Sexual Problem

LegacyUser

Hi guys, going unreg for this.
Just back from the doctors and mentioned a sexual problem I'm having with my partner. The doctor kinda dismissed it and couldn't offer me any solutions really.

I'll explain the problem. I'm with my boyfriend 8 months and our sex life has been fantastic mostly. A few months back though, sex started to be very painful for me and now for him aswell. He's quite wide in the marriage department which is obviously fantastic but means sex can be sore for me. I'm sorry to be so crude but its the only way to describe it. When my partner enters me and he tends to last a long time also I get very sore down below. The entrance to my vagina stings and feels as if it's stretching. We've tried lube and its helped but not eliminated the problem. I've even noticed tiny specs of blood on the tissue if I use the loo afterwards and it really stings.

I've even had a look and its like the skin was stretched enough to have tiny tears in around the vaginal opening. It's extremely painful. The doctor suggested using more lube but I just feel like its a losing battle and when we use lube it stings if there's already "tears" there.

Now lately my boyfriends foreskin is forced back when we have sex. It's really frustrating us both. I'm also suffering with depression and a relapse at the moment meaning my sex drive is very low. But I discussed this with the doctor today and am getting it sorted thankfully. I started a new pill there about 6 months ago and think it might be linked so got that changed also.

I just wanted some practical advice please. Has anyone had this problem and how do you get around it? As I said our sex life has been great but this is putting us both off big time. We recently went on holiday together and every time we tried we couldn't and I got upset. My boyfriend was great and we talk very openly about things so thats not an issue.

Thanks guys

CiaranMT

No way an expert myself, but just wondering if there is enough foreplay? To get you properly ready?

LegacyUser

I've had a similar problem. I found when I was on the pill I needed to use lube more as whatever natural lubricant wasn't working so well. Try not having sex for a few days or a week to let those little tears around the opening heal properly otherwise it'll just keep on being sore.

As the previous poster said, more foreplay helps. I find that if we start off in missionary position I get used to his size and after a while we change positions whereas when I started off on top I was more likely to get stretched/sore.

Not sure about the foreskin issue.

calex71

"Marriage Department" never heard this used before Got a smile out of that one.

You should NEVER leave your GP unsatisfied and feeling dismissed like you did, shame on that doctor but they are only human I suppose and some can have hang ups about sex like the rest of us. My advice would be to find another GP to talk to. Did he/she actually examine you down there?

In the mean time remember penetration isn't the be all and end all of sex

steddyeddy

Right op i would find a gp who knows what hes talking about, the above poster is right never leave a gp unless your satisfied. Its very important to remember with doctors that their level of knowledge varies hugely. I cant tell you what this problem is but im sure you can find a doctor that knows more about it.

Miss Fluff

You should get a second opinion.

If you're at it regularly, and especially if he is really big then it could be just small frictional tears. If he is also experiencing pain too it may be as simple as a combination of doing it really frequently + not enough lube. You say you are adequately lubed up but if it's the second or third time in a row over the course of a day, and he is bigger than average, then you may probably need to use additional lube.

I'd also be inclined to let yourself heal and maybe give it a break for 4/5 days to give yourself a chance.

The positions you favour also have a lot to do with it. If he is very big, you being on top will give you that little bit more control and you can take a softly softly approach.

Still worth a visit to a well woman or other sexual health clinic.

PS, And on a side note, you might also like to tell him that banging continuously doesn't necessarily equal great sex. You say he is slow to come, you might mention to him that it is OK to come sooner if he feels the need. I think a lot of younger guys especially feel this compulsion to bang like billyio for an hour thinking they are a stud when in actual fact it can be really sore and totally unnecessary....!

Sauve

Hi OP,
I had a similar problem a while back, sounds exactly like what you've described and was trying all sorts of things to help, nothing curing the problem. It went on for about six months and got pretty bad at times.

Around the same time, I came off the pill (for a different reason entirely), and within about two weeks the 'down-below' problems had disappeared altogether. I know it might be coincidental and I wouldnt recommend doing anything without talking to your doctor, but I believe that coming off the pill sorted my problem. Maybe ask your GP if the same could be happening to you?

Ickle Magoo

When you say you've tried lube, have you tried different kinds? Some don't last too well...and definitely make sure you have loads of fore-play and are about to pop - it may help if your boyfriend tried to get a bit closer to ejaculation so you can start off with shorter sessions until you are fully healed.

If your boyfriend is feeling like his foreskin is being pushed back would he consider condoms for a while? I imagine the thought of the pain you are about to suffer is probably making you clench, even subconsciously.

All in all you may be better waiting for a while before attempting penetration to make sure you give yourself time to heal properly A) so you aren't clenching and so the lube doesn't sting.

Best of luck

AngryBadger

Hi OP,

Has something changed since you've started having this problem? This could be something personal/emotional as much as physical, and I only ask because you've indicated that you and your partner had no problems until this, (i.e. I'm assuming that penetration was not a problem until this problem arose).

Whatever the source of this difficulty, as a guy I'd remind you that there's no reason to feel pressure over this, if penetration is uncomfortable I'd suggest avoiding it until a resolution is found.

Penetration is just one of many ways you and your partner can be intimate, and enjoy each other physically, (which let's be honest we all love ).

