I should probably leave her alone?

LegacyUser

I left a girl to go travelling a couple of years ago - genuinely loved her, at times I thought maaaybe she was'nt right for me in the long run but I really did love her/in love with her and it broke my heart to leave my little princess. I thought about her morning, noon and night while together and treated her better than I possibly could anyone else.

However I made the decision based on some hard times I had gone through on the home front and needed to get away. I did'nt think of her all that much while I was away to tell you the truth as I was so busy seeing new things,meeting new people but I'm back home now and feeling a little different recently.

I feel I may have lost what I could have had forever and I'm searching my soul for answers. Thing is I know her family, friends etc will have absolutely hated me for leaving her...fact - This turns me off the most.

We have'nt been in touch in around a year (by email) when she sort of made it clear she was trying to get over me - she basically brushed off a valentines email I sent her.....it would be unfair of me to get back in touch now would'nt it???

I've no idea what shes doing nowadays and I have had to stop myself thinking about her for a long time now - I think subconciously knowing it would bring me down.

Elle Collins

Of course you should leave her alone. After the way you treated her the least she deserves is to be allowed move on.

Ickle Magoo

Why don't you send a letter or e-mail and leave the ball in her court and take the answer she gives you as final? It's really not up to her family or her friends, it's up to her and if you have decided it's her you want to be with then I think you should let her know that and let her decide. If she tells you where to go, you are going to have to move on.

Kiera

Elle Collins wrote: »

Of course you should leave her alone. After the way you treated her the least she deserves is to be allowed move on.

^^^^ this. Leave her alone and move on. You made your bed.

SarahSassy

It just sounds like you are home and bored and she is the obvious answer to this problem. She already said she didnt want to know so I would just leave her alone and move on.

AnonoBoy

This is the way life goes. Leave her alone.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Yes, definately leave her alone. I'm hoping "your" little princess has found someone that will treat her like one, instead of dumping her like you did.

But here's some advice for the future; Don't be so selfish, maybe if you see things from someone else's point of view, rather than the little self involved world you seem to be living in, you won't treat someone so badly in future. You can only get away with being so self involved and selfish for a certain period of time but ultimately you'll end up very lonely and unhappy.

Best of luck.

ManOfMystery

Are you sure you're not looking back at your relationship with rose tinted glasses? If she was so important to you, why did you go off for a full year without her? Was she unable to go with you? If things were bad for you at home, surely there were other options you could have looked into without disappearing for a year - get a place of your own, move in with her, etc? You were able to finance a year's travelling so it doesn't sound like money was extremely tight. It just seems to me this girl wasn't really as high a priority in your life as you're making out, perhaps you've fooled yourself into thinking it.

As above, I agree that now you're home you're probably bored and on a comedown after a year of new experiences and new people, thus she's on your mind a lot. IMO it would be very unfair (and presumptious) of you to start contacting her at this stage. You hurt her, went off and had your fun, now leave her alone.

magicwok

mindman wrote: »

I left a girl to go travelling a couple of years ago - genuinely loved her, at times I thought maaaybe she was'nt right for me in the long run but I really did love her/in love with her and it broke my heart to leave my little princess. I thought about her morning, noon and night while together and treated her better than I possibly could anyone else.

However I made the decision based on some hard times I had gone through on the home front and needed to get away. I did'nt think of her all that much while I was away to tell you the truth as I was so busy seeing new things,meeting new people but I'm back home now and feeling a little different recently.

I feel I may have lost what I could have had forever and I'm searching my soul for answers. Thing is I know her family, friends etc will have absolutely hated me for leaving her...fact - This turns me off the most.

We have'nt been in touch in around a year (by email) when she sort of made it clear she was trying to get over me - she basically brushed off a valentines email I sent her.....it would be unfair of me to get back in touch now would'nt it???

I've no idea what shes doing nowadays and I have had to stop myself thinking about her for a long time now - I think subconciously knowing it would bring me down.

