What to do if pregnant?

alanna22

first time poster so apologies if this is in the wrong place..
I'm 17 and recently found myself in a situation whereby I could be pregnant. it's early days so I've no idea if I am or not but my boyfriend is freaking out. he's so worried that I might be. I am too, it'd completely change my life if I was obviously, but he's jumping to abortion as a solution. I know we're not ready for a child, not in the slightest but I don't feel like I'm ready to make that decision either. I always thought if I was ever young and had an unplanned pregnancy I'd do anything to ensure I wouldn't have a baby but with the slight chance there is now, I'm not sure what I'd do. I know my boyfriend wouldn't want to keep a baby and I don't think I'd like to either but at the end of the day, I'm not comfortable with abortion. he has his leaving cert next year and I plan to attend college so it'd be so wrong to have a child, but I don't know if I agree with my boyfriends solution..

rainbow kirby

Take a test.

muboop1

Oi,

Look, first relax, It isn't the end of the world either way.

If it happens whatever. But for now presuming you had un protected sex wait a week or two from date you had it and take a home pregnancy test. If positive talk to doctor. If not cop on and be safer in future.

Look end of day is many successful people have had kids at a "non desirable" age. Its just life, whether you keep, abort, adopt, whatever it doesn't by any means diminish your life etc. It just alters it.

But most imprtant thing is you get a test. There is no advice we can give until we have the facts. A test is paramount.

I wish you the best.

alanna22

thanks. Yeah it's too early to get a test but I think I will when I can to put our minds at ease. The chances are really small as we didn't actually have sex (didn't want to risk it even with protection and me on the pill) not gonna go into detail but the 'it only takes one sperm' ads are the cause of worry. it's not so much the pregnancy as our reaction to a pregnancy that was on my mind last night

Ickle Magoo

I think you should try and not panic about what ifs and maybes until you know you have a reason to. You can get digital tests that can tell you if you're pregnant by testing for a hormone that is only present in pregnant women from the time your first period after you think you got pregnant is due.

If you didn't have sex and you are on the pill then statistically the chances of you getting pregnant are tiny...still, put everyone's mind at rest and get a test asap.

dublingal80

you said you didnt have sex and you are on the pill, so the chances you are pregnant is very low.
When are you due your period?

jurgenscarl

Go get a test.
If you are pregnant, you are 17 so an abortion would be the best for you.
Do you really want to be a single mother bringing up the child through your twenties and thirties of a guy you had a teenage fling with when you were young and naive?
Forget about all that Catholic BS about abortion being murder and all that other pro-life crap.
Do what is right and convenient for you.
Your boyfriend doesn't want it and by sounds of it he's not interested in having anything to do with you if you go ahead and have the kid.
It was probably fun to be with him but is a suitable father and do you really want to bring his child into the world?
By the sounds of it you don't want it.
So get rid of it before it's too late and your lives are ruined.
You have a right to choose and abortion is best option for a girl in your situation.
If you bring up the kid, what kind of life is he/she going to have?
You are going to resent the child for fecking up your life.
Your boyfriend is going to resent you and the kid because let's face it this relationship in all likelihood will end and in years to come he will have a wife and kids and this will screw up his life too.
If you adopt you will always be worried about how he/she is living and doing and years down the line you might be married with other kids and he/she might turn up at the door interfering in your life.
Who needs that?
You don't need it. Your boyfriend doesn't need it.

WesternNight

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Go get a test.
If you are pregnant, you are 17 so an abortion would be the best for you.
Do you really want to be a single mother bringing up the child through your twenties and thirties of a guy you had a teenage fling with when you were young and naive?
Forget about all that Catholic BS about abortion being murder and all that other pro-life crap.
Do what is right and convenient for you.
Your boyfriend doesn't want it and by sounds of it he's not interested in having anything to do with you if you go ahead and have the kid.
It was probably fun to be with him but is a suitable father and do you really want to bring his child into the world?
By the sounds of it you don't want it.
So get rid of it before it's too late and your lives are ruined.
You have a right to choose and abortion is best option for a girl in your situation.
If you bring up the kid, what kind of life is he/she going to have?
You are going to resent the child for fecking up your life.
Your boyfriend is going to resent you and the kid because let's face it this relationship in all likelihood will end and in years to come he will have a wife and kids and this will screw up his life too.
If you adopt you will always be worried about how he/she is living and doing and years down the line you might be married with other kids and he/she might turn up at the door interfering in your life.
Who needs that?
You don't need it. Your boyfriend doesn't need it.

Woah, what an awful lot of assumptions you've made there. All of which are completely unhelpful.

OP...you're on the pill and you didn't have sex. I'd be shocked if you were pregnant. That said, I can understand the panic and the "what ifs".