Listen to your body, there's obviously a problem if this is happening, and you should feel comfortable in refusing penetration until this is resolved.

There are plenty of people on here better informed to suggest alternative means of satisfying yourself and your partner, but don't indulge anything that leads to any kind of harm to yourself, like bleeding or anything else.

AnonMous

I think you should just give sex a rest for a while until you have both healed your "injuries".

When you go back to it then, in a few weeks perhaps, just make sure you have plenty of fore play before penetration and use plenty of lube.

Cunnilingus is great for "warming up".

Hope you feel better soon.

PS re: the depression, keep the head up :-)

Smallbit

Ahem, I've been there with my previous partner, so here's some practical advice:

If either of you shave down there, stop. Stubble is the enemy...

In addition to lube during the act, you also need find a cream suitable to moisturize the cracked skin round the labia. My doctor prescribed something but damned if I can remember the name. I used e45 which is good externally, but be very careful what you put internally!

You need to stop all penetration until you're completely healed.

Water based lube isn't the best, silicon based is better, but something oily is best BUT! remember that oil based lube and condoms don't go well together (Avanti condoms can be used with oily lubes)

Use more foreplay. If he lasts a long time, get him ready manually or orally and only try penetration when he's ready to come.

dontbemean

I've just come off the pill (yasmin) after being on for around 5 months, experiencing pain during/after sex and thrush. Before the pill my boyfriend and I never had any problems with soreness, so now I've come off and I can already see an improvement in both areas.

I'm not sure if anyone else has experienced this - but I've had to stop using KY Jelly lube (the one everyone seems to buy) because its makers changed the ingredients used in it (supposedly to add a 'warming' sensation) and now it BURNS! I've switched to using Durex 'Play' (the blue tube) and have no problems with burning. Just a heads up for anyone wondering why sex is suddenly ouchy...

LegacyUser

Hey guys, OP here.

OMG I was on yasminelle... and now I've changed to another brand so I'm hoping that will clear up the issue.

Thanks so much for all the responses. Things are improving and I've used some of the suggestions here. Just found it weird the doc didn't have these suggestions. I've to see her tuesday to follow up on the tablets for depression (Which are working already) They had to up my dosage. She's going to examine me on tuesday aswell (Told me the last day she didn't have time)

Ickle Magoo

Maybe look at changing doctor as well? She doesn't sound very good.

stinkle

hi OP,

been having a similar problem too. I can probably trace mine back to some mild depression I was experiencing. at the same time I changed pills, thinking my prob was hormonal (was on the injection years ago, was very dry/bled a lot after sex on that, so figured a change of pill might work). but the new pill made it worse for me! eventually (6 months later) changed back and that's helped. didnt want to risk another new pill. prob isnt gone away entirely though.

i get on great with my doc and told him my pill-related woes. he takes pill prescriptions v seriously and doesnt like putting women on high doses. he even checked in his "meds book" that the hormone doses in both pills were the same. they were, yet I had awful side effects on the new one. bizarre stuff. so in that vein, definitely badger your doc or even get a second opinion if you still arent happy.

both doc and other people i spoke to mentioned the foreplay thing. it does help, but because ive had such soreness i think i was subconsciously tightening up down there and feeling negative before me and the OH even attempted anything! v. frustrating as you can imagine. like i said, im still not back to normal but am getting there. lube is excellent, if in doubt try lubricated condoms (i was scared I had recurrent thrush or something causing pain, so the fear of passing it back and forth wasnt helpful either, so we started using condoms again).

finally (excuse the long post), as I mentioned already, foreplay is great but once i had doubts in my head about the pain, then foreplay jsut annoyed the hell out of me, and i grew to resent the OH's, ahem, "moves". they just werent doing anything for me, and we'd spend ages going nowhere. however, when we talked about it he understood, and ever since rather than spend ages doing stuff that wasnt helpful we've tried just going for it and bieng spontaneous, and its grand! now i dont have any time to think "oh no, what if it hurts, etc etc". it probably sounds contradictory, but its helped us so much. basically if im in pain we stop, otherwise its all good it beats spending ages in bed thinking about negative stuff, and prolonging the bad experience for me.

Pembily

I have the same problem, went to a gyne, I have a tight hymen, like it was never fully broken!!! It gets worse the more you have sex as it swells!!!! Go to a GP and demand a proper diagnosis, I had to get inserts to use to help increase the size of my hymen and mild anisthetics to prevent pain!!!

No matter how much lube you use it will hurt and it may bleed too and its hurting your boyfriend as you are too tight for him!!! The gyne put a cotton bud on that spot and it hurt like fcuk - a cotton bud ffs!!!

When using lube the best one I found was pure aloe vera gel, cheap, cheerful and good for thrush / cooling / healing!!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses guys. I'm due back at the doctors on thursday for an examination. But all went well on the hows the father front over the weekend. Some minor issues afterwards but nothing like before. We used durex lube and a lubricated condom and plenty of warm up before hand. Used some of the suggestions from here.

I suppose from reading the responses I realise yes I am pretty annoyed with how the doctor handled it and I haven't got the money for the follow up but sure thats what the overdraft is for but its damn annoying.

I wanna get a mole checked so its worth going back in anyway.