3 Godfathers

LegacyUser

Recently my brother and his wife had their first child, it was a long time coming, and well done to them, i'm delighted for them. So a few weeks ago, they asked me to be Godfather, I was chuffed, and said of course i would, and was thrilled that they'd asked me. I have one other godson, and take pride in it, as i only ever saw my godparents about 5 times, so i said i'd make it an important thing to do.

So i was up in their house the other day, and i saw a piece of paper on the table, and i could see what was on it, it was the form to fill out for the priest about the christening day, parents and childs name, godparents and so on. So for godmother there's one name, my sis-in-laws sister. And for godfather there's three names, my sis-in-laws two brothers and me. I didnt say anything, because i wasnt supposed to have seen it, but I think this is ridiculous. I mean I've heard of having two godfathers before, i think the english people do it, but three, thats just crazy. All my other nieces and nephews have one godmother and one godfather, which of whom, the godmother is picked by the mother, and the godfather is picked by the father.

My sis-in-laws two brothers wouldnt be on my brothers list of favourite people, so why the fúck are they godfathers? I think it just takes the good out of it, and its trying to keep everyone happy. It like those people who have 6 bridesmaids, what the fúck like, trying to keep everyone happy again. Well its not keeping me happy, I'm not sure what to do now, do i go with the flow and pretend its all fine and dandy? or do i say something to them about this?
I know if my mother was alive, she's have something to say about it. she's say.....
"if you're not going to do it right, dont do it at all"

Maybe some people might think i'm over reacting a bit, but i think its ridiculous. It devalues the idea completely.

Any thought or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

metrovelvet

I dont think its such a bad idea. They may have done it to save a huge family argument. It also covers alot of bases if along the line if one drops out. Or two do. It also creates more of a support network for the child.

It doesnt devalue your role. You just be there for the child like you would normally.

fungun

if id thought of it id have done it....my siblings all have more kids than me and this would have guilted them into matching the cash i have to fork out for their kids birthdays etc

Sanjuro

It could be worse, OP. I was made godfather of a child. Went through the christening and all that. And then after an arguement, the parents took it back! (which I don't think you can undo in the eyes of the church). Sure, it's not exactly flattering when you find out you're not choice number one. But you can be the best out of the three by doing your best for the child!

QuiteInterestin

It is a bit away from the traditional one godmother and godfather per child, but with families and attitudes to church changing, its not surprising that peoples ideas of godparents will change with that.

You said that this child was a long time coming, maybe your brother and sister in law are aware that this maybe their only child and are taking this opportunity to involve as many relatives as possible in the upbringing of the child. They may also be aware that each of you will have different attitudes to the role of god parenting, ranging from just the annual birthday/christmas card to taking an active role both in the every day life and christen upbringing of the child and are trying to cover all their bases by having 3 godfathers. Also, if like you said there's no love lost between your brother and his brothers-in-law they may also use it as an opportunity to settle any ongoing tensions!

Either way they have chosen you to have a role in the upbringing of their child, you should be proud of it. It may take a little of the good out of it having to share in this role, but you shouldn't think that it devalues it, the role is only as important as you make it and as good as the job you do.

MJ23

fungun wrote: »

if id thought of it id have done it....my siblings all have more kids than me and this would have guilted them into matching the cash i have to fork out for their kids birthdays etc

Its not all about getting a few quid in a card at christmas and birthday. OP is trying to take it seriously. Personally I think its crazy too, trying to keep everyone happy, just like the second post said, to avoid a family row.
I suppose maybe two would be okay, but three is not. As OP says himself, it takes the good out of it. I'd go back and either want an explanation, or just plain refuse to be involved in the "keep everyone happy" scenario.

Whatever you do, dont hold in what you feel you need to say.

Limestone1

takes-the-good--outof-it wrote: »

Maybe some people might think i'm over reacting a bit, but i think its ridiculous. It devalues the idea completely.

Any thought or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Yeah you are over reacting. It's a symbolic role so there is no 'doing it right' - your only responsibilities are to cough up some readies at birthdays, christmas, communion, confirmation and any other significant moment of the kids's life up to 21st ... Don't get hung up on it, if anything you can use this to get out of it - could save you a few bob over the next few years ....

tenchi-fan

It's pretty poor of your brother. I'd say this was his wife's doing. Not cool.

I know it must seem like an awful disappointment. But I still think you should become the child's godfather and forget the other 2 guys.

Elle Collins

Are you religious OP? Do you intend to guide this child spiritually in the Catholic faith? Because if you don't then it's every bit as ridiculous agreeing to have your name on that form as it is for two other names to be printed alongside it.

Busi_Girl08

Are you your brother's only sibling? It does seem like they are trying to include everyone, as others have said, to make the most of it. This could be their only child, perhaps, so they want all aunts and uncles to be involved.

Should they maybe have made their plan a bit clearer? Probably. If that is what they are planning to do though, I think it's quite sweet

PopUp

takes-the-good--outof-it wrote: »

I mean I've heard of having two godfathers before, i think the english people do it, but three, thats just crazy. All my other nieces and nephews have one godmother and one godfather, which of whom, the godmother is picked by the mother, and the godfather is picked by the father.

Honestly? When you have children, go ahead and do it like this. But the 'rules' above are completely arbitrary and as 'made-up' as what your brother and SIL have decided to do. I've never heard of the godmother being the mother's choice and godfather being the father's.

Being asked to be godfather is a huge honour. It's not 'devalued' by the fact that the child will be lucky enough to have two other people looking out for him as well as you.

Your brother and SIL may have decided that this will be their only child. Would you rather they left you out completely?

Emme

I'm one of two godmothers to a lovely little boy and it's great. Methinks the child who has 3 godfathers will think he's growing up in a Francis Ford Coppola film!

thegoodgirl

I agree with the OP. Having 3 Godfathers is a bit weird. My SIL picked 2 godfathers for her son as she didn't have any godmother.

But to have 4 Godparents doesn't seem right to me. It just seems like their being greedy. To be honest I'd have second thoughts about being Godfather number 3, it's like your not good emough to do the job alone!

LegacyUser

I was sort of in this boat when our child was to be christened. We'd agreed on having 2 godmothers and no godfather. One of the brothers started taking it badly that he hadn't been asked and basically was being immature about it all so at the last minute,he became a godfather. One of the godmothers seemed to be taking this badly, and I think the two other uncles were wondering why if there was to be a godfather, why it wasn't them. It's left us that we'll have to have 2 godfathers if there's another child!!

My point is that from a parent's perspective, it is an absolute can of worms and a nightmare at a point in your life that you could be doing without it. There's always going to be somebody who'll be miffed at not being chosen or if there are more than the normal 2 godparents, they'll feel as if there role is devalued. Give your brother a bit of slack, the last thing he needs at this stage is you giving him grief about what himself and has wife have decided to do. It's a cermonial role in any case. Be around for the kid, offer to babysit, remember birthdays and try to be part of the child's life. That is way more important than how many of you is standing at the parent's side the day of the christening.