to email or not to email

jenny4385

i miss my ex soo much... think about him every day... he moved away though... should i email him n tell him how i feel

Miss Fluff

Aw, poor thing. How long ago did you break up? Who broke up with who? Under what circumstances did you break up? Have you been in touch since etc? I'm always of the school of thought that it is for the best to avoid contact at all costs but it would help to know a little bit more about your situation....

jenny4385

broke up in march... he probably can see this.... ah well
it was kind of mutual cos we didnt put enough effort into it...
havent talked to him since...
its just like you talk to someone nearly every day for 6 years and then your supposed to carry on like it never happened.. like it hurts so much that it feels like he died...

Miss Fluff

I'd be inclined not to. Four months have passed, you're well into the healing process.

What is to actually be achieved from emailing him? He has moved away so it's not like you could get back together. Don't you think it would be very confusing for you and cause you more upset?

carmel27

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I'd be inclined not to. Four months have passed, you're well into the healing process.

What is to actually be achieved from emailing him? He has moved away so it's not like you could get back together. Don't you think it would be very confusing for you and cause you more upset?

+1. Try and forget about him. I dont think you'd have much to gain by emailing him love. If he'd wanted to get in contact with you, he probably would have by now. If you email him, and dont get a response, or dont get the response that you'd like, you'll feel more gutted. Dont put yourself through that.
It will get easier with time. Chin up:)

Canluum

Miss Fluff wrote: »

What is to actually be achieved from emailing him? He has moved away so it's not like you could get back together. Don't you think it would be very confusing for you and cause you more upset

It's true OP. I know it's hard, I really really do, but there's nothing to be really gained by emailing him now. It will just serve to make you upset.
Whenever I'm reminded of my ex, and think of the good times we have had I too get a strong urge to contact her. I manage to stop myself because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be doing her any favours either. I'm giving myself a time limit, I won't contact for at least 1 year. By then I think we'll both have moved on enough that a courteous acknowledgment of the fact we were once part of eachother's lives won't be too much to shove us back into the grieving process. You're right, it is for all intents and purposes like they've died... except they haven't, they're still safe and okay and hopefully happy and enjoying life, and you should be too.

It's easier if you don't dwell on things that remind you of him. It doesn't get you anywhere. Don't feel bad about that. He wishes you happiness as much if not more than you wish it for him. Get out and meet other men, I'm not saying you need to date yet but just get out and chat with people and maybe flirt and develop interests in them.

merlie

Hello Op,

I can totally understand your situation, having been gone through this kind of thing. Yes, 6 years is a long time and he was there everyday. Sometimes it is a lot easier for the person who feels less to move on more quickly and it would seem that you have not gotten any closure on this and that is why you are left feeling the way you do. Yes, it does feel like a death, it is a mourning time for what was once. You need to be patient with yourself and understand it does get less and less.

I would leave it for the time being. If he misses or wants to talk with you he will get into contact, but if he does not, move on. I know it is easier said than done. I've done a lot worse, I did the begging and all sorts with my ex, but now we are friends and although I wish it was like old times, I have moved on from it in the sense that I have accepted that we will not be together but I didn't want to waste the years that we had by not being at least to be able to be friends with him, so even though I have lost him, he is still in my life, which is something that I am happy with.

It may take time for things to come around for you, but seriously don't contact him, he has to make the first move, not you. Try and focus on yourself and get out there and do other things. Go out with some friends and start to laugh and enjoy life again. Join a club, learn a new language etc. It is amazing the amount of things one can do or learn after the break up and you will feel a whole lot better about yourself. Just be patient and understand that you are going through this process and you will be fine.


Take care of yourself

LegacyUser

Hi OP, you say it was mutual and neither of you put enough effort in. Who initiated the break up though? Was it you or him?

Reason I ask is went through something similar a while back. Initiated by her stating she had too much on at the time to which I agreed as my head was a bit wrecked from changed/cancelled plans all the time. In the end thought maybe she just wasn't as into me as she had said she was so decided cutting my losses was the best thing to do.

Missed her a lot since, same as yourself we were always in touch. Decided as she was the one who had decided to cool it was up to her to contact me if she had any interest in making more of an effort.

Basically what I'm saying is if he was the one who decided on breaking up I wouldn't get back in touch. No point in reopening barely healed wounds.

However if it was you who initiated breaking up and now regret it maybe it's worth a shot. Just remember he may have moved on.

dublingal80

you could text him or email him and something similar to sunflower may happen, or more than likely you could text/email him and he wont reply back, or he will reply back something really short and you will feel hurt all over again

its so easily to fall into that trap, espeically when u are feeling lonely. we ALL get like that.

Canluum

sunflower27 wrote: »

Hiya OP

Hope you are OK.

Well, I text an ex of mine last Thursday. I'd never got over him (we went out about 8 years ago and in fairness back then were both young and stupid! We did hook up a few years ago but it was complicated as he was going through a breakup as was I and it was all a bit messy)

Well, after a works leaving do last Thursday with a little bit too much prosecco on board I sent him a winkie text I always remembered hisnumber!

He replied, and the text banter started and then he rang me telling me he would love to meet up as wewere both single. He flew over to see me from London the weekend just gone - into Dublin and hired a car and drove to Cork as I've never been to West Cork and thought it'd be lovely. We had a fabulous weekend in West Cork. Absolutely amazing!
sf xx

There's a huuuuge difference in situation. They're not comparable at all. You were both well healed (8 years like) when you contacted him. You had really nothing to lose, so yeah in your circumstances why not! And I'm glad you had a good time.
The OP broke up in March. I'm not going to predict what might happen in the future... but right now, any contact will only open some very recent wounds. She should give herself some time, when she knows she can think more rationally and can make more rational decisions that won't screw up her happiness.


PS: OP, whatever you do don't listen to nothing compares 2 u by sinead o'connor over and over again. Serious self-pity wallowing in that endeavor I can assure you. Though I dunno, maybe it's good to get it all out of you.