Is there anyone here who identifies as genderqueer, bigender, or just crossdresses?

Links234

as we all know, the forum is now "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender" and this has influenced a lot of new members to come and post. But the term Transgender is an umbrella term that is more than just Transsexuals, including many people who are not conforming to typical gender norms.
I'm wondering if there's many here who would say they are genderqueer or bigender or if there's any crossdressers who read this forum.

I'd be interesting in talking to people who identify in such a way and hear your experiences

hare05

Give me a year with no progress on the transition front and you'll have your crossdresser

Rick_

Pardon my ignorance, but what is genderqueer? I've never heard of that term before, or bigender for that matter.

rainbow kirby

Eternal Wonderer wrote: »

Pardon my ignorance, but what is genderqueer? I've never heard of that term before, or bigender for that matter.

Wikipedia: Genderqueer, Bigender

LegacyUser

I'm a bisexual male, I would very much like to crossdress at some stage, I have always thought about it. I don't know quite which label is suitable for me but I would not see myself as particularly masculine. In fact, I feel quite feminine a lot of the time. I like womens clothes and look forward to trying them one day. I can't imagine it would be a pretty sight though, I would probably do it privately.

I can't say I've ever really felt that I was born in the wrong body or anything, but I do sometimes wish that I was born as a female.

Freiheit

I've always identified as Gender Queer and Transgender, to be honest some ideologies I feel limit the scope of male and female, by isolating certain traits as exclusively male or female and by labelling people in accordance.

I believe in a male-female continuum with a lot of overlap. Don't believe such a thing as a male or female brain exists and that it's up to every person to choose their own identity, as male or female or something in-between. Don't believe it's the role of a doctor.

Links234

jofw wrote: »

I'm a bisexual male, I would very much like to crossdress at some stage, I have always thought about it. I don't know quite which label is suitable for me but I would not see myself as particularly masculine. In fact, I feel quite feminine a lot of the time. I like womens clothes and look forward to trying them one day. I can't imagine it would be a pretty sight though, I would probably do it privately.

I can't say I've ever really felt that I was born in the wrong body or anything, but I do sometimes wish that I was born as a female.

Well, try it! Life's too short, so why not? Explore how you feel

Freiheit wrote: »

I've always identified as Gender Queer and Transgender, to be honest some ideologies I feel limit the scope of male and female, by isolating certain traits as exclusively male or female and by labelling people in accordance.

I believe in a male-female continuum with a lot of overlap. Don't believe such a thing as a male or female brain exists and that it's up to every person to choose their own identity, as male or female or something in-between. Don't believe it's the role of a doctor.

I can't agree with it being up to people to choose their own identity. I didn't choose to identify as female, I just do. If it were a simple choice then why not save all the grief and pain and just choose to identify as male? It would make life a lot easier.

I do think we all have both masculine and feminine aspects to our personalities to different degrees, but our sense of gender isn't something we can choose.

Freiheit

Your misinterpreting what I mean Links. I don't mean that we choose how we feel , but it is up to ourselves to choose our own labels to express this.

It is also up to ourselves to follow our own map, not that of others or the route we are expected to.

I intend to 'transition', but I'll be my own type of woman, that I want to be, not necessarily what society expects a woman to be, which in many ways is the opposite to men and would involve sacrificing some positive aspects of me. I won't give up me.

As I don't believe in a strictly binary gender system, I have no problem identifying to a certain extent as androgynous and gender queer, as in a queering of traditional gender parameters.

Links234

Freiheit wrote: »

Your misinterpreting what I mean Links. I don't mean that we choose how we feel , but it is up to ourselves to choose our own labels to express this.

It is also up to ourselves to follow our own map, not that of others or the route we are expected to.

I intend to 'transition', but I'll be my own type of woman, that I want to be, not necessarily what society expects a woman to be, which in many ways is the opposite to men and would involve sacrificing some positive aspects of me. I won't give up me.