Similar thing happened me a few years ago, Met a beautiful great girl about 5 months before i went travelling, well i had met her the xmas before she moved over to Ireland but i made it clear to her before she moved to ireland that i was going away travelling for the year, I had planned on going travelling for years and was let down a few times by friends who got jobs and decided they didnt want to go travelling anymore, anyway it was the hardest thing ive ever gone through in my life saying goodbye to her that october morning and we both cried alot but we decided to stay together and she would come visit me for a few weeks 6 months into my travelling in oz, i wouldnt do it again, most times i talked to her on the phone she was crying and i continously felt numb, we decided we werent going to be with other people but i did cheat a few times and i always felt awful when i did, we had a great time when she came over and i went home a couple of months early but effectively the relationship was severly dented by me going away and after about a year of me being home we split up(About 6 months ago) and now i regularly cry with regret of going away and am a total wreck, i'm not motivated by anthing anymore because i miss her so much, people keep telling me not to regret what i did and that i had been talking of going travelling for years but i dont know

Id maybe send her a small email and ask her how shes getting on and stuff but i dont think you have any chance with her because she will continously bring up the fact that you left her and that is like rejection to a girl, best of luck

LegacyUser

Okay thank you for the replies, Was'nt expecting them to sound as harsh as they do but you're all right and maybe the truth just hurts ie. I made my own bed as you say.

Having slept on it (again), I will leave her alone. Honestly I don't think I could get back in touch with her anyway I felt so terrible leaving her to travel and still feel awful when I think about it now.

Couple of points "my" princess is how I felt about her then, not now and I did'nt mean for it to sound as though I still thought of her that way. I know she was never "mine" and never would she be.

I'm not bored at home in the slightest, I have never enjoyed being here this much.I moved into a new house with cool housemates, I've never had so many friends around me etc I have also being seeing/dating quite a few nice girls but I still can't stop thinking of my ex. Not necessarily comparing them to her but in general I just miss her.

Lastly, I was away for 2 years. She could'nt come with me due to Work & College, Of course I wanted her to come with me. In the year I left, after years of not being able to do pretty much anything, both of my parents passed on within 13 months of each other and I was then made redundant.Looking back, I was 25 and felt totally lost. My Girlfriend was the only piece of my life worth getting up in the morning for.Something needed to change, I needed a break from working, to escape everything and to go enjoy myself. I knew the consequences and thought them through for a long time before leaving so Im willing to accept them now. Just so you know, I still DONT regret leaving regardless of it meaning we would break up, The way I see it, If I did'nt leave when I did I'd have been an absolute mess. Being away has given me more than a lust for life again, something I had genuinely forgotten existed.

So you can point out how many times "I" is used above and how it's all me,me,me - maybe I deserve it but I'm not a bad guy nor am I self centered how can you determine that from such a short post? Maybe I was selfish but I don't know how anyone deals with circumstances like that, do any of you? I know Im not the first person to go through something like this and by no means is it my excuse & Possibly things could have been done differently, but they were'nt and I'm trying to come to terms with it all.

Back home, Yeah it's not as exciting as being away but I'm not bored. I'm thinking of my ex because she's 10 minutes drive away, shes probably my fav person I have met in life so far and we pretend each other does'nt exist.

Anyway you've clarified what I thought, leave her alone.

Something has been sticking in my head through all this, The lyrics of a Paul Brady song "If you really love somebody, you should let them go". So true!

Thanks again

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Are you sure you're not looking back at your relationship with rose tinted glasses? If she was so important to you, why did you go off for a full year without her? Was she unable to go with you? If things were bad for you at home, surely there were other options you could have looked into without disappearing for a year - get a place of your own, move in with her, etc? You were able to finance a year's travelling so it doesn't sound like money was extremely tight. It just seems to me this girl wasn't really as high a priority in your life as you're making out, perhaps you've fooled yourself into thinking it.

