prison for giving a child a little smack?There are already laws in place for physical abuse.I think on the whole parents don't use excessive discipline,and know that a smack is a last resort.

CrazyRabbit

lip wrote: »

Hi,as a mother of 4,between 13 and 2,I have given them a few tips on the hand or bum,very rarely though.But I don't agree with it being made illegal.Imagine,being sent to prison for giving a child a little smack?There are already laws in place for physical abuse.I think on the whole parents don't use excessive discipline,and know that a smack is a last resort.

Agreed. It needs to be cultural change rather than a legal change.

tuzex89

I would say that there is another problem. Children (troublemakers) don't have any respect to other people. And if they can see that at home (their parents' behaviour) what we should expect from them? And what about these parents? Should they be slapped?

Dudess

mockler007 wrote: »

the wooden spoon on the hands,
wet teacloth on the back of the legs, ahh the good owl days

It wasn't so ****ing good at the time though was it?

katie99

Me and my sisters all got smacked by my mum up to age 16. It didn't do us any harm. While we didn't get smacked all the time, when we did we certainly felt it.
However, we deserved it and I haven't grown up with a distorted personality. I recommend smacking. Use the hand or wooden spoon.

lynski

my mom smacked us and used a wooden spoon on us - we used to take the wooden spoons and hide them under her mattress so she could not use them on us. She got a shock when she turned over the mattress.
Anyway, Dad only ever gave me 1 slap on the leg and same with my sisters, but we remember it, not so Mom's we just ignored her because she slapped us over everything and anything.
I have smacked my little guy, mainly to stop temper tantrums and sometimes the tantrum was not on his side ;-(, but i hate myself when i do. it is the most ineffective method of discipline. but when you were raised this way it is so hard to overcome the impulse - when you were not taught any other method of discipline or emotional control.
I work hard at not using physical discipline but it is a struggle, I am determined to overcome the urges.
It should not be illegal, but parenting courses for all parents should be compulsory - do the course, pass it and you can continue to claim your children's allowance.

gaillimheach

lynski wrote: »

parenting courses for all parents should be compulsory - do the course, pass it and you can continue to claim your children's allowance.

I like this idea, as long as the parenting course is a challenging, well-set syllabus, with well-trained and knowledgeable course instructors, as opposed to masters in waffle and bull.:cool:

mohawk

Junior D wrote: »

I recently heard on the radio of a study about the title. Both parents and kids were questioned and I think it was like 73% of people favoured it. The kids said they believed it was ok because the parents were doin it in their best interests. Personally I believe its ok as long as it doesn't go too far, but these people who say that children shouldn't be physically disciplined really annoy me. Any other opinions?

My granny has a range which is nearly always on. She smacked on the hand each of her 15 grandchildren to keep them away from it. It has worked as no one got their hand burnt. In that case there is a physical danger so I can't disagree with it. Itys the lesser of two evils.

As for misbehaviour I just dont agree with it. What if they are not detered from the bad behaviour do you hit harder? One of my aunts slaps her kids the other doesn't. The one who doesn't slap has the better behaved children by far. The other aunt has the worst behaved children you could ever meet.

The reason so many parents slap is because its how they were brought up and I think that needs to stop.
If you slap an adult its a crime are children worth less?

doodlenoodle

I have smacked my girls, I don't think they will suffer for it or that it will ruin them and their self esteem, but I see it as a personal failure when I have done it.

It has always been in anger and while the first time a slight smack on the bum or hand got the right reaction, you need to do it harder each time to get the same reaction.

I am strongly against smacking as a routine or automatic solution for misbehaviour. I really abhor when people use items of any kind to smack a child. Smacking really is a sign that you are at your wits end and need a new plan on how to deal with your child's misbehaviour.

Fox McCloud

For light slap etc. to become illegal, I dont think its intended to punish parents for resorting to desperate measures to control a situation. I think its giving children the same rights as adults-protection from physical assault. The human right to not be physically harmed in any way. Its even more important that children are given this legal right as they have no mean to protect themselves physically or legally.

Now we apply this to the real world, I dont think it means parents going to jail for a mild slap on the bum, no less than an adult would go to jail for slapping someone on the arm. Its means the legal framework is there if the intent behide the physical assault is malicious and threatening. Most parents should be able to manage day to day without any need for physical punishment, its the odd times where the situation gets overwhelming that physical is generally used. The same with adults. You wouldnt appreciate your friend giving you a light whack on the arm every time you talk but once or twice and its fine.

eviltwin

Its all about common sense really isn't it.

There is a world of difference between a tap on the bum and a smack across the face. Discipline is one thing, abuse another.

I'm not a fan of corporal punishment myself and touch wood have never resorted to it but I wouldn't be dialling 999 if I see a parent giving a gentle slap to their little one.

Sadly I think we go to extremes in this country. We worry about the parents who are using light physical discipline while at the same time letting a lot of abusers get away with abuse.

Mary Hairy

Children need discipline. I do not agree with whipping children with electric flexes or the like but parents muist be allowed to use corporal punishment. A lot of statistics are used to show that children who are beaten when they are young grow up to be violent. In my view that is caused by random meaningless beating than properly conducted punishment.

katie99

A smack on the bum never did me any harm, nor my sisters.
It's what is need in this country to sort out those little, spoiled brats.
We have gone too much PC and we should resort to the way we wear before.

Mary Hairy

katie99 wrote: »

A smack on the bum never did me any harm, nor my sisters.
It's what is need in this country to sort out those little, spoiled brats.
We have gone too much PC and we should resort to the way we wear before.

A smack on the bum would not be enough for a lot of them. Industrial Schools should be reopened. Children who are not being properly cared for, or who are guilty of crime should be sent to them and straightened out.

RedXIV

I got a fair few whacks as a kid, far more than my brother or sister my parents freely admit as they didn't know the parenting practices they should have been using. I got the wooden spoon aswell and remember the fond day that my brother and I buried it

My mother would have smacked me alot more than my father, and as a result, the two times my dad smacked me still to this day, stick with me. And it should be pointed out that whenever I was smacked, I was in the wrong. I know that.

Also, on a final point, In one of my classes in secondary school, I would have been around 16, the teacher asked if anybody in the class had been smacked as a child. 5 people raised their hands out of the 30 (including myself) and they were the 5 top achievers in the class. Interesting to me at the time anyway. Could be completely unrelated but i statistic to skew anyone's perception that a smack will produce damaged people

ash23

Mary Hairy wrote: »

A smack on the bum would not be enough for a lot of them. Industrial Schools should be reopened. Children who are not being properly cared for, or who are guilty of crime should be sent to them and straightened out.

Indeed, because god knows, they turned out well balanced, well adjusted kids by beating them senseless. None of them are traumatised or scarred for life by the senseless cruelty they endured, disguised as discipline :rolleyes:

Mary Hairy

RedXIV wrote: »

Also, on a final point, In one of my classes in secondary school, I would have been around 16, the teacher asked if anybody in the class had been smacked as a child. 5 people raised their hands out of the 30 (including myself) and they were the 5 top achievers in the class. Interesting to me at the time anyway. Could be completely unrelated but i statistic to skew anyone's perception that a smack will produce damaged people

In my leving cert course I used to visit the home of the person who got the best result. A cane was always kept available for use, whnever any of the children brok the rules.