As I don't believe in a strictly binary gender system, I have no problem identifying to a certain extent as androgynous and gender queer, as in a queering of traditional gender parameters.

Well now I definitely agree with that. I especially agree with being your own woman and how what society expects a woman to be. I think very much the same way.

deirdre_dub

jofw wrote: »

I'm a bisexual male, I would very much like to crossdress at some stage ... I can't imagine it would be a pretty sight though, I would probably do it privately.

Well when I started it wasn't a pretty sight either! :eek:

It really isn't about how you look - it's about how you feel. Eventually, for me at least, my feelings have ended up informing my looks, and so I now look (and feel!) an awful lot better. And I mean a whole, massive, monstrous amount better.

I can't say I've ever really felt that I was born in the wrong body or anything, but I do sometimes wish that I was born as a female.

"Born in the wrong body" isn't the definition of a transsexual - it is a cultural cliche.

LegacyUser

deirdre_dub wrote: »

"Born in the wrong body" isn't the definition of a transsexual - it is a cultural cliche.

i'm a bit confused, how do you mean?
Well, I kind of just meant that some people's genders don't match their physical body? Is that reasonable to say? I get confused sometimes with all these terms.

Well when I started it wasn't a pretty sight either! :eek:

It really isn't about how you look - it's about how you feel. Eventually, for me at least, my feelings have ended up informing my looks, and so I now look (and feel!) an awful lot better. And I mean a whole, massive, monstrous amount better.

Perhaps but having said that, I do think I would feel better if I was more attractive. I'm going to try losing some weight before I try. And how are you supposed to buy female clothes in a shop without people thinking you are some kind of freak? People are narrowminded.

Chuchoter

Genderqueer, leaning male. Though for the most part I dress very feminine because I'm not really out to everyone and dressing masculine gets me in trouble with my parents. I think for the most part gender labels beyond male and female are kind of pointless, because its so ridiculously complicated. I don't one hundred percent fit what genderqueer/trans/bigender is supposed to be, but I certainly don't fit male or female either. Really I think I should have been born male and I think I'd be a lot happier if I had been a boy, but I'm not that bothered with transition because I would never pass in a million years and that would only piss me off even more, so I'm happy enough to exist in the big grey blob in the middle

Freiheit

Was reading a scholarly article on the Metrosexual phenomenon, was like a mirror of myself, however I was always imitating women, wasn't content to look like a man, but I was afraid to go too far for fear of negative judgment....People just assumed/still do assume that I'm a feminine gay man....But my views on gender as said above remain fluid.....gender roles for anyone are capable of being a straightjacket. Bought a shirt today, male but wouldn't look out of place on a woman....River Island Sale and funky.

Freiheit

There is a school of thought that literaly proclaims that people can be 'born in the wrong body', 'that a female brain can grow inside a male body' or visa versa.... more research is required to ascertain whether this could be the case though.

I personaly don't believe in any one single cause for dysphoric feelings.

deirdre_dub

jofw wrote: »

i'm a bit confused, how do you mean?

"Born into the wrong body" (BITWB) is a phrase used to describe something that has many shades of grey, each of which is difficult to describe anyway.

Whereas I really really like the scientific theory that says I have a female brain in a male body (which could be re-phrased as BITWB, I guess), using the BITWB metaphore also has its problems, as I've only been able to see the merit in that metaphore after I discovered that I am transsexual! I guess you could say that BITWB is a good metaphore to use with the cisgendered, but not with the transgendered, if that makes sense. Too much information and personal development has been instilled into BITWB for it to be a useful phrase to use with those who are exploring their gender identity. I would suggest you take a look at the "Advice for those considering transition" sticky discussion for more ideas on what I'm talking about.

Well, I kind of just meant that some people's genders don't match their physical body? Is that reasonable to say?

Again, you are trying to summarise something quite complex, personal, and difficult to describe in too few of words. Yes, you are correct in what you say, but it's also maybe not quite that simple for many transsexuals.