As above, I agree that now you're home you're probably bored and on a comedown after a year of new experiences and new people, thus she's on your mind a lot. IMO it would be very unfair (and presumptious) of you to start contacting her at this stage. You hurt her, went off and had your fun, now leave her alone.

Hi man of mystery, Your questions are the questions I'm still asking myself.

You're also right about money, It was far from tight. I received redundancy & inheritance in the same year but it meant nothing to me/still doesnt. I wanted to pay for her to come with me but she wouldnt accept it & understandably she wanted to concentrate on her career/see out her 3 years in college.

Taltos

Sometimes you just have to move on - no matter how much you don't want to.

It is clear you went through a sh1tty time back then and really needed to get away. How many of us wish we could do the same at different points in our lives...
It is a shame that she chose not to join you - but you can't change how her parents feel - all they could see is that she was hurting - they might know that you were in hell but really would not have been in a place to understand how crap that was.

Who knows - maybe someday you "might" bump into her...
You are a different person now - and so is she, so even if you did hook up the dynamics might have changed too much. Try not to dwell on what might have been or past regrets, we all have them.

SarahSassy

magicwok wrote: »

people keep telling me not to regret what i did and that i had been talking of going travelling for years but i dont know

I have found that a lot of people have a very 'devil may care' attitude when it comes to the importance of relationships v travelling. I think at the end of the day we will sit back and look back on our lives and just it a success of the quality of relationships we have had and not just the number of countries we have visited. It never ceases to amaze me that people think travelling is more important than people. Just my humble opinion.

Anyway, you cant change it now. The decision (good or bad) is made and all is over and done with. Harsh but true.

AnonoBoy

As Sarah says - you can't change it. Sometimes things end, it's just the way it is. You needed to get out of the country for a while, she needed to stay - the time wasn't right for ye.

Who knows, if you had stayed you might have broken up six months down the line anyways?

You can't live your life looking back with regret, chalk it up to experience and move on.

Miss Fluff

You're only thinking about her now because you're at home alone, bored and in need of a $hag. Who are you kidding? You sent a Valentines email (pathetic) which she (rightly) ignored so you have your answer. Leave your "little princess" be, she's not interested mate.

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You're only thinking about her now because you're at home alone, bored and in need of a $hag.

Unbelievable, Insensitive that you've said this not knowing enough about me. I have never and will never look at women in this way - maybe you;ve a different experience with other guys.

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You sent a Valentines email (pathetic) which she (rightly) ignored so you have your answer. Leave your "little princess" be, she's not interested mate.

Accept this part.

magicwok

Miss Fluff wrote: »

You're only thinking about her now because you're at home alone, bored and in need of a $hag. Who are you kidding? You sent a Valentines email (pathetic) which she (rightly) ignored so you have your answer. Leave your "little princess" be, she's not interested mate.

I think your being extremely harsh, we all do things in life that we will later regret and your no exception, you have to do what you have to do and thats what life is all about

Millie

SarahSassy wrote: »

It just sounds like you are home and bored and she is the obvious answer to this problem. She already said she didnt want to know so I would just leave her alone and move on.

My thougths exactly.
However if you feel it is more than that why not drop her an email and if she wants to be left alone then do just that.

LeahK

I actually think the last poster is right. Why not contact her? if shes not interested (which by the sounds of it is 99.9% likely) well then she can get the satisfaction of telling you to buggar off! You get your answer you finally want and she gets mini revenge for you hurting her.

0.01% chance she might hear you out and give it another try, dont look back in a few years and regret not trying. Showing an interest and putting some work in might just benefit you.

Best of luck...

PS we all make mistakes

Aine5

I'd send her an e-mail.
You were young and wanted to go travelling, 99% of young people want to go travelling and its important that you live your dreams and not end up regretting it later in life.

You have nothing to loose by contacting her, and if you dont you will always be haunted by the "what if" question.