Hersheys

jurgenscarl wrote: »

Go get a test.
If you are pregnant, you are 17 so an abortion would be the best for you.
Do you really want to be a single mother bringing up the child through your twenties and thirties of a guy you had a teenage fling with when you were young and naive?
Forget about all that Catholic BS about abortion being murder and all that other pro-life crap.
Do what is right and convenient for you.
Your boyfriend doesn't want it and by sounds of it he's not interested in having anything to do with you if you go ahead and have the kid.
It was probably fun to be with him but is a suitable father and do you really want to bring his child into the world?
By the sounds of it you don't want it.
So get rid of it before it's too late and your lives are ruined.
You have a right to choose and abortion is best option for a girl in your situation.
If you bring up the kid, what kind of life is he/she going to have?
You are going to resent the child for fecking up your life.
Your boyfriend is going to resent you and the kid because let's face it this relationship in all likelihood will end and in years to come he will have a wife and kids and this will screw up his life too.
If you adopt you will always be worried about how he/she is living and doing and years down the line you might be married with other kids and he/she might turn up at the door interfering in your life.
Who needs that?
You don't need it. Your boyfriend doesn't need it.

Woah soldier, coming on a bit strong there. Just to highlight a few points you've made there.

Just because the OP is 17 does not automatically mean she should have an abortion. Particularly when she explicitly states that she's not comfortable with the idea of abortion.

You're the only one bringing up the catholic BS on the thread!

Having a child at 17 does not automatically equate to a ruined life!

OP - wait a few days and get one of those early tests. As other posters have said, there's a minimal risk of pregnancy if you 1) are on the pill and 2) didn't have sex.

Regardless of the outcome of the test you should talk to your doctor/family planning clinic about your contraception options. Remember the pill is not effective against STD's, which can be transmitted even without having sex.

Good luck!

the_monkey

alanna22 wrote: »

thanks. Yeah it's too early to get a test but I think I will when I can to put our minds at ease. The chances are really small as we didn't actually have sex (didn't want to risk it even with protection and me on the pill) not gonna go into detail but the 'it only takes one sperm' ads are the cause of worry. it's not so much the pregnancy as our reaction to a pregnancy that was on my mind last night

If this is true then very very unlikely that you are pregnant.
A lot of these adds - it only takes 1 sperm etc .. while true in theory
its not really in practice.

As others have said take the test and be safe in future but again - very unlikely you are pregnant.

LegacyUser

while i'm not anti-abortion...

You have a right to choose and abortion is best option for a girl in your situation.

are you for real! irony much????
how the hell do you know whats best for the op! you know nothing about her/her situation!! can you predict the future or something?? you have no clue how having a baby or not having a baby would effect the op/the ops boyfriend, grow up ffs. Theres nothing shameful about having a child at 17, or being a single parent, or giving a child up for adoption, just because you have some serious issues, theres no need to inflict them on the op. You could equally write a list of all the reasons why an abortion would "ruin" her/her boyfriends life... guilt, resentment, medical complications, all the what ifs etc etc

anyway op it sounds like your chances of being pregnant are virtually nil, i think most women have a scare at one point or another so put it down to a lesson learned and be more careful in future(although it sounds like you might be being just a little paranoid ), and not trying to be preachy but it also might be a good idea to sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious discussion about what both of you would do should you ever become pregnant, if you're old enough to be having sex, well then you really should be able to discuss the implications of doing so.

dudara

jurgenscarl

Please consider what you post - abortion is a very controversial subject (understandably) and blindly advocating abortion without any understanding of the circumstances is quite shortsighted.

Please take the time to read the charter

dudara

The Corinthian

Hersheys wrote: »

Having a child at 17 does not automatically equate to a ruined life!

No, but it will certainly be a responsibility that she can ill afford during a period of her life where she will want to be free to concentrate on her education and founding a career. Additionally, any relationship with her present bf is statistically unlikely to last in the long term (especially if he is already opposing keeping the child), which would put her in a position whereby she'll be a single parent, which will affect her choice in future partners in the future.

Of course, that does not mean that it will ruin her life, and I know of one case where it gave the girl in question the focus to get her life in order. However it will make her life a lot harder and result in some doors being closed to her.

Personally, I'd take a test before jumping to conclusions. Then, if pregnant, I would decide with the father. It's all very well to say it's a woman's body, a woman's choice, but he's the one who's going to be paying maintenance for a woman's choice long after it's left her body.

Hersheys

The Corinthian wrote: »

No, but it will certainly be a responsibility that she can ill afford during a period of her life where she will want to be free to concentrate on her education and founding a career. Additionally, any relationship with her present bf is statistically unlikely to last in the long term (especially if he is already opposing keeping the child), which would put her in a position whereby she'll be a single parent, which will affect her choice in future partners in the future.