I get confused sometimes with all these terms.

Indeed - it is a very complex subject. Don't concentrate on terms - partly because they are difficult to understand and define, but mainly because what is far far more important than terms is your experience of your gender.

Perhaps but having said that, I do think I would feel better if I was more attractive.

Indeed - I guess what I am trying to say is don't let the need to look attactive stop you from exploring your gender. Don't say "I'm not going to crossdress until I can do it well" - it will probably take time for you to develop a sense of your style and to learn what really makes you feel attractive.

And how are you supposed to buy female clothes in a shop without people thinking you are some kind of freak?

What helped me in the beginning was to say to myself "I'm buying them for my girlfriend". Then, what helped me was to get angry - "I'm transgendered, I NEED these clothes just as anyone else in this shop who is buying them, and if you have a problem with that it's your f*cking problem!". Now, I just say "woo - look at those dresses!"

There are also plenty of on-line shops - oxendales, next, etc.

Freiheit

Actually I didn't have any problems at all in Evans or Cinderella Shoes, or even Debenhams, especially on a quiet day. Less notice is taken in larger stores and ultimately they need to sell clothes, your money is as good as anyone else's. It's all about attitude, there might not be as much notice as one expects.

Frei

http://genderqueer.tumblr.com/

http://genderfork.com/

Two very interesting sites.

Chuchoter

Interesting sites, but word from the wise, if you have your real name up on facebook, don't join the genderfork page if you don't want future employers to find it. I had every privacy control known to man on my facebook, and the first result when you google my name was the genderfork page, and it was virtually impossible to get rid of. Had to send this big form to google to get it removed.

Peaceful Pigeon

I saw a psychologist specialising in gender (very good guy, if anyone wants a recommendation) who says I'm genderqueer.

If I've learned anything in life, it's to be very careful with labels. Labels are supposed to make communication of ideas easier but it only works with people who know how to use them responsibly. Since most people attach far more than the simple definition to a label, I try to avoid labelling my own identity.

The "diagnosis" (not sure if that's really appropriate but can't think of a better word right now - hope it doesn't offend anyone) served to remind me how much stereotypes are full of **** and how little I should care about what others expect me to be. I'm now happier than ever on a journey toward being more myself than I've ever been. I don't care if it can be put down to being genderqueer or not, if it's me, I'm being it!

Peaceful Pigeon

And for what it's worth, my own view of gender is as follows.

I suspect humans in our culture (some other cultures have always recognised multiple genders) saw two major groups of sex - male and female - and arbitrarily decided that there are two major gender personalities.

But in the same way that not even sex is as rigid as we tend to believe - there are many who are "intersex", formerly referred to as "hermaphrodites" which btw isn't used now - gender is certainly not rigid.

Gender itself is somewhat arbitrary but there is some basis for it. As I understand it, gender is basically the name we give to a group of personality traits that are seen as correlating to sex. Now, given that the same hormones that play major roles in defining your sex also play major roles in brain development, the correlation is probably real. However, where we make the mistake is by assuming it is ALWAYS in place. In reality, any individual's personality can be anywhere on the spectrum in all personality traits including those we use to gauge gender. And that means you can find any gender in any body of any sex.

The problem is, this isn't seen as acceptable in many societies, including our own. So there is a cultural pressure to fit into the false dichotomy. For some, this is easy, for others, it is easy enough as makes little difference, for others it is quite difficult and for still others, it is impossible.

I maintain that everyone, regardless even of gender, should be encouraged to be true to themselves on all aspects of personality including gender. I feel the transgender civil rights movement is valuable not just for transgender people but for cysgender people too - EVERYONE suffers from being expected to fit into a box of some kind. By challenging one of the very fundamental boxes we make for our children and fellow humans, I would like to think we can demonstrate the hazards of stereotyping once and for all.

L.Jenkins

Please start a new thread and don't ressurrect old ones please.