It sounds like you really care about this girl so dont just give up so easily, granted you do have alot of making up to do because I'm sure you really broke her heart.

LegacyUser

My ex-fiance did this to me. He so desperately needed to get away, needed a change of scenery, needed to see the world etc etc etc. I couldn't go as I was studying Medicine in college at the time and there really wasn't the option of jaunting off at a moment's notice.

He's been back three years now nearly and I'm sick to the back teeth of hearing how much he still loves me from him, his friends, his sister.. I believe him too. But you know what? He left me. He chose travelling over me, and if he'd just waited a year or so I could have gone with him. He broke my heart. However hard you're finding it now, believe me, being the one that's been left behind is far, far harder. I knew well I was only vaguely on his mind and he was all that was on mine.

I'd leave her alone. You had a choice, you made it. You can't have it everyway. Someone upthread commented that people have a very devil-may-care attitude when it comes to travelling vs. relationships. You can always travel. The foreign countries aren't going anywhere, but a good, strong, loving relationship is hard to come by and I think you're learning that now.

LegacyUser

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles.

I would never dream of announcing my undying love to her or friends/family, all the while knowing what she has already gone through, That would not be fair.

I wanted opinions on whether it would be wrong to contact her and I've got pretty much the response I expected. A response that I agree with, to leave her be.

However I really don't believe the extent of anger being directed at me in this thread because of my decision has been altogether fair. As I said before I'm not a bad guy, In future I may look back and see that I made a wrong decision but honestly few people can probably understand the circumstances around the year I left to go away. I mentioned being "lost" and the extent of how lost I was is realised by very few people. The most devastating year of my life immediately preceeded this decision. I'm not blaming mother nature, I blame myself for making the decision but to be condemned so badly for making it? Well then I must be a bad bad person

LegacyUser

mindman wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear of your troubles.

I would never dream of announcing my undying love to her or friends/family, all the while knowing what she has already gone through, That would not be fair.

I wanted opinions on whether it would be wrong to contact her and I've got pretty much the response I expected. A response that I agree with, to leave her be.

However I really don't believe the extent of anger being directed at me in this thread because of my decision has been altogether fair. As I said before I'm not a bad guy, In future I may look back and see that I made a wrong decision but honestly few people can probably understand the circumstances around the year I left to go away. I mentioned being "lost" and the extent of how lost I was is realised by very few people. The most devastating year of my life immediately preceeded this decision. I'm not blaming mother nature, I blame myself for making the decision but to be condemned so badly for making it? Well then I must be a bad bad person

You're not a bad, bad person and I don't think anyone is saying you are here, really. If you read through other threads, posters can get a much harder time than you. I wouldn't interpret the replies like that at all. Clearly we don't know you here, or what you've been through. Hopefully you're in a much better place in your life now.

I just think that when she's already made it clear to you that she's in a different place and trying to get past the whole break-up and relationship, maybe getting in contact would be the wisest or most welcome thing to do.

If you feel as though you'd deeply regret not contacting her though, then go for it. A friendly, casual email can't do any lasting emotional damage to your ex, but you may reget not giving it one last try in the future.

Moomoo1

I think you should always give the other person a choice. It would be terrible if she did want to get back with you but you never wrote because you were afraid of hurting her feelings...

PS: I do think people are a bit harsh on you. You offered her to come with you, and you could also have had an LDR for those two years.

TitoPuente

mindman wrote: »

Thing is I know her family, friends etc will have absolutely hated me for leaving her...fact - This turns me off the most.

This is the bit that stood out for me. The fact that her friends and family hate you for dumping her to go travelling "turns you off" the most? Wow. I'd have thought that your guilt and trying to make it up to this girl would be highest on your list of concerns but if you're really so self involved that you're biggest fear is how other people perceive you then I'd have to agree with what everyone else is saying - leave her alone.

tigerlily73

Oh no... if u have any respect for her just leave her alone. She had to get on with her life when you left her high and dry!!!