Of course, that does not mean that it will ruin her life, and I know of one case where it gave the girl in question the focus to get her life in order. However it will make her life a lot harder and result in some doors being closed to her.

The OP already said that she's beginning to question her relationship due to her boyfriends reaction of the news she might be pregnant.

And I'm not saying that it's not a responsibility, or a decision that should be taken lightly, I'm just saying that she shouldn't rush into any decisions without thinking and talking through all of her options with all concerned.

And as already stated, chances of her being pregnant is slim, but she should still go talk to someone about her options for contraception if she's not confident with her current one.

AnonoBoy

You're on the pill and you didn't have sex. Chances are extremely low that you're pregnant so set your mind at ease.

I went through a scare like this with a girl when I was about your age. Looking back now I realise all the worry was for nothing as there was virtually no chance she could have been pregnant from what we'd be doing.

The Corinthian

Hersheys wrote: »

The OP already said that she's beginning to question her relationship due to her boyfriends reaction of the news she might be pregnant.

That's fair enough, I was simply pointing out that while it may not 'ruin her life', keeping the child will result in certain doors being closed and a price being paid. You have to be realistic, rather than overly positive or negative.

And as already stated, chances of her being pregnant is slim, but she should still go talk to someone about her options for contraception if she's not confident with her current one.

It's not unknown to happen, especially at her age, but the chances are very, very slim, TBH. Personally, I'd put it at the back of my head until tested positive.

Neyite

OP:

firstly, try not to worry too much - freaking out/stress can delay a period making you freak out even more, and it becomes a very stressful cycle.

firstly:
you are on the pill
you used protection
you didnt actually have sex.

there are only a few days per cycle that conception is possible.

figure out when you are due - if you are on the pill, then its easier to predict - the end of your packet plus a few days or so - mine usually arrived halfway or longer into the 'break' week. sometimes it was nearly time to start a new pack before it came. so find your expected date, have a test ready and then put it out of your mind. i was nearly 20 years on the pill and it never let me down!

keeping/not keeping a pregnancy is a massive decision, so why wreck your head until you have to? and the same goes for your relationship - wait until you have a calm head to decide what you want to do there.

honestly people can be great at telling you what you should /shouldnt do in a possible pregnancy, but there is no right answer - the right answer is the solution that you feel is the right one - whatever that is in the actual (not whatif) situation you are in.

The Corinthian

Neyite wrote: »

there is no right answer - the right answer is the solution that you feel is the right one

I think I'm going to cry.

MontgomeryClift

Why are replies recommending the (illegal in this country) killing of an unborn child being left here? That entire post is either mischievous or deranged.

The Corinthian

MontgomeryClift wrote: »

Why are replies recommending the (illegal in this country) killing of an unborn child being left here? That entire post is either mischievous or deranged.

Because such recommendations are legal and protected by the Irish constitution?

The_Conductor

alanna22 wrote: »

thanks. Yeah it's too early to get a test but I think I will when I can to put our minds at ease. The chances are really small as we didn't actually have sex (didn't want to risk it even with protection and me on the pill) not gonna go into detail but the 'it only takes one sperm' ads are the cause of worry. it's not so much the pregnancy as our reaction to a pregnancy that was on my mind last night

It sounds highly unlikely that you might be pregnant- but do get a test done at an early date regardless.

Sometimes people's reactions in certain situations opens our eyes and changes the way we feel about them. Being put in a situation where you do have to face 'what ifs', is a big deal. If you find yourself with completely opposing views to your boyfriend on something that might be fundamental at some future point in time- personally I'd be asking myself what I was doing continuing that relationship.

With respect of pregnancy- abortion is by no means the only option open to you. If you are indeed pregnant- you need to ask questions in a calm manner to people who aren't trying to push an agenda on you (whatever that agenda may be).

If I were in your situation right now- I'd be asking myself what my true feelings towards my boyfriend are- and I'd be checking out pregnancy tests etc. Even if you're not pregnant- use this as a learning experience for the future.

Nevyn

The Corinthian wrote: »

I think I'm going to cry.

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
You should know this by now.

MontgomeryClift
This forum is pro choice, we leave it for people to make up thier own mind and urge them to seek help in doing so when faced with an unplanned pregnancy.

The debate on abortion being right/wrong can happen in the Humanities forum not here.



alanna22 first step is to do a test, if you dont' have anyone (ideally an adult) who can help you with this and be there for you there are family planning clilnics who will help you do a test and be there for you no matter the outcome.

If you are pregnant then you have a lot of options,
be it continuing the pregnancy and keeping the baby
or giving it up for fostering until you get your life in order or adoption
or you can choose to not continue the pregnancy.

All your options and the supports there are for them will be explained to you and you will be given all the information you will need no matter what you choose.
http://www.positiveoptions.ie/unplanned_pregnancy/

LegacyUser

Why should she get a test???

She didnt have sex, and she's on the pill.... OP dont waste your money on a test. You're very unlikely to be pregnant. If anything, STIs would be the risk.

sometimes the alarmist stuff posted in this forum is well... alarming..

The Corinthian

Thaedydal wrote: »

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
You should know this by now.

Fair enough, I shall revisit the source of the comment then:

Neyite wrote: »

there is no right answer - the right answer is the solution that you feel is the right one

This is terrible advice. It's so bad that I want to use adjectives that would guarantee a ban, so I won't.

Ignoring for a moment that it contradicts itself, Neyite is suggesting that someone make a life-changing decision on not one, but two (and three if you're pro-life) people on the basis of what you 'feel' as opposed to a dispassionate and rational decision, which is I presume what the OP came here for, given the panic she was in.

The last thing the OP should base her decisions on is the emotion of the moment.

Novella

You are on the Pill, you didn't have sex. I'd be so shocked if you were pregnant. You know a lot of couples have sex for months and months, unprotected, before conceiving? Sure, it only 'takes one' but getting pregnant generally isn't as simple as it is made out to be.

Buy a test, take it. If you are pregnant, then worry about life changing decisions.

Nevyn

The Corinthian wrote: »

The last thing the OP should base her decisions on is the emotion of the moment.

Agreed but a woman facing an unplanned pregnancy will have a whole heap of differing emotions and how she feels will vary, so best thing is to do a test rather then worrying of what maybe and then when you know move forward
to figuring out what to do from that informed position.

The stress of worrying if you are possibly pregnant can be enough to delay a period, which is why it is best to test rather then stressing yourself out and worrying over what may not even be an issue.

Denimgirl

OK as you know it's too early to take the test you know obviously knew the night were you'se slipped up! why did'nt you go and get the morning after pill? most girls know when they've slipped up but do nothing about it then they basically wait to see if they're pregnant and then end up going through a more traumatic experience like abortion!Why not take the moring after pill when you knew you slipped up then wait?

GirlOfGlass

OP, I think you are seriously overreacting.
The fact that you are on the pill and didn't even have sex makes the chances highly unlikely.

Neyite

The Corinthian wrote: »

Fair enough, I shall revisit the source of the comment then:

This is terrible advice. It's so bad that I want to use adjectives that would guarantee a ban, so I won't.

Ignoring for a moment that it contradicts itself, Neyite is suggesting that someone make a life-changing decision on not one, but two (and three if you're pro-life) people on the basis of what you 'feel' as opposed to a dispassionate and rational decision, which is I presume what the OP came here for, given the panic she was in.

The last thing the OP should base her decisions on is the emotion of the moment.

eh, you are really presuming there.

this is exactly what i said: keeping/not keeping a pregnancy is a massive decision, so why wreck your head until you have to? and the same goes for your relationship - wait until you have a calm head to decide what you want to do there. how is this terrible advice??


what i said is that she herself will decide what is the right thing to do. not you. or me.
nowhere did i say that she was to omit dispassionate or rational decision. her opening post suggests she is not entirely comfortable with abortion. her choice to 'feel' whatever way she likes about it, or not.

did i say that she should make a life changing decision? no. you are wrong.
did i say she should base her decision on the emotion of the moment. no. wrong again. actually this is the opposite of what i said.
she did not come her for you to decide for her. she can do that all by herself, based on all the options available.

my post specifically did not address abortion because there are plenty here who are giving her that advice. also as there is a very very slight chance of pregnancy in this instance. why freak out a 17 year old girl about abortion choices/ruin your life crap when its possibly something that she wont have to decide in this situation

you are correct in saying that she came here in a panic - i was trying to give her some advice to calm her down, not jump on a pro/anti choice rant which i consider to be off topic anyway. you seem to think i lean one way or another. i dont. so stop assuming.

you are wrong when you say i advised her to make a decision based on one, two or three people. nowhere except in your head did i say that.

so i say again - the right decision for her will be the one she makes, if she has to make that decision. and feelings do come into it. bigtime.

DACSTER

You really need to take a test and get it over with so you can either go back to having great non-sex with your boyfriend and looking forward to the rest of your lives or.

Just, please, whatever you do, after the test do not use the towel as mentioned in the other thread to dry your hands.

Nevyn

DACSTER banned.
Never ever make suggestions re DYI abortions in this forum or drag topics from one thread